February 16 2016

February 16 2016 Greetings My Friend I have about had it with slipcovers for the chairs in the sitting room. I have used slipcovers bought from a store, old quilts and comforters, even sheets. They all looked nice as long as they stayed in place. The slipcover we bought looked good too but with so many dogs the cover was difficult to get on and off. I felt the slipcovers allowed us to keep the furniture clean and gave the room some color. Recently I started telling Junior that all my attempts to keep the covers clean which included a cover for pets is a pain in the neck. I wanted to have furniture that was nice and did not need covers and would be easy to keep clean. At present we can’t afford more new chairs. My recliner I had bought from Lazy Boy a couple of years ago started to rip. I had thought that microfiber meant it was durable. The chair has a lot of life in it so Junior found some upholstery fabric and spray glued it to the seat and the feet of the recliner. It looks like it was made this way. We are contemplating some other ideas for the other chair and glider in the sitting room. The TV room now is all leather furniture so we are able to wipe the chair and loveseat down. My thought is to keep a towel over the other furniture seats in the sitting room. As money becomes available we will buy leather. Again the upkeep will be easier. The other thing I have noticed is the leather recliner I bought Junior 17 or 18 years ago still looks good. It has one small rip in the arm. Each time I have to rework these things I find that I can refuse to change or learn to be flexible. Being flexible is easier than moaning and groaning and venting to each ear I happen to cross. I have found a way to be flexible with Junior’s clutter he leaves for me to stumble around. I have learned he truly can not see the struggle that this clutter brings me. A blanket statement about cleaning it up means move one piece of wood to him and he is proud of the work he done to help me. If I am able to I keep the area clean from clutter and slowly I have learned to see that this clutter is helping me to have a bit more agility. I have to think out each step, find something near to hang onto and I am making my way around better. The floors in the house are clear other than in the kitchen where he is working so that helps quite a bit. Sometimes the kitchen is way to hard for me to deal with so I ask Junior to do the cooking and he does. I have learned to make my requests short and sweet. Junior is able to process this easier than trying to make a more indepth request. Asking him to clear me a pathway is too difficult for him to process. To me it is a simple request but through the years I have found a sweeping statement is difficult for him. Junior is learning that I struggle sometimes doing things I have always done and that the think it out process is sometimes hard. For a while he could not understand why I knew how to do things and then I did not. The more we learn about my ataxia and chiari the more we understand what brain fog is. Life right now is teaching me how we all process information differently and that does not make us stupid just different. And that is okay. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 13 2016

February 13 2016 Greetings My Friend The season of romance is here. My current marriage has taught me the importance of keeping romance alive in our marriage. We loved going to singles dances and after we married we had weddings we attended for Single Point friends and for family and friends that had young people entering into marriage. We were able to keep the dancing going. My mother was still alive and we quickly found ourselves involved with her care so those dancing days were diminishing. Settling into marriage and 2 different work shifts meant altering our date nights to venues. Within a few years our date nights changed from active nights out to a trip to the grocery store. Going later in the evening was fun. The store was emptier, it was fun to steal kisses in an empty aisle. We giggled and had fun buying groceries. About the time I had cancer I found going to the movies harder to do. I was exhausted. After recovery I maintained that tiredness so coming home Friday nights and even on Saturday nights we watched videos. We were side by side and this worked. With our move to SW Virginia our dates changed again. We were learning a new area and around here everything we do is a drive. I love alone time on a drive. We chat, we plan the renovating, our next trip and we share ourselves. I love our rides. Tonight we will go to church for a Valentine dinner put on by the teens. Adults cook the meal, the teens serve the meal in black and white outfits. They play romantic music and we share time in a nice setting. The teens earn money for retreats. Junior and I look forward to this each year. Even shopping at Lowe’s is a date for us. Junior goes off to find what he is looking for. I take a walk around the store for some exercise. When I am done I find Junior and I follow him around until he checks out. We are apart and then together and it works out rather nicely. One of the things I love about this marriage is that we are setting goals regularly. We may be plotting how we want a room to be structured for our needs. When it is finished I seek Junior’s input for decorating. I want our home to reflect both of our personalities. We need to keep a steady stream of conversations going so we both have what we need and want in this home. Through the years I learned that dinner and a movie does not have to be the only way to date. We can date taking a walk, a hike or a weekend away. Each couple has their own idea of romance. I felt for a long time that Junior and I were not a romantic couple. Later I learned what romance is to one couple may not be that romantic to another. Many women like to have their hair combed or stroked. Not me and don’t try to rub on my feet. Romance to me is making time to do something with me. I need attention not a fancy gift or vacation. Junior has learned to touch me not constantly but gently and often. Junior likes it when I affirm him, the work of his hands, the parenting of our fur children. We have learned each other’s love language. It helps us hit that right spot. If you have never read the book “Five Love Languages” I recommend it. Love Janet

February 11 2016

February 11 2016 Greetings My Friend I was at the dentist recently getting my teeth cleaned and I began a conversation about my ataxia with the hygienist. I discovered that she has ataxia too. I was elated to have someone I know personally although minimally that has my disorder. For some reason I did not feel so alone even though the online support groups are very supportive and helpful. She is seeing a neurosurgeon who understands this disorder and was able to enlighten me further. I took the name of the neurosurgeon and will ask my doctor to set up an appointment, this is the way it done out here in SW Virginia. My neurosurgeon said I would not progress, did not tell me I had ataxia and did not educate me on either ataxia or chiari malformation since that is what I went to her for in the first place. I learned more with the online support network. I learned I also have ataxia and I am presenting as ataxia more the CM from my PCP patient sheet I receive and the audiologist I am seeing about my balance issues. When I finally asked my PCP she seemed surprised that I was not educated. I feel like I have been lost in the shuffle of medical mumbo jumbo and that feeling of not being worthy of information was overwhelming. The hygienist and I shared some of the struggles we have with people not understanding our invisible illness. It was at that moment the fog of confusion and the reality of my disorder took shape for me. I have been writing and attempting to educate others but I still felt so alone and different. I am learning the importance of community not only within the church but in day to day life. As a young at home mother I was alone because at that time in history most women went into the workforce. I had a child with multiple problems like delayed speech, anger which later I learned is a problem with people with hearing difficulties, poor eyesight but great physical ability and allergies. In later years I learned about ADHD and he was that and more at times. I needed a community of support. I only received comments that I spoiled him, he was a handful and such. The school was not much help either. He was a child who fell through all the cracks. At one point the school told me they did not want to bother with him until he became a problem. He eventually became a problem and the school blamed the home life and told me we needed to deal with the problems. With my newly diagnosed disorders the online groups have given me information, hugs and acceptance. This acceptance has given me the strength to keep looking and keep asking. God has guided me to these sites, showed me I have a purpose and that I am important. My relationship with God has been the first time I have been surrounded with caring and loving support. He acknowledged my pain with abuse, dysfunction and He has taken me by the hand and walked me out of my intense anger. The anger only clouded my thinking not allowing for an opening for insight. I was angry no one believed my son had issues. I was angry no one believed the things that I was enduring at home. I was a blank wall to my world to be kicked, overlooked and only needed once in awhile. I think community starts with God who points your steps and before long you find a community or many communities to handle life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 9 2016

February 9 2016 Greetings My Friend I see the vision more fully. One section of the wall still needs to be torn down. Junior has started moving partially finished cabinets over to the window. The new gas stove is already over there. The microwave has been moved and the rough look is taking shape. Add to the scene is newly fallen snow covering the trees in the woods and on the ground. It a beautiful scene from our kitchen window. Les calls Junior often and the men talk for long periods. Junior has learned the art of puttering around the kitchen cleaning while talking on the phone so the chaos he generally works in is not so cluttered. I am dealing with things being moved around again so finding where the silverware is or some pans is still confusing. The good thing is the confusion is not as drastic as has been. I am dealing with it better. With the cold weather Junior has had to stop to fix a few frozen pipes and then insulate them. This time around I am not frustrated or annoyed. I get the process. Five years into this process I finally understand. It helps that I see the vision and with 3 rooms, the front porch and the back deck under his belt I am excited to see this new creation take shape fully. We have been married 18 years in a few weeks and I see how we are meshing our individual ways of doing things into our relationship. Junior likes to toss his trash as he drives into the back seat or on the floor in the front seat. I was always searching for a way to keep the trash to a minimum. We have had car trash baskets and they did not work. I even devised a way to hang a cloth bag between the seats to toss trash into which kind of worked but not really. One trip we stopped to get fast food to eat. As we pulled the food out of the bag I opened up the bag and placed it on the front seat floor. We threw our wrappings in the bag and any other paper that needed to be discarded. The next time we stop we take the bag and put it in the trash can. In my subtle way I have organized my man and he likes this idea. Junior has taught me not to be so rigid about my routines. He shows me things still can get accomplished even though we get a bit side tracked. I have learned to work when I can and to start over from time to time. Sometimes the unplanned distraction or starting over has taught me a new way to do a job that is better than the way I have always done it. With another room being worked on and seeing a beginning of an end to it I know an end will come. It may a few years away and I am good with that. The renovating has been helpful to me even if I did not always understand it. I have learned to work differently with my disabilities. If things were done more quickly I don’t think I would not have been able to allow myself to learn new ways to do old things as easily. I started out slowly reentering doing housework again. The more my energy returned I was able to work into doing housework in retirement mode. I no longer needed to hurry through my work which was hard for me to let go of. Slow re-entry to housework has allowed me to see the need to work in a measured way. I found myself relying on God’s guidance which amazes me at how much He understands me so fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 6 2016

February 6 2016 Greetings My Friend Ash Wednesday is coming up soon and my mind is reflecting on Jesus, His gift to all who will receive His gift of salvation. I frequently take a deep look at the cross and the gruesome walk that lead to the cross and the horror of the cross itself. In deep sadness I begin the first steps of Jesus’ betrayal from a trusted and close member of His inner group. Jesus knows who is going to betray Him, He hints at it during the Last Supper. After the meal He goes to the garden and prays asking “Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but Your will.” As I read I see His anxiousness when he gets up and goes to the disciples, fuss’ at them because they are sleeping instead of praying. In His prayer time He sweats drops of blood. Our Lord knew what He was facing and was struggling. Lord Jesus prays His prayer 3 times when Father God sends angels to comfort Him. I believe He was comforted because when the soldiers came He went with them instead of running away. He allows Himself to be ridiculed, scourged ( the whip had various things tied to it) more times than allowed by the Jewish tradition my guess is at least 100 times. After Pontius Pilate tries to have Jesus released the Jewish people shouted to have Him crucified. So Pilate ordered that He be crucified. The soldiers played with Jesus by mocking Him with words and cruel acts. Shoving our Lord around screaming “if You are God save Yourself.” They put a set of royal robes on Him and gave Him a staff after the taunting Jesus was beaten with the staff, mostly on His face. The Bible teaches us that His face was disfigured. Next Jesus was ordered to carry His cross. He started out but due to the loss of blood and the great pain He was too weak to do so. A passerby was pressed into carrying His cross for Him. On the hill nails were pounded into His flesh. When I started this journey the nails are what my mind focused on and I cringed in empathy for Him. One time when reading the details of this last walk of His life I saw all the other horrible pain He went through before those nails. Even on the cross I saw more pain. There He is riding up and down on the cross struggling to pull air into His lungs and I see that already tender and abused back being ripped even more on the wood. The jaunts come again “If You are God save Yourself.” Up on the cross even one of the two thieves is jeering Him. The other senses that Jesus is truly Lord and asks to be in paradise with Jesus. Jesus tells him he will indeed be in paradise that very day with Him. There is that first sign of hope I have. This thief believes with all of his heart and he will be with Jesus. Our Savior eventually dies and I feel the moment of bitterness and pain from the followers. They leave, hide and are so confused. Three days later Jesus is risen. Here I am so joyous myself. The followers are shocked and surprised. After being with Jesus for 40 more days and watching Him ascend into heaven they go out and boldly proclaim the risen Christ. They will die to tell The Good News. This long and painful look strengthens my desire to do as Jesus told the disciples all those years ago, “Go forth making disciples of all nations.” This is my hope and my desire to pass the Good News to all and offer all people the chance of eternity in heaven. May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 4 2016

February 4 2016 Greetings My Friend, As I write today is Sunday. Each week I look forward to going to church with much anticipation. I am thrilled Junior has the same desire to be at church on Sunday alongside of me too. I have a strong need to be with other believers, studying the Word, praying for God to intercede in the lives of those we are in fellowship for and many who are not members of our church but need our prayers too. Most weeks I write a status on Facebook about going to church, sometimes I state “let’s all meet in church today.” The thought of the corporate body of Jesus meeting is exciting to me. We sing with one voice although many different songs but all to praise and glorify God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost. We meet in Sunday school to study and grow in our faith. We meet in prayer and praise. We have learned that “Wherever 2 or 3 are gathered there I will be also.” As services end we leave refreshed, refueled and prepared to enter the week. My desire and I am sure many other’s desire is to “Go forth making disciples of all nations.” Each one of us is called to work for God’s glory. When I think how large the corporate body of Christ is I cannot fathom how a little known woman in SW VA can be used for much of anything. The thing is, I am important, as important as the most eloquent evangelist, the preacher, the music director and even the missionary. I used to think as a member of the church body I might be a teen advisor, help with meals or even volunteer to put data into the computer for a special project but the bigger things, not me, I am a nobody. Wrong! God has taught me over and over again that my little piece is part of the big picture and it is all for His glory. My status update may encourage a borderline believer to give church a try, the try may lead to a true confession of faith. My words in a blog, a Facebook page may help someone see that God takes us where we are at and grows us so they may find the hope they have been searching for. Reaching out to my neighbors with encouragement, a helping hand or a friendly face has an impact that I may never even know about. I have grown to see that a nobody in particular woman is very special in God’s work. The more I accept this fact the more I desire to listen to God, to believe God and then to go out and work. I love an old hymn from my youth. I think this song has been calling me to God’s work field for a lifetime. It goes like this “Come labor on, who dares stand idle on the harvest plain. While all around him waves the golden grain. And to each servant does the master say, Go work today.” I see I am called to work, that the work will sometimes be difficult but I will find a reward for the work. For me the reward is now and later in eternity. I have felt the challenge and it feels good. I work with God’s guiding hand on me and marvel again that I a nobody did way more than I ever dreamed. Sometimes I will be rejected and God will heal my hurt, pat me on the back and send me out again. I sense at the end of my life I will know a fullness to my life of dedication. I like that I am not sitting waiting for the end to come but I am entering my life in fullness and joy. Eternity means I will spend it with God worshiping and praising and being thankful and I can not imagine it but I know it will be worth the effort of my life. I hope to meet y’all at church soon. Love Janet

February 2 2016

February 2 2016 Greetings My Friend When I sign on to Facebook today I see that I have a request to like someone’s page they set up. This page is a page for people to pray over requests the group will receive. It seems like along with other ministries God has given me praying as one also. From the first moments of my faith walk I have felt a need to pray. My first prayers were filled with each name I could possibly remember because I did not want anyone to not be prayed for. My main concern was salvation, it still is. Along the way I worried about some people right now. The first days turned into years and I would find people wanting me to pray for them. I tried to remember each request but to be honest I forgot. Making a journal was difficult since I would not always have my little note pad with me. My heart broke when I remembered I had forgotten. I started saying a quick popcorn prayer as I was being asked or as I walked away. I felt at least I prayed and I felt better about this. Retirement came and I felt lead to be online with social media. I found this area to be ripe with opportunities to pray. More often than not I see status’ explaining what was going on in people’s lives. I start praying when I see a need even if no one asked for prayer. I still do this today. After my fall and finding out I have Chiari I joined some help groups. My prayer life added these people. I felt a special bond with these people and the intensity of my prayer life grew. I was surprised about the intense physical pain my new found friends had. I find the same thing with the Ataxia people to, some have immense pain. These sites are teaching me things about my disorders, about invisible illness and how these people deal with others that don’t believe their struggle. Along with the pain and a deteriorating body and how others think they are making up all their problems I feel an immense sadness. I learned that people with invisible illness’ look “normal” enough so people disregard their struggles and choose to stay away. These sites help me to understand what is going on with my body and explain other things like my extreme tiredness. For some reason I also have bouts of insomnia too. At first each time I went through an energetic spell I thought I was going to walk from the deep exhaustion. Slowly I learn that energy days come and if I push myself I will crash and need to sleep and some days I could hardly move off the couch. Later I discovered I was not going to stay exhausted where I can’t move for more than a few days before I am up and moving slowly again. Today I know to roll with it and in short order I will be up and around again. My prayer life is teaching me that God is guiding me. I learned when to start using a cane later a walking stick. I learned to slow down so I would not fall as much. God led me to a doctor who “hears” me. I feel like I am her partner and together we figure out the next steps. When I received this latest group to pray for others I knew that I knew that I am part of God’s family. Prayer sustains me today. As I woke up from a nightmare I found I was talking to God. I feel like I truly in the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet