December 15 2015

December 18 2015 Greetings My Friend I am moving through my morning as I write. I have had that 1st cup of coffee, checked out Facebook, emails and spent time in the Word. Part of my study time is I journal my studying. Each day I write out five titles, “What is on my mind today, What can I talk to God about today, Scripture- What does God say, What does the Holy Spirit say and lastly How can I serve others today. This last entry has occupied my thoughts in recent days. When I began this journey I felt I needed to do something like serve my husband, help the homeless or such. My thoughts started to move in another direction as I had days of recovering from illness’ such as bronchitis, chronic fatigue. I was learning that part of serving meant that I needed to take care of my health because if I was worn out or sick I could not be as productive. For the past several years I have been on a journey of self discovery. For instance I learned to get help for emotional struggles. I was learning to talk to God about my emotional pain and the more I prayed the more I was learning to get counseling, ask for medication and find emotional support not only from God but find a few close friends to guide me. I had much the same revelation with my physical health concerns. I found a doctor who understood my searching and she led me to medications, procedures and tests. I also found online support groups and natural healing methods like supplements, essential oils and eating less processed food. One step at a time I was gaining energy, not getting as sick as often and an ability to reach out to others. I am an all or nothing kind of person so once I felt able to reach out again I wanted to have set times to volunteer, to take a friend around only to find myself exhausted and unable to function. Ever so slowly it was coming to me that part of serving others was taking time to take care of myself. I find I can only move about life so much any more. I now understand more fully why my energy level never reached the level I knew 10 years ago or more. God wants me to “be still, to quiet myself” so I can serve Him in new ways. He wants me to write about my faith journey, to be available as I can to my husband as he renovates with meals, a clean home and a friend to bounce things off of. The more I have learned to balance these things the more I see God is not wanting me serve Him frantically in an effort to please Him. He has taught me that He is also my rest and my all in all. Along the way I am learning to talk to God about what work He wants me to do each day. Sometimes He wants me to be silly at the store so someone sees the comfortable relationship I have with my husband. Another time a friend needs a ride, some help so God points me/us in this direction. There are days when I am reading the Bible I feel like a lesson is jumping out at me. The lesson may be on the passages I am reading or even on something like the heading on my daily journaling. The more I am learn to slow down and listen the more I see all that I am truly doing. That frantic search to “prove” myself is leaving. I like that. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 12 2015

December 15 2015 Greetings My Friend Sleep? What is that? I had fallen into a comfortable sleep pattern now that I am on the new medication for my tremors. A good portion of the summer I struggled to stay awake and I slept at night and took long afternoon naps. I noticed after being on this new medication I was having some more energy, my shaking hand is settling down and my naps are shorter. I got a cold which was draining me and sleeping around the clock was once more overtaking me. My cold has gone away and once more I was gaining more energy sleeping well at night and my afternoon naps are shorter. With more time awake and more energy I find myself arranging and rearranging the house again. Since we are still renovating I am still working out how I want to organize our home so new ideas come to me. With Junior working in the kitchen and moving things around some I am plotting with him on where to place cabinets, the stove and even the kitchen sink. My craft area in the TV room is not right. I have too many boxes and clutter that seem to keep getting out of control. A space opened up in the dining room so while I was awake in the middle of the night I hauled my boxes and craft table to the dining room. With the TV room in better order today I am planning on organizing the spot in the dining room for my crafts. I have moved through my morning routine of being on the internet, eating breakfast and doing my Bible study. I was sure I was going to be sleepy after all that and planned on going back to bed. I am not tired yet so after I write this blog I am planning on tackling the craft area project. Daisy has a Vet appointment this afternoon and I am fretting I will be wiped out. Junior does most of the driving so if I need a nap I can take one in the car as we travel to the Vet and back. While we are at that end of town we have a few things we need to do and again if I need to I can take a nap. So why am I fretting? I guess that is what I do, fret. After I let go of this fretting I think that getting the craft area organized means it will be easier for me to sit down and craft easier. I can leave things on the table to dry or to pick up and start doing the next time I have a few minutes. Right now I pull out my supplies and work in a crowded space and then put them away again so there will be room to move around the TV room. The getting out and putting back gets old rather quickly. If we have company my craft area can be picked up easily otherwise leaving things out to work on won’t be overly cluttered. I have noticed that the kitchen area is in a constant state of moving, chaos and reorganizing. My cooking meals is difficult and we are not eating as well instead we are getting stuff from the deli at the grocery store. I struggle to plan and implement meals due to trying to figure out where things are now. The good part of all of this though is my mind keeps striving to find order and in the process Junior and I have plotted on where we want to place things. By him moving the kitchen island/table a few inches I saw how we could place it along the long windows looking into the yard. Next I figured out where the refrigerator can go and finally the stove. Once the kitchen is in place we will have the master bedroom/bathroom to build and then I see things settling down and not changing so much. I continue to fall in love with this house as I have never fallen in love with a home before so the upheaval has been worth it to me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 10 2015

December 10 2015 Greetings My Friend Back in my community college days I met a lady who gave credit to God for helping her quit smoking overnight. She prayed and from then on she never smoked again. She had a raspy voice like she had smoked heavily for years. It was a little pinprick in my journey to faith. I remember my mother in law often. She believed with all her heart, I sensed her belief. Later I looked back on a few things and realized she was teaching me as the Bible teaches older women to teach the younger women. By the time I got to Single Point and Divorce Recovery I was open to people giving their testimony. In each instance I heard of a personal struggle, a deep seated struggle to walk away from and a turning the struggle over to God. The person was able to be free of the stronghold that had overtaken them. Some found their way through the struggle a step at a time and on occasion some were healed from the struggle right away. At some point I saw Dad’s testimony and it became real to me. Dad overcame polio and he learned to walk again when the doctors had given up hope both times. I kept learning from Dad’s struggle and healing too. For a time I thought God only did complete healings but Dad’s healing was not total. Dad had muscles that died making it hard for him to walk. Climbing the stairs was possible but difficult. Dad would bend in half, hold the railing and slowly make his way up the stairs. Mom went to work to support our family when women stayed home. Dad took on the role of housewife by cooking and getting us kids to our activities. Both of my parents faced a mountain of obstacles. They grew through each struggle, they fell down a lot too. The older I get the more I understand the great difficulty they encountered trying to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I understand a lot of their anger and neglect and at the same time it has left its scars on me. Our church provided for us when we were in a deep need. We had food, clothes, a back brace for Dad and support. These moments also showed me how God provides. I had a huge fear of being out on the streets. One struggle at a time God has shown me I have always had food to eat, a warm home to live in and clothes to wear. When money was tight I ate each day, maybe not 3 meals and snacks but I had food daily. I marvel each meal time how food was always provided and I thank God as I marvel. Part of God’s provision has been I needed to work to feed myself and my family. I needed to work to put a roof over our heads. Sometimes I see God’s provision as a willingness to do my part and then God will make sure I have what I need. I have learned that we need to be willing to meet God and then to do what we are instructed to do. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 8 2015

December 8 2015 Greetings My Friend My goal during the Christmas season is to remember Jesus’ birth, life, death and resurrection. I have never been able to do advent but during the month I attempt to focus on Jesus in some way each day….frankly it my day to day goal too. I find comfort in reading the familiar passages of Jesus’ birth. Through the years I found myself relating to Mary and Joseph. Mary was a teenage mother. This was a huge mark on her for her entire life. Joseph was not so sure about Mary’s integrity and silently decided he would quietly divorce her. Both Mary and Joseph listened to the angel’s news about God’s only Son being born within Mary’s womb. Joseph married Mary. Mary seemed scared but rejoiced at being God’s Son’s mother. They both went against the norm to do the work God called them to. Life was hard for them. Joseph was not rich, King Herod ordered all babies to be killed which means God warned the parents to move into Egypt. Each time I begin to dig deeper into the very familiar story I discover God in more profound ways. Mary and Joseph were not influential people. They were poor and not educated. God chose them to do a major work. They both were willing to do as God commanded them and was willing to go against the societies accepted ways. Each turn of the road God provided for their lives and safety. The three Wise Men visited the family bringing with them very expensive gifts. These gifts provided for the family when they lived to Egypt. We learn of three gifts that were given not a ton of gifts. They were given what they needed to sustain their lives. As I look further I don’t see that Mary, Joseph and Jesus had a cake type of life. In reality it was hard. They believed God and God provided their needs not their wants. God could have chosen rich people for Jesus to be born into, He did not. God could have made Mary and Joseph rich, He did not. Mary, Joseph and Jesus had to depend on God each step of their journey. God did not take the cross away from Jesus either. Still all three of them relied on God and did as they were instructed to do. As Jesus hung on the cross He instructed John to care for His mother and for Mary to care for John. Both did as they were instructed. I see again that God does not call the qualified but qualifies the called. He does this in my life as well. I had hard times, still walk through moments of great struggle. I have learned great joy even in moments of huge difficulties. I learn to seek God and each time I come back to God I find my way through the maze of struggles. I have a strength I never knew I had. It is not my own strength but God’s strength that sees me through life. In the quiet moments I am thankful and grateful for life’s challenges. Around the corner another new struggle may appear, slowly and steadily I learn to take it to God in prayer. His Word often opens up ways to cope with each situation. I don’t feel alone but I feel important to God which gives me courage and strength to do the uncomfortable. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 5 2015

December 5 2015 Greetings My Friend Most of the movies I have seen regarding abuse it seems that the abused person is supported and loved by those that are family and close friends. I played this image in my mind over and over. I waited to be saved and directed only to find no one walking beside me directing me showing me how to walk away. My next for sure image was my kids would grow up to back me up and support me. Divorce Recovery taught me that the children more often than not blamed the parent who was being abused, they were angry for living in the chaos. In my mind I felt that after a few short years the light bulb would go off and I would get the sense of family I longed for. As I started to see that I was on this journey all by myself I wanted to be bitter and angry. I cried to God telling Him how unfair it was. I gave God all of my pain and then one day I found that I had God and it was enough. It took me a few years to let go of the Hallmark family moments even today when I see these commercials I have a deep pang run through my being. I don’t hold that feeling for more than a few seconds now. I kept hearing God say “Am I enough?” Slowly I started saying “yes” and then one day God had consumed all of me. It was awesome. Like the Hallmark commercials I grew to have a pang of despair for a few seconds before I moved onto all the blessing I did have and not being all about a huge family of gatherings soon did not matter like it once did. This year for Thanksgiving we needed to make a trip to Michigan to attend to some issues for our house we are renting out. We wound up in Michigan for Thanksgiving and we stayed with my niece and her family. We tagged along for Thanksgiving dinner to her husband’s family gathering and we were welcomed with love and acceptance. My son has been able to visit, to call me and tonight Junior and I are going by to hangout with our grandson while his sister is at a travel league practice a good distance from where they live. My son asked us if we would hang out with Andrew and we are thrilled to have this opportunity. Later after he has had a bit of time to unwind and visit his friends we will stop by my niece’s house and introduce Andrew to Jake. I am about as excited as I can get. Junior and I have hung out with Jake quite a bit this week and enjoyed him very much. For the first time in years I feel part of my family and it is awesome. In one of my writing classes I learned about “a slice of life.” This phrase comes back to me again and that is what I sense the week has been a beautiful slice of life. The memories will be memories that will come back to me through the years and I will remember the easy joy I had. I will remember that moment of acceptance of me in my own personhood and then the joy of sharing my love and wisdom. The thing I have longed for is now here and I am thankful for each gruelling step along the way. During the time in the “wilderness” I have let God take my pain away and now I can just enjoy these family moments with a joy deep inside of me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 3 2015

December 3 2015 Greetings My Friend For me I find that looking at the manger means I need to remember the cross as well. In my mind’s eye I see the baby Jesus in His manger all wrapped up tight and in the background I also see the cross imposed into the scene. It is awesome to think about Jesus leaving heaven, entering our world the way we enter the world as a baby. He was conceived by the Holy Ghost and born of the Virgin Mary. We are conceived by our fathers and born of our mother’s in like manner. That tiny bundle is so sweet, innocent and there is a need to nurture the child, just as we do with our own children. Right away I see that our Lord experienced life just as we experience life from the very beginning. I marvel as I carry this picture in my mind’s eye forward. Jesus learned to walk, to talk, to feed Himself just as we do. At the cross I see our Lord knows pain as deeply as we know pain. One of His closest followers betrayed Him. He was ridiculed with words like “If you are God then save Yourself.” He had a whip taken to His body. The whip had objects of stone and bone tied to it which meant huge chunks of flesh were ripped from His body. A crown of thorns was shoved forcefully onto His head, a robe was placed on His tender back as He once more was ridiculed about saving himself. A staff was shoved into His hand and the soldiers found great fun in shoving Jesus, taunting Jesus and then taking the staff He was given they beat Jesus. I discern that a good portion of the beatings were on His face, His was disfigured which means to me that He was beaten so bad that His eyes and face were swollen beyond recognition. All of this takes place before the nails were pounded into His flesh and he hung on the cross. On the cross breathing was difficult at best. Our Lord had to ride up and down to get air into His lungs and I see Him in my thoughts that tender back being ripped up even more. Jesus dies on the cross. The disciples are scared and confused. They don’t know what to make of Jesus actually dying. They huddle together in confusion when on the third day Jesus rises from the dead. He appears to the women, to the disciples and many other believers. Thomas doubts until he sees Jesus and touches the holes in His flesh. Upon seeing and touching Jesus Thomas believes. As a believer in Jesus He is the hope I have, the desire to grow into His likeness as much as possible. I can’t do it alone but the Holy Spirit begins to teach me. My life is changing and growing and the world’s values leave me little by little. I learn new hope a real hope and that hope strengthens me. I for the first time in my life see the value of my life. Jesus is my hope. His resurrection is what gives me hope and a belief so strong that He is the Savior of the world. For me I have to celebrate Christmas and Easter together to understand this precious gift of eternal life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 1 2015

December 1 2015 Greetings My Friend I am now dealing with insomnia. Part of me thinks it may be the new medication for my tremors. II sleep but it is a disrupted type of sleep. Instead of sleeping 7 or 8 hours each night I sleep 4 or 5 hours and nap throughout the day. So far my energy level is okay and I have decided to run with it for now anyway. I am able to get most of the things I want done, done. Junior sleeps like this. Seeing him deal with this helps me to not get upset. Dad also slept like this too. At the end of the day Junior gets enough sleep to accomplish quite a bit. At first this method of approaching his day confused me greatly. Again as I start having my problems I am able to understand more fully and to work with it. This insomnia is different than when I was first retired. At that point I never felt rested so functioning was a major struggle. I think now that I have finally had a chance to get fully rested this unsettled type of sleep allows me to get rested even if I am sleeping in shifts during the day. All of this may change down the road but for now I am able to function. If I can’t get that sense of being rested then I will have to talk to my doctor but for now I am going with it. I am grateful that the shaking has settled down and I have regained a sense of balance to where I can get around fairly well. If the medication is keeping me awake I don’t mind. In a little bit we will leave for Michigan. We are making a trip back to Michigan to do some work on our house that we rent out. Our nephew helped us with painting and cleaning the carpet and in the meantime we received a couple of notices of other things that we need to deal with. Junior built a shed and it has to be torn down. The previous renters left a big stack of wood that has to be cleared out. We have decided to go bring all the wood back with us to burn in our wood burning stove. Our nephew does not have a truck and we do so off to Michigan we go. Yesterday we packed, picked up medications and got the house in order so we can leave soon after Junior gets up. We have been in Virginia 6 years now and we have finally settled into a routine of getting things together so we can leave. We know how long it takes to get to Michigan and we are comfortable with the drive which helps also. We both have a suitcase fairly much ready to go for these trips also. At first I attempted to pack both summer and winter clothes all in one suitcase. I have since decided to pack clothes for each season we travel and then swap them as we need. At this time of the year I know I won’t need shorts or a short sleeved shirt so I don’t bother to stick them in the suitcase. Other times I pack at least one outfit for the opposite season when we are in a transition time of year. I used to pack each time we traveled and found this to take less time overall. Junior got the truck cleaned out for our traveling yesterday, we picked up medications and now all we have to do is wake up, eat and take off. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet