March 16, 2017

Greetings My Friend, I feel a new level of "Be still and know that I am God" growing in me. I have a mind that rarely shuts down and it goes a hundred miles a second so learning to be still in my thoughts has been a huge process to learn. Radiation for cancer took me to my first stage of stillness because I was so tired all I could do is sleep or lay awake staring at nothing until sleep overtook me again. I grew in quieting my mind through that process and through the years I have settled down. Recently I finished the process of learning to let go of relationships and as I have let go and let God, I am feeling a quietness within me. I was talking to my life long friend Marilyn recently and I was explaining this quietness to her and I could feel the quietness as we spoke. The search to be loved, to be wanted and to be accepted is over. I have found all that in my relationship with Jesus. I don't have the need to be excessively silly to deflect any anger that may be coming towards me, I don't need to fit into a certain social group and I find I genuinely like who I am. With all those restrictions I placed on myself now gone I find I can love living in the present. It seems that God has laid certain passages on my heart the shape He wanted it to be in "But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,goodness,faithfulness,gentleness,self-control;against such things there is no law." God took me through each of these things until I started to imprint them on my heart. I had very little patience so God placed me in all kinds of situations where I had to learn to be patient with people who were slower than I was mentally as much as physically. I learned to let the person finish their thoughts instead of finishing their sentences for them. I learned use self control when I wanted to control a situation where I should roll with the situation and on through the list God took me. I found myself learning that we all are not at the same place in our faith walk at the same time and that was okay. Next I found myself focused on the love chapter in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 " Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hope endures all things." God was teaching me what love looks like and how to love the way He loves me. I learned "it is not all about me." I have had a problem with making life all about me and this was with me as a young child because my siblings were telling me that to me all the time. And later as an adult I had a tendency to ask questions about something I was struggling with like my computer at work when the IT person was working with another person in my area. The more I felt God's love the less inclined I felt the need to make life about me. God did teach me to use my story to tell of His goodness in my life and I still do this a lot. Along the way I grew in hope and faith when one day God taught me the last sentence in 1 Corinthians 13 "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I was learning to grow in faith and hope which before this point I had what I now call wishing and no real hope. I was starting to believe the promises of God and this passage was teaching me to look at my heart first and then look at other peoples heart. For me the heart message is Agape love or seek another person's highest good. This piece has made the greatest impact on my life. I had to be honest in what I wanted for other people and not seek my needs of them. I had to be honest when honesty was scary because I might be rejected. God teaches me to please Him and find my need in only Him. He will give me my needs not my wants. I have cut the last needy cords in my life and in this I find great peace and contentment. I feel comfortable with the woman God is creating me to be and I even like her, when others don't like me I believe it is their loss because I am special. I am sure I have more things to grow through before my time on earth is gone and I have faith that God will give me the hope of a better day in His wonderful love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 14, 2017

Greetings My Friend, "How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? But the Lord has set apart the godly for himself." Okay I woke up when I read that passage in Psalms. Sometimes I find a theme as I read the OT, Psalms and the NT. Today I found the theme mostly in the Psalms and the NT. A few words later I read "Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your own beds, and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord." I have chased all the wild dreams of the flesh seeking for....at this point I am not sure what I was seeking other than maybe to be seen, heard and liked. Then there was the wakening of my heart wanting and desiring so much more from life, the world was not giving me what I truly thought I wanted. It seems that a lot of thinking or pondering goes on in the night on your bed so I was surprised to see the Psalmist stating to ponder on your bed. The silent part is hard for me anyway, my mind has a constant round of chatter going on. My mind feels like the noise of the world, the TV going, traffic outside, and even the equipment we use in the house like vacuum cleaners and the washing machine. Noise is all around us so being quiet is difficult. Since moving to the country away from the urban Detroit area I have found that quiet. Walking down our country road cars come by here and there, the sounds of the birds singing fill the air and the sights of deer and rabbits fill my mind with a gentle quiet that is soothing. A few times God sent me to the porch when anxiety was consuming me the peace felt so good. In the quiet I settled the anxious thoughts I could feel God's whisper on my heart. Because of this exercise I am able to hear God's whisper's more often these days. Next I read in the NT the book of John, "So the Pharisees said to one another, "You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him." I am seeing how Jesus is not what the world wants to consume them. The Pharisees were upset that the Jewish people were seeking the Savior Scriptures talks about. Yesterday I learned that the Pharisees wanted to keep things the way they have always been because they liked their authority with the Jewish people. Again I see that in today's reading and I "hear" my heart choosing Jesus along with the Jewish people of Jesus' day. I hear God saying to me "How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?" I have been on a journey of learning to live the simple life and this simple life teaches me that the world is not impressed with it at all. In fact the world sees the simple life as boring, not intelectualy stimulating etc. God teaches me that He is not expecting me to serve Him in a wild and frantic pace but in an in depth way. I like this way more and more and I strive to maintain this quieter pace, well I also am made to slow down because I can no longer run the pace I once did. I sense that God has allowed me to have Parkinson's Disease and Chronic Fatigue so that I will slow down to hear His whispers on my heart and to share the things I am learning. When I look at my broken body these days I am not upset like I was. The search for what was going on with me has ended and now I know what it is. I know the source and now I learn to live with it, to make the best of my life with God's guidance. I am grateful for the country life God has sent me to and since my abilities are limited along with my energy level I am choosing to be active within our home. I have taken on the joy of cooking simple meals from scratch, soup, bread and putting up food for the winter. I am relearning how to sew once more making quilts, skirts and even a few nightgowns. My people socializing is saved for church and trips to the store mostly grocery shopping and Lowe's for renovating on the home. I am able to reach out to people in my community and on the internet to minister to and I love this life so much more than when I was a wife, mother, working outside and inside the home, going to college and volunteering. I was tired, believed many lies and so unhappy. Give me Jesus that is where my heart is today, I am happy and content. May God bless you and keep make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 11, 2017

Greetings My Friends, Sometimes the truth is inconvenient. It was in Jesus' day as much as it is today. We know what we should do, should follow or believe but it is a bother to pay attention to the facts that are staring us in the face. Jesus is a fact the world does not want to accept, the world thinks it is unfair that there is only one God and wants the idea all ways lead to God. God sent His Son to live a perfect life and then die for our sins, that is not convenient either because we like our sins and want to hold onto them even if they are destroying our lives. The Pharisees in Jesus' day saw that Jesus was upsetting the status quo when He rose Lazarus from the grave. "So the chief of priests and the Pharisees gathered the council and said 'What are we to do? For this man performs many signs. If we let him go on like this everyone will believe in him, and the Romans will come and take away our place and our nation.' The religious leaders liked the role they had in their society, even though they could quote Scriptures and should have realized Jesus was the long awaited Savior they had gotten very comfortable. They knew these signs were reason to believe Jesus was who He said He was and they were willing to ignore these marvelous signs so they could go on as they were. They preferred to live for the flesh and eternity in hell rather live for their spirit meeting the Spirit of God and live eternity in heaven. Throughout my life I had my struggle with living and admitting that Jesus was who He said He was. I did not like being bold and declaring my faith because it might offend others. Today I believe that what God says is what God will do. He says if we will not believe He is God, that His Son is Jesus we are truly choosing our eternity in hell. We want to think that a loving God would never do this. Actually a loving God has set the boundaries and will make us choose Him or not choose Him. Adam and Eve chose to listen to the devil and God threw them out of the Garden of Eden, if God did this with Adam and Eve then I believe each and everyone of us will have to choose. The Bible speaks a lot on what God wants of us, about hell and heaven and we need to choose Jesus or not. I am amazed when I run into passages like this. I see that back in the time of Jesus people preferred to live for the flesh rather for eternity the same thing is going on today. I used to think we have come so far from those days, look at all that has been created since then like electric lights, cars and so on. Today I often think that we are getting dumber not smarter with each passing generation. Yes we have gadgets and with these gadgets we are further from our spirit. A walk in the woods or a quiet walk on a beach will open our spirit within us to long to connect with God. We walk further away from God by all the distractions in our day to day life. Living on our little piece of property where mountains and woods surround us has opened my spirit within me and I find it reaching up to God. I learn the simple life which is so much more rewarding than all the years I tried to fill my day with so much activity that at the end of the day wears me out and leaves me empty inside. Ultimately we all are searching for that inner quiet. Some fill their lives with activity and others are discovering to slow down and listen to the still voice of God whisper on their heart. I find I long to tell of this Jesus that loved us enough to open the doors of heaven to all who will believe and allow Jesus to bring them to the Father. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 9, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Awhile ago I decided to look up the definition of the word holy, it means set apart. I have mulled this over in my mind a lot since then. I have learned through the years being a Christian means we choose to be set apart because Jesus' life was set apart, that God has always been set apart at least since the fall. Right now I am in Leviticus which is a whole lot of rules and regulations and well it is hard to grasp all that is being taught. My new method underlining and circling is helping me to read each word and in the midst of these long tedious chapters I am finding some nuggets of profound information. My first sentence was "Consecrate yourselves therefore and be holy, for I am holy, for I am the Lord your God. Keep my statutes and do them; I the Lord who sanctifies you." I see that God is calling me to not be like those all around me but to be set apart. I learn that He is going to sanctify me so I look this word up to find it means "make holy and bless." I also learn I will be purified be made more perfect and I find comfort in this. I have always loved learning and growing in my learning, I used to think a college education was what I needed but it was more tests and a bias that the teacher had that did not always match up to my moral compass. With God I have entered the best schooling for me, studying God's Word, growing in His design for mankind and in my special unique job for His kingdom. I like this learning the best. I am encourager I love seeing the potential in all people so writing is one way I am able to encourage others. My unique way of encouraging is telling my story so others relate, realize they can be and do and at times I encourage myself to spur "me" on. I realize why God calls us to be set apart and I am comforted in this. It is getting easier to not be like the world because God makes me feel very special. I read further and discover God speaking again,"You shall be holy to me for the Lord am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine." Again I hear God calling us to be in the world but not of the world. God is growing a special people first to Himself and I sense He is also setting us apart so that we may reach out to bring new believers to Him. He teaches us that He wants a "royal priesthood" which says to me we are to teach the world of God's wonderful grace. As Jesus spoke to sinners we are to reach out to the sinners around us and give them the hope of Jesus. I learn that God is not calling us to be uppity ups but to have love and compassion. God did not make life easy for the Israelite's they had to obey Him, choose to follow His way of life for them. It seems hard to live like this but through the years I have learned to listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance and I am able to follow God's ways. I can not do it on my own but I can do much with the Holy Spirit's guidance. God does not expect us to do all of our holy living on our own. On my own I can see the wrong in me and I give up rather than try. With Jesus I learn to be thankful for the simple but important things in life, I have food to eat, a roof over my head and I am thankful for many things I used to take for granted. I no longer need to be like others and I am content in my own unique way. I thank God for being a friend when I felt alone and unwanted, He has shown me I am His and He will never leave me or forsake me. With Parkinson's I struggle to walk. The other day Junior and I went down to our neighbor's and I took myself up his porch steps. When it came time to leave I needed help getting down the steps. I am grateful I could be outside in the rare warm February afternoon. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 7, 2017

Greetings My Friend, The question I have gotten is how can you cope with Parkinson's? I cope because I either live the life I have or I bemoan the life I have. I choose to live to the best of my ability, to enjoy my life and to share it with others and bring the Good News into a hurting world. Junior and I are doing our weekly Sunday school lesson in Philippians and we are learning about Paul's contentment no matter what the circumstances are. As we end the weeks lesson one of the passages is "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." In my journey of faith I am learning to be content with what I do have, not what I want. God keeps teaching me that He will supply my needs not my wants. I need food, clothing, a roof over my head, friends and love. God has provided me with all of these things and as I learn to be content, I keep discovering true contentment right where I am at. I have a need to work, to be productive so God has given me work to do for Kingdom building. My thought when I retired was I would do mission trips, volunteer and I even attempted to work in a thrift store that supported abused women until I realized even that was too much for me to handle. Surprisingly I was able to write without needing a whole lot of energy and I see that God has been pointing me to a writing at my own pace. I joined Facebook, Twitter and found a group of people to socialize with. When I was told I had Chiari I found a group on line who shared their struggles with Chiari Malformation. Within a short time I discovered I was not dealing with all the same issues most of the group was dealing with but I have maintained my association with these people. Next I was told I had Ataxia so once more I joined this group and I related kind of. Now that I know I have Parkinson's Disease I am in this group as well. I have a blog and a Facebook page where I write about my life's journey and how my faith in Jesus sustains me. By sharing my struggles I have made friends who also have disabilities and we support each other. Most of us have a faith in Jesus which helps too. Through all of this God has been supplying my need to work, to be ministered to and has given me a social life, a chance to enter into disability with others, to write about my discoveries and a chance to pray for all I meet who are going through various trials in life. Along the way I realized that God was allowing me to be confined more to the house than opening the doors for me to be active at church or in the community where I live. I believe God knew how I would get more caught up in socializing, wanting to be recognized as a person seeking approval and not utilize the gift of writing He has given me. I have learned to be content in the quiet of our home and today I enjoy this quiet. I am never alone because God is near all the time and He provides me with people to socialize with on line. In all of this I have a few young women whom I can "mother", women my age who are disabled and people with my disease who can relate to me. God has put Junior and I together and we are a couple with disabilities who support each other. We understand each others needs and concerns, which is answered by God as we pray to be what the other needs. Recently I have found I am asked the reason for my hope, especially in my support groups and I give them the hope I have in Jesus. I do this by giving my "story" and how I rely on God to meet my needs. I have lived many years now so I have many stories, abuse as a child, an adult, divorce, cancer and the journey to finding out I have PD. Sometimes I give a condensed version of all my stories or other times I relate my story to the person's particular struggle. I love being an encourager, an overcomer with Jesus' help and giving the hope of a Savior who loves us. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 4, 2017

Greetings My Friend, There are those moments when I struggle to think as I once did. Sometimes I go the fridge to get something and I open the door, stand stareing until I can pull up what I went the fridge for. It takes me a few more seconds than it used to, then Junior and I decided I should take over the bills. He was paying them well, he struggled with spending too much money so he gave me his credit cards and the check book so I could help him keep himself in check. No problem or so I thought, I used to do all the bill paying in my first marriage and with Junior I had a set of bills I paid with my check and he had others with his check. It worked rather well the first 10 years we were married. In retirement we went to shared accounts and I was struggling so he took over paying the bills. I picked up the plotting and planning again and learned all about bill pay and went on my merry way. Not really, I soon discovered silly mistakes like not registering what checks I was writing, not looking on line enough to stay on top of the ebb and flow of our money. It was hard but I gave Junior the checkbook back and he agreed he should handle the finances again. The good thing is this timeout gave Junior the incentive to stop spending money. We also have decided to work on what to pay together more which means I will keep my hand in on our finances. We are putting our house up for sale that we have been renting since the market went bad and we were upside down on our mortgage. The housing market has picked up so we should be able to get what we paid for the house. As we thought about this I thought it would be nice to travel up to Michigan so we could prepare the house to put it on the market and then we would need to be there for the signing. Junior has been gently telling me that I wear out to easily and he felt travel is not for my good anymore. I did not want to hear this though until we had a couple of very busy days recently. I was exhausted beyond belief which when the truth of what Junior has been telling me hit me. A phone call to our realtor assured me that we do not need to make the trip. He is asking the tenant for a walk through to get an idea of what needs to be done. He knows of people who will paint and spruce up the house to put it on the market and then he informed me that we also do not need to be in Michigan for the signing when the house sells. He can send the documents via e-mail and we can fax them back which means I won't have to struggle with my energy level being poor. Parkinson's is hard to accept at times, I am at peace for the most part although letting go of somethings is taking some adjustment. Right now, I am wondering if I will have dementia and I am a bit scared. As of yet I have not taken this concern fully to God which is what I need to do. Exhaustion has been keeping me from some of the mind games I have been playing like jigsaw puzzles or word search games. With this realization I believe I need to make an effort to play them more. I am exercising my body as much as I can and PD seems to be taking most of my focus. I am sure I will have to learn even more so I can maintain for as long as possible. As I have discovered new concerns I realize I need to begin a new set of conversations with God. I know that I know He will walk with me through this difficult disease, it is the hope I have and the peace in my heart. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 2, 2017

Greetings My Friend Waiting for God's timing can be a long wait and you wonder if you have heard Him correctly. In August of 2010 we bought the home we now are living in. We were in love with it before we were ever let inside to see it and when we walked through we knew this was our home. The house was built in the 1920's, had not had anyone living in it for several years, had no heat source and the house had not changed much since it was built even so we knew it was exactly what we wanted. We thought we would be able to find a contractor to come in and get the house up to snuff but never did. Junior undertook teaching himself how to renovate and has done a great job. He is slow due to his back problems and he does not mind redoing something 4 or 5 times until he gets it just the way he wants it to be. Right now he is starting the master bedroom and bathroom and he has made progress in regards to some insulating, putting up a wall and such. Our friend Debbie suggested we try her contractor and then he got tied up with several projects so we were discouraged. Recently I heard that Henry was looking for some work and I asked if he did plumbing. Junior hates plumbing jobs and he will put them off until I can no longer turn the faucet on. So Henry came by to help with a plumbing job or 2 and in the course of conversations we asked if he would be willing to help Junior with the bedroom and bathroom. Henry said he is interested and he will begin working on this project. Along the way we would make calls, look on the internet some more and people would not even come out to give us a hand. I realized that Junior would do well until it came to the plumbing piece and so I have started trying to figure out how to get him some help knowing that it is rare out here. Henry made it over and I now have a laundry room sink and a tankless water heater for the washing machine which means hot water. Since we moved into this house we have not had hot water for the washing machine. Somewhere in my heart I knew God would bring us what we needed when we needed it the most and today is the day that we have the help we need the most. I sense that Junior would not mind slowing down with renovating and would not mind getting involved in a slower pace. He had wanted to work as long as he could at his job in a paint chemical factory. He was not able to due to his back problems caused by his amputation when he was in the war. Renovating to him was his job and he has loved it for the most part. It was his "job". Along the way we found ourselves grateful that we did not have the contractors right off, the more we have lived in the house we have found that what we first wanted would not have worked for our needs. Junior and I have been able to sit in a room or use a room and now know those little patterns that will be of most use to us. Our relationship has grown stronger as we have learned to understand each others work style. I was able to come back to an energy level where I am able to keep the house up, prepare meals and make Junior comfortable. With my diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease Junior has been learning to give me a wide path to move around in allowing for my tendency to wobble back and forth. I have learned how hard it is to work being disabled, when I was more able bodied I felt if I gave an extra hour or 2 to Junior's project I was being generous only to learn in my disability that it is not so easy to project. I am grateful for the long time before we found a contractor to work with us because it has given Junior and I time to grow in our retirement. God does know best. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet