June 16, 2016

Greetings My Friend There are times I find myself feeling very critical or the need to place blame so that I do not have to face what is going on in my own life. The blame game and critical one up on someone is a slow descent into darkness. I feel good for a season and then soon I can not see any good in life at all. A way I try to counteract these unsavory habits is to set my mind on being thankful for each and every part of my life. Some mornings when I wake up I begin with being thankful for another day to grow and to live in that growth. The more I get the run around about my health it is easy for me to get discouraged. When I refocus on what I am learning as my PCP and I work at finding out what is wrong I begin to see that this journey of finding out is helpful. With each potential diagnosis I do research. The research teaches me to handle muscle weakness and fatigue, I am able to share about the many invisible illness' that there are and how a handicap is not always visible to the eye. I find a lot of pain physical and mental pain associated with invisible illness' which offers me a chance to pray for people. I am ready for a plan of action in regards to my disability but in the meantime I learn the things I need to learn. As a young woman I did not like all the junk I grew up in and was bitter for many years. The older I get I find myself having compassion and understanding. To me it is learning to forgive and to allow myself to see with a new set of eyes. The dysfunctions I went through are what made me who I am today. I am stronger because I lived through it and learned not to be bitter. I wish I did not have to endure what I endured and at the same time I have moments of thankfulness. I am dependable because my parents gave me responsibilities, some which were beyond my years. I am an organizer because of the chaos I lived through. In general these traits are what define me today. Because I lived with chaos I am able to live alongside a man who sees no need to put his things away after he is through working. I am thankful that God loves me even when I make mistakes. I am thankful for correction because in that correction I grow and learn. Sometimes I ask a lot of questions, pout because of the hard work that changing requires and one day I see I have grown. Moving out of "that is not fair" is one of the biggest joys in my life. Life is not always fair and I learn that the only way change can happen is when it starts with me. The starting with me requires me to look to God more often to seek His guidance. The more I change listening to God the stronger my faith in Him grows. I learn to thank God all throughout the day now and that thankfulness brings a sense of awe over me. Slowly I see God's consistency and faithfulness to me. This process teaches me to trust and to believe which deepens my faith in Jesus. That is another thing, the more I see the cross the more I realize how Jesus knows the everyday pain of life in a fallen world. He walked, felt it and died for it only to rise from the grave and ascend into Heaven. This whole process opens my eyes to the fact that our God is a living and loving God. I can trust He truly wants my best which invites me to get up from each fall and try again. I am grateful that I was able to reconcile my struggles with my Dad before he died. I felt close as we walked into his last days together and with the family. Mom on the other hand has been a journey more after her death for me to reconcile. Right off I knew I had forgiven her and myself but I could not understand what made her to be the hard woman she was. God let me live with the indifference for a long time before He revealed how she struggled and how it hardened her. Through it all I admired her will to push past Dad's polio and forge a life for us. Today I marvel at her strong effort to provide for us. Her struggle is not my struggle but living beside her I learned loyalty, hard work and determination. Being Dad's care giver taught me compassion and to overcome the difficulties in life. Out of that chaos I was forged into the woman I am now. For that I am grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 14, 2016

Greetings My Friend, We all have a past and want to blame this past for our current problems. Part of the past is the stuff we dealt with in childhood so we are still angry with what was done to us. For me it took years to reconcile the wrongs done to me. I also did not know how to get past the hurts and how to deal with life more effectively. Counseling was a stepping stone out of the despair I felt although it was not the full answer. I started seeing that blaming and anger was taking me nowhere fast so along with counseling I started to "fake it until I made it." I started joking and finding things to laugh about generally some defect I had. If I could look at my flaws then I felt I would find all of us have defects which then would make me real. Somehow though like counseling I only made tiny baby steps towards finding inner peace. What has made the most difference for me is my faith journey. The other steps were good first steps but the faith journey was the piece that truly helped me find peace and contentment in life. If no one likes me I know God loves me so deeply and fully that the hurts are comforted in me like nothing I have experienced. The more I walk with Jesus the more I find my value is only what God thinks of me. Jesus stretched out His arms and died for me and for each of us. Just as God provides the food for us we must go out and get it, we must also accept this gift of Jesus. Today I still have struggles with PTSD because of my past. It does not rule me as it once did though. When I feel scared I find myself asking God to help me through the situation. God has and always will guide me. He sent us to live here in SW VA which made no sense at the time. Today I see that the quiet country side keeps me settled and when the pain of the past does flare, I am able to work through the pain. Sometimes I am in frequent conversations with Jesus because of the pain I feel rearing in my life. These conversations are filled with hugs and my tears are wiped off. I all of a sudden feel stronger and then God seems to push me to get up and face the struggle. Being in a faith journey does not mean we never struggle with our past it does mean we learn how to handle that pain. I also find there are some people who are more comfortable in their pain and prefer to stay there. For a moment I have empathy and then I find that the person does want to learn new ways to cope so I need to leave them stuck. As with each part of a faith journey God teaches how to work through things just as he provides the food and then we have to go get it, it is the same with our healing. If we are not willing to take that first step then you are left there until you choose to take it. I believe this is why some Christians do not move past the first few steps in their faith journey while others may take years to move from step to step. I myself had a hard time moving full steps behind the scenes though I find that I have been taking baby steps depending how long I have struggled. I love Jesus because I am loved even in my baby steps faze and He waits gently for me to understand the things I need to learn. I also am learning to see and hear instructions better. When I married the first time I fainted at my wedding, I was sick to my stomach and I insisted going through with the wedding. After 24 years of marriage and I looked back at this event I see God was speaking to me and I was not listening. I was worried about all the people who came to see us get married and I was not concerned about what God was telling me. God was speaking as firmly as He could and I insisted on doing it my way. I tried to make things right and make that decision fit into God's will. It did not work, it won't ever work, we have to be willing to submit to God even if it does not make sense. Today I am more adept at hearing God's directions which means there are times I am not on track too. I now know to repent and God will then begin leading me in the direction I need to be in. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 11, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I keep seeing how God wants me to live my life as I read the Bible. I see His instructions in both the OT and the NT too. He wants me to be honest, use honest weights and measures, be humble, honor Him with my first fruits and the list goes on. Today while reading my morning study I also see that God knows there are those who refuse to see His awesomeness. We know those that truly don't want to hear the Good News and no matter how hard we try they will refuse to hear. Sometimes I want to go the extra mile to get a person to understand the gift I have been given and today I see that I can try but I do not need to wear myself out trying. I can live as Godly as I can with the Holy Spirit's help. I can have a defense of why I believe when I am asked and after a bit I need to move on. I liken my actions to seed planting. The seed is planted in the soil and we do not see the transformation of that seed until it starts to pop through the earth. We planted the seed and then we watered it and the sun warmed the earth enticing the seed out of the earth. The rain nourished the seed and one day it is coming forth. Today I believe that I am a seed planter of God's Word. I may do it with words, how I treat others or even how I manage my own life in my faith. When I understand that coming to a faith in Jesus is one step here and one step there I find it easier to present what I know, live what I believe. Some will come to a faith and some will not. I have done what I can to spread God's loving kindness. Ultimately God is the one who will be the one who speaks to the unbeliever's soul and bring them fully into His Kingdom. I sense God wants me to do my part and then let Him do the rest. In the meantime I need to live humbly, do not seek to make those who choose not to see, to see. I need to be right with God leave it in His hands. I need to be on guard in my own journey so that I do not become prideful. For me my walk in faith is a day to day learning and growing experience. Some days I am right on target and some days I have wandered off into a field somewhere. When I find myself wandering I need to take hold of my thoughts and train them back into God's Word. I find that as I seek to reach out to others I need to reach back to myself as well. By consistently learning to keep my eyes focused on the cross I stay on target to the mission I am given. God has gifted me with my own special job within His Kingdom so I need to not get involved in so much activity that I loose sight of His desire for me. My daily alone time with God is how I am able to stay focused. I love this quiet time I spend with God. I read His Word and think about the lessons I find in the Word. To me it is the studying I love to do. I get to ask a ton of questions and I am in awe when those questions begin to turn into answers for me. Sometimes I share what I learn and sometimes I realize that what I am learning is for me alone. It is awesome to be a student in my journey of faith. The more I am settling into retirement I once again am enjoying the special quiet time I loved when I worked. It has been a journey to get back to this point and now that it is here again I am thrilled beyond words. Some mornings I wake up early, do my Bible study and then go back to bed.Other mornings I get up, dig into my study and then get my day started. Either way I am grateful to have this special time alone with God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 9, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Since getting a functional kitchen last winter I find myself enjoying it a whole lot. I love making home made bread, jam, applesauce and this week I started dehydrating strawberries. Canning seemed to huge a task which I am not up to these days but dehydrating sounded like something I could tackle. My first attempt at dehydrating was solar dehydrating which proved to be a flop. I then decided to try using an electric dehydrator and my first attempt was a success. I am making less processed meals these days and I am proud of this accomplishment. I am even making things that I can take for a quick meal on the road which means we are not eating at fast foods as much. Moving out of the kitchen I have finally gotten a sewing machine I can figure out and I am in the process of making a 2nd quilt. I ordered bandannas from a wholesale place on line and I ordered the same size bandanna's to make it. It happens that I received a pack that was a different size, larger. I have figured out how to use them to fill in the sides of the quilt which is not quite the size of the sheet I am using as a back to the quilt. The amazing thing about all of this is my mind is functioning again in a way that it has not in a few years. My health issues played havoc with my thinking for such a long time that I was concerned I would never come back. I am not where I once was but today I am a whole lot better. For me getting my mind to be active again has been a journey not unlike getting my body to be active again. For the longest time I set my thinking on how a room needed to be decorated, how to work with Junior on planning out the room to best suite our needs as he renovated. This simple little start has helped me to work up to learning new things and even how to do old things in a new way as my handicaps inside of my body keeps leaving me. I am scared of what is going on more because of the unknown. I am also thankful because God keeps guiding me to going further than I thought possible. He continues to be my hope which is my motivation to keep on going. As I focus on God and He brings me to deal with these huge life changes I find I am grateful. In a logical worldly way this does not make sense but in a spiritual way I am starting to understand more fully God's awesome power. This is where I meet God in awe of Him. I learn to accept the changes sometimes in long drawn out ups and downs of emotions. He continues to hear my fear, calm my fear and then sends me into the day again. I no longer believe I can achieve perfection on one try. I do see that one step leads to the next and then to the next. God is on each step with me allowing me to fall, to try again and one day I discover that I have made it to the next step up. Each step of this journey seems to keep moving upward. For the longest time I felt that God would give up on me if I could not master that first step, the second and so on. Today I know He accepts me at each step just as He did the first day I gave my heart to Him. I feel this is much like when Junior asked me to marry him and right after he asked me if I was willing to be married to him for the rest of my life. I made the commitment and now I see he means it too, I no longer worry that he is going bail on me when the going gets tough. This is the commitment I feel with God and now I feel safer with my walk. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 7, 2017

http://lettersfromjanetblogspot.com Greetings My Friend Each day in my Bible study journal I ask this question: "How can I serve others today?" My answer reflected on what I had studied which was in 1 Timothy. Timothy was advised by Paul, "Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge, for by professing it some have severed from the faith." Sometimes I think I have a tendency to listen to all kinds of thoughts about what God is saying. It is easy to get myself on a rabbit trail that leads to no where. My reading these days is not what it was in my younger days so I have made my first priority to read the Bible each day and I do little more in depth reading than this I am content. I no longer listen to Christian talk radio either so my thinking is mainly what I am learning as I read the Bible. I do listen to a sermon on Sunday and I study in Sunday school so I am getting a deeper understanding of the Bible. My cousin Dawn and I have long chats on what we are learning as we read our Bible. Dawn is a reader so she reads all kinds of Christian books on relationships and such. I enjoy our talks a lot. After contemplating my journal question I felt the answer was "Read the Word, live the Word and give the Word." Lately "give the Word" seems to be do it without using words or in other words "live the Word." My biggest desire is for people to understand that there is an end to this life and then eternity. That eternity thing is never going to change life after that will stay the same day in and day out forever. I fear for people who make no decision about their faith, just going through life enjoying it or not and then they die and this is what stops me cold, that word forever and ever and ever. I never wanted to be a Bible thumper pounding the sins of the people over their heads. I do want them to realize we are sinners though and we need to face that fact. It does not matter what was done to you through the years and that is why you behave as you do. I have felt these moments myself, how was I going to change, it is not my fault that such and so a thing happened to me. The sad fact is we are the ones that can live in that hurt or we can confess it, give it to God and allow Him to change us. I find living out my faith to be the best way I know how to spread the Gospel. A long time ago when I was upset with my life the way it was and I felt I had no control a friend told me it was up to me to change the script. There was going to be no changing until I began to change my life. I resented this piece of information because I felt I was always trying and the other person was not. Years later I see the truth in this statement. I did begin to change my script in life. I went back to school, I got a job and eventually found my way to Jesus. I remember confessing and the freedom that seeped through me. I learned that God takes me right where I am at and He loves me too much to leave me there. This has been true in my life. Today my living my faith is the hope I truly have. This hope speaks to those that see me and want to change. Some say they want to change but they keep living the same way. I have learned to see these people and I love them for a season. Because God won't let me stay where I am for long I find I need to move along. Sometimes I meet someone who truly wants to change and all of a sudden God slows me down and shows me how to mentor the person. Help is there for everyone if they truly want it. I find my help in my day to day walk in the Lord to be the best place to change. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 4, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Having disabilities means the need to constantly do a mental check of what is happening inside the body. For me right now Chiari Malformation and Ataxia are in the back of my mind as I attempt to stay on top of my asthma. Until this week I had forgotten how summer weather although a wonderful time of the year as far as weather, it is a difficult time in regards to allergies. The days on end with rain has meant the mold is up, when the rain stopped I thought the allergens would have been lower but instead they are high and humidity brings other problems. Right now I feel like I am fighting hard to keep from having my symptoms turn into bronchitis. I am using my as needed inhaler more, my breathe essential oils more and I am taking a lot more vitamin C, with all of this attention so far bronchitis has been kept at bay. Added to making sure I am on top of medications I find I am needing to stop and take a nap more frequently. No matter how hard I push myself I have to nap. I am calling these extra naps my rest in God time. If I allow myself to take these naps I find I can wake up with enough energy to do a few things and by working around the house as I am able I have that sense of accomplishment. When I sit and can not do things I get discouraged and eventually I am depressed so I am grateful I am able to work even if it is a little bit. For the time being I am grateful that I have worked until I understand how to cope with Chiari and Ataxia. I can go on auto pilot while I cope with asthma which means most of the summer. Last summer asthma took me by surprise and in the fall I realized I had struggled most of the summer. This summer I am more aware of what to expect so I am hoping I am able to deal more effectively with my symptoms. I see that Junior has learned his weak areas and knows how to work around them which after 40 some years are well ingrained into his lifestyle. With this as my example I hope within a few years all of my limitations will be 2nd nature too. I know too that traveling and major distances should be done in early spring or in the fall. This way I can enjoy the visits and sightseeing much more. The heat of summer is to be enjoyed at home on the porch more in the evenings maybe some in the mornings as the pollen settles down. God has worked with me teaching me to be comfortable at home and the need to run no longer consumes me. I fill my days doing things at home and enjoy myself. Learning to do this has also taught me to enjoy a simpler life that does not need to be filled with some sort of excitement or drama anymore. I find the more I enter into a quiet life the more I love life. I am grateful that Junior was comfortable with the quiet life when I met him. I knew I would like it, I had desired it and at first it was hard for me to enter into it. I did not realize how addicted to drama I had become so letting go was hard work. It has been worth all the hard work though. The simple life also allows me time to work slower and at to take time outs as I need them. I find that the work gets done, sometimes it takes longer to get it all done but it gets done and next week is another chance to do better. I have loosened my strict self standards and in that process I enjoy day to day life so much more. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 2, 2016

Greetings My Friend One of the things I find surprisingly comforting when I am out in the wheelchair is people "see" me. When I was a young mother I befriended a lady who was in a wheelchair for most of her life. She told me that when she was out with her husband people would talk about her as if she was not there. Nearly 40 years later I find when I am in the wheelchair people talk to me and ask questions. That is refreshing. I am amazed at the helpful hands that are willing to assist me. I struggle regulating the speed of the scooters while I am shopping and I miss my mark hitting a display often. People who are near reach over and move the display or pick up the spilled items. I am thankful for tender kindness as I figure out how to do things. It is hard enough learning to handle my body, my equipment and then trying to right the wrong I created so the hand out is appreciated. I see that some people with gait problems are sometimes mistaken for being drunk, I have experienced this too. That hurts even when I am trying to explain that I am not drunk. For me I am attempting to learn grace in another way. My goal is to explain and then walk away the best I can. To be honest I am grateful to semi bypass this situation rather quickly because I am in the wheelchair out in public. I still have adopted the mindset if my explanation does not help I know I am not drunk and God knows. For some reason this quiets me. I also see on some faces I meet that they do not believe I am so bad that I need a wheelchair. Again I attempt grace for myself, people can believe what they want I know this is working for me and God knows. The part of learning that God knows teaches me I am placing my trust in God's acceptance and letting go of "man's" acceptance. I am better at this endeavor and I am still growing in it which means sometimes I let "man's" acceptance matter too much. Much like most of my faith journey thus far I continue to learn to rely on God to help me make it through my life. In a round about way I see that His allowing this disability into my life has allowed me to keep refining my faith and growing me stronger. I wish I did not have to deal with all of the changes and at the same time I find peace as I learn to accept this is what my life is. I am amazed when I have peace and acceptance with a body that is breaking down before I was ready for it to. I felt that I tried to take care of my body, live right then I should stay able bodied longer. My refocus on this now is I am grateful for taking care of my body because it helps me to move through the changes and may have even been longer in arriving. I can accept this and move on or I can bemoan it and wallow in it. I admit that the process has been a long one especially when I did not know why I was falling apart. I lost a few friends who thought I was being dramatic, turned to Junior too much and such. God, Junior and my doctor have walked with me grew with me and encouraged me. I am once more fairly independent as I am able. It is cute when I am transferring from the truck to the wheelchair how Junior watches out for me and I am thankful for the helping hands the reach out when I misjudge the scooter. Overall I am finding more positive people these days. This process has taught me who my true friends are. That too is a blessing and a wake up call that some friends are in my life for a short time and other friends are here to stay. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet