April 15, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Tax day is today. Twenty one years ago today Dad died. I can’t believe he has been gone that long…..strange. I miss him and yet I don’t. I love him and frankly I am indifferent as well. It is strange. I am more like my Dad than my Mom but…..Dad was hard on us. Dad was a kid raising his kids. He left home at age 14 and never returned home again. In many ways Dad was a kid as he raised us. I understand this at my age. As a child and young adult I did not. I did not like being pounded on and I hated it. It took me years to look beyond Dad’s ways to see the stuff he grew up with and then I’m amazed at how well he did. Add polio to the mix and yet again I am amazed. Dad survived polio when the Doctor’s thought he would not. Dad taught himself to walk again without aids. The Doctor’s also told him he would never walk again. That in itself is amazing. I remember Dad’s gait often. He used his back muscles to walk. He looked like a drunk really but it was the way he could walk and he did. In many ways I feel the same way about Mom. Mom often ignored things so she did not have to deal with them. She let a neighbor take us in the car and expose himself to us and put us back in the car after we told her he was doing that. Mom often read a book instead of dealing with Dad dragging us around the house beating on us. Mom didn’t know what to do so she pretended she didn’t see things. It was how Mom coped I get that now. In general though my parents amaze me, Dad had polio. His parents walked out on us. Mom and Dad got back to MI after he was well enough to travel. Grandma C took care of us giving us a home, some meager income and food. Grandma’s work in a hospital cafeteria often sent home food so our family could eat. If it wasn’t for them, we would have ate many less meals. We could not get aid because we did not live in the state long enough. So we struggled. One day the minister that married my parents heard we were back and he came by. He gave us food, clothes, a back brace for Dad and later on helped Mom get a house loan when women did not get those loans. That church was our life line for years and as we got on our feet our goal was to give back. I did that as an adult as well. I brought my children up in that church. I did not how to enter into a personal relationship. For some reason I never got the message. After my divorce I did learn how to relate to God on a more personal note. I am still walking with God in that way. I would have ended up in a Looney bin without my personal walk with God. I was able to meet and marry Junior who is so good for me. I asked God to help me to choose my next mate and He did. As I look back at my parents’ lives I again am amazed. I guess Mom went to church as a girl. Grandma insisted she go but would not go with her. When she met Dad she said it was a must. Dad agreed and went as well. I believe in my heart that on some level my parents walked with the Lord even though they did many things wrong. That sustains me. At church everyone was in awe of what my parents endured. They acted like my parents were awesome people and did not see the abuse. I struggled with that. Later on after my divorce I began attending another church and I learned how to walk in close relationship with Jesus my Savior. I love it to this day. I asked God to let me marry again and this time I wanted my husband to take his faith seriously. Junior does. Rough men are what I know and Junior in his own way is rough. Junior is the first man that has also shown me how tender they can be. It is a marvel to me. My first inkling that not all men were cruel just to be cruel was my son. He could be tender but he also could be rough. The first thing I felt after my divorce was for my children. At that point I realized how awful our home life was for them. I cried and cried. Then my minister at the time told me that I could not do a “re-do” so I needed to get myself functional and that my children would follow. That has been my goal and frankly there are days I wonder if they will overcome the abuse. My son and his wife are good friends. They are very active raising their children. They do things I had wanted to do but did not know how. My grandchildren are into travel league sports. I barely could convince their Father to help me get them to their events. My heart tells me that he has in some ways moved passed the dysfunction of his growing up years. In many ways I moved passed the dysfunction of my growing up years and even further I see now that Dad moved passed his dysfunction. It has taken a good three generations but abuse does not appear to be part of the family line any longer. To me each generation had to learn lessons and then the next was able to move passed that. I am not sure what type of environment Grandpa lived in. I know very little about him. I know a bit more about Grandma and my heart often goes out to her even though I did not know her. She was the youngest of 11 children. Her Dad died leaving Mom with no money or income. Mom then started renting out bedrooms to support her. Grandma took up valuable real-estate. So she was often shipped off to one of her siblings’ homes. Grandpa came along when she was 14 and he married her. To her he was her ticket out the door into her own life. I relate to that feeling often because I married my first husband for about the same reason. He was my ticked out of the craziness of home. Some days I am so sad that my children and I don’t relate better than we do. That said…..I am so happy that there is not any abuse from what I can tell. I live with the effects of dysfunction. If it has left the family line….I am ok with it. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

April 13, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Should I or shouldn’t I? That is what I am pondering. I am writing a blog 2 days a week and slowly as life settles I sense that writing 3 days a week would be nice. Writing a book isn’t there as of yet….but the blog sounds good to me. I get my writing need met and I have something to work at besides housework. It appeals to me. I am once more exercising. I go in and out of that. I don’t want to walk in the cold and possible ice outside. We have the ellipse and I have another machine that I lost the instructions on how to use it. I will see if I can get more instructions. This getting older thing can be annoying at times. My brain does not function in an organized manner like it once did. I lose track of my appointments, I forget things and the like. It is irritating. I have tried the talking to myself routine to get back in shape and nope it does not work either. I’ve decided that I’m older and this is what I deal with. It is what it is. I am on day number 3 of not leaving the house. It feels real good at this point. I stay in my pj’s until I have a reason to get dressed and be out in public. At one point I did not handle not getting dressed daily well but these days I am good with pajama days. It works. I love it when Junior is at his computer playing solitaire and I am at mine doing my routine programs. Sometimes we chat and sometimes we don’t. I see him and find comfort as well. It is what we do. I love it. Gone for me are days of constant arguing and bickering. I love that as well. I love our boring life. As we near summer I am excited that finally we may start getting the porches and yard more in shape. I don’t know how to keep all the clutter the dogs find to chew on up though. I will learn I am sure. The new porch is made which means I can sit outside with no furry friends and even open the door and let the cats out there with me. We will see. I love looking out at the woods on our property. I love the openness of our property. I continue to find a peace to country living. It amazes me that this city girl has turned country. I don’t need to be involved in a bunch of volunteer projects. I don’t have the energy and being home is a comfort to me these days. Our drives continue to astound me. The mountains year round are beautiful. I have not liked winter time for most of my life. I have hated the dying off of the leaves and the bare branches for most of my life. Out here in the country though I find a beauty in the bare woods during the winter and I don’t mind winter like I used to. The temps out here are bearable as well. I can deal with an average winter temp in the 40’s. It can get cold like in MI but it doesn’t stay as long and it doesn’t get that cold as often. I am good with that. The summers aren’t generally real hot. For some reason I don’t handle either extreme in weather so well. I’ve had frostbite and heat exhaustion and frankly both extremes tend to be rough on me anymore. Once more I marvel that God brought us to this area. Junior and I are at opposite ends with our weather preferences. I prefer it to be warmer than cold anything. He is the opposite. Here in VA we have found a place that seems to speak to us both. It continues to amaze me that God led us to the right place. This past winter I found myself not as down as I usually get in the winter. As fall came part of me knew that it would be ok. What a comfort! We are on a small country lane and my walks continue to astound me. The dogs tagging along on my walks continue to make me smile. The ellipse inside helps me to walk when the weather is bad out helps me as well. I even like that we tend to lump our various errands to one day during the week and we both generally go. It is a chance to shop and then on the weekends we often will go to a movie. I love it. The days of constant drama are gone from my life and now I live day to day boring and to be honest I love it. At times I believe God has allowed my body to slow down so that I would write. God wants me to write that is what I sense and so I write my blog maybe a book again. Time will tell. Growing up in the 60’s all my friends were Christian. We talked about our faith and it was natural. I can see though that a faith walk with the Lord is leaving our country. That is why I write my blog. For a long time I believed if you said the sinners prayer that life right away began to be easier and sweeter. Being on a faith journey does not mean that life becomes an instant cake walk. At times it is even harder. For me I don’t feel alone anymore. Knowing God is always near brings me comfort and trusting in God brings about some amazing moments. We moved to VA. We felt led to move. Some believe we made that up but I believe God directed us to move. Since arriving in VA we have been content beyond belief. We love our home, our life out here. The slower pace helps me as well. I don’t have all the distractions of doing that I had in city living. My body won’t do what it once did and so learning to slow down out here works wonders for me. I am not distracted and trying to do all that is available in the city living. Yup I am still happy living here in the country. God knew what we needed and pointed us to the place we needed to be. How amazing is that! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you Love Janet

April 9, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Junior and J have insulated the front porch that Junior enclosed when we moved in so we could store stuff till we found a home and then decided to make it part of inside. Part of it will be our master bedroom down the road with a bathroom and the other part will open up our TV room more so. We will then also have a view to the road at the front of our house. Right now all we see is the side of the driveway where we come in and a neighbor’s house a ¼ of a mile away. I like the idea of seeing more of what is going on outside. As Junior has had J here the last week they have finished working on the new porch area and the insulation for the enclosed porch and even hung some sheet rock in the dining room. Two years into this process I still wish Junior would work on one room at a time, finish it and move on. To my amazement all of a sudden a room will be done and I will love it. I have learned to accept this quirk in his nature. I don’t like it but I accept it. My dream at present is maybe I’ll become a cook again like I have been in the past. Hard to say if that is true or not but it is my dream. I bought the bread maker last fall at a resale store but have yet made the bread. I still think it may happen. My marriage prayer continues and frankly I think the more I desire a good marriage and pray for one God has given me the desire of my heart. Throughout the moving and renovating process I have kept a steady prayer life for our marriage. We continue to seem to draw closer and closer. I love it. I have found that Junior’s quirky ways at one time in my life would have annoyed me to no end. I more than likely would have found myself telling my mate off and being angry. Not these days. I believe my patience is nothing to do with me but more with God’s direction in my life. When I compliment Junior and see his face light up I find I am grateful for keeping my mouth shut. As he finishes things and I totally adore his work he seems to light up. It is worth learning how to keep my thoughts to myself. I have sat more these past few years than I have ever sat in my life. Part of me thinks God has allowed my body to slow down and sit for a couple of reasons. One is I am in Bible study more, prayer more and the other is I accept Junior’s to me strange way of working with grace. These days I don’t have to be gone all the time. Part of my running throughout my life has been I’ve been ADHD and the other part is I found if I was not at home all the time then I would not enter into another fight. These days I have learned to stay home days on end, not even getting dressed and to tell you the truth I love it. When we were first married we took country dancing classes, took a computer class and we were involved with our church and we both loved the running. As we have gotten older and retired we find we don’t need to run anymore. We aren’t even traveling like we did the first few years we were married. We are content with each other’s company and frankly that feels nice. I spend time writing and Junior spends time working on our home. I hope when the major renovating is done he will build himself a workshop in one of the sheds to do his crafts in. I can envision him going outside for several hours a day to work. I can even see me calling him in for lunch. I love the idea that we work and come together throughout the day and then in the evening we watch TV, go to a movie or whatever. We both worked for the first years of our marriage and the work now is different but we are working. It feels good. When Junior brings in the mail and goes through it, he often will do it in the chair next to me in the TV area. We have a discussion about whatever and I find I enjoy this time greatly. His being busy means I can do things I like without being concerned about his needs. I can also share in what I have done when we are together. One of my favorite lines is “Come here and see” when Junior wants me to check out his progress. Due to Junior’s back being so bad I also know he will come take a nap in the afternoon. Again I have quiet time to do my thing. I am sure I will again do cross stitch, make dishcloths and bake. I do like baking sweet breads and the like. I also find so far anyway going to the church on Fridays to be a lot of fun. I am with other women. The same for my monthly Bible study. I go have women time and enjoy it a whole bunch. As I re-read the above paragraphs I again realize I am finally into retirement routines. The first several years were hard but now there is a rhythm to life and it feels real nice. I want to work at a job and find that this old body aint what it used to be. I find I am no longer upset about it but have learned how to cope with the body I now have and frankly I still feel life is full and rewarding. Even my sleep has settled down into a routine. I wanted to be up about 7 or so. Nope because I can’t get to sleep most nights till midnight I’m up later and I’m even accepting that. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

April 9, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Junior and J have insulated the front porch that Junior enclosed when we moved in so we could store stuff till we found a home and then decided to make it part of inside. Part of it will be our master bedroom down the road with a bathroom and the other part will open up our TV room more so. We will then also have a view to the road at the front of our house. Right now all we see is the side of the driveway where we come in and a neighbor’s house a ¼ of a mile away. I like the idea of seeing more of what is going on outside. As Junior has had J here the last week they have finished working on the new porch area and the insulation for the enclosed porch and even hung some sheet rock in the dining room. Two years into this process I still wish Junior would work on one room at a time, finish it and move on. To my amazement all of a sudden a room will be done and I will love it. I have learned to accept this quirk in his nature. I don’t like it but I accept it. My dream at present is maybe I’ll become a cook again like I have been in the past. Hard to say if that is true or not but it is my dream. I bought the bread maker last fall at a resale store but have yet made the bread. I still think it may happen. My marriage prayer continues and frankly I think the more I desire a good marriage and pray for one God has given me the desire of my heart. Throughout the moving and renovating process I have kept a steady prayer life for our marriage. We continue to seem to draw closer and closer. I love it. I have found that Junior’s quirky ways at one time in my life would have annoyed me to no end. I more than likely would have found myself telling my mate off and being angry. Not these days. I believe my patience is nothing to do with me but more with God’s direction in my life. When I compliment Junior and see his face light up I find I am grateful for keeping my mouth shut. As he finishes things and I totally adore his work he seems to light up. It is worth learning how to keep my thoughts to myself. I have sat more these past few years than I have ever sat in my life. Part of me thinks God has allowed my body to slow down and sit for a couple of reasons. One is I am in Bible study more, prayer more and the other is I accept Junior’s to me strange way of working with grace. These days I don’t have to be gone all the time. Part of my running throughout my life has been I’ve been ADHD and the other part is I found if I was not at home all the time then I would not enter into another fight. These days I have learned to stay home days on end, not even getting dressed and to tell you the truth I love it. When we were first married we took country dancing classes, took a computer class and we were involved with our church and we both loved the running. As we have gotten older and retired we find we don’t need to run anymore. We aren’t even traveling like we did the first few years we were married. We are content with each other’s company and frankly that feels nice. I spend time writing and Junior spends time working on our home. I hope when the major renovating is done he will build himself a workshop in one of the sheds to do his crafts in. I can envision him going outside for several hours a day to work. I can even see me calling him in for lunch. I love the idea that we work and come together throughout the day and then in the evening we watch TV, go to a movie or whatever. We both worked for the first years of our marriage and the work now is different but we are working. It feels good. When Junior brings in the mail and goes through it, he often will do it in the chair next to me in the TV area. We have a discussion about whatever and I find I enjoy this time greatly. His being busy means I can do things I like without being concerned about his needs. I can also share in what I have done when we are together. One of my favorite lines is “Come here and see” when Junior wants me to check out his progress. Due to Junior’s back being so bad I also know he will come take a nap in the afternoon. Again I have quiet time to do my thing. I am sure I will again do cross stitch, make dishcloths and bake. I do like baking sweet breads and the like. I also find so far anyway going to the church on Fridays to be a lot of fun. I am with other women. The same for my monthly Bible study. I go have women time and enjoy it a whole bunch. As I re-read the above paragraphs I again realize I am finally into retirement routines. The first several years were hard but now there is a rhythm to life and it feels real nice. I want to work at a job and find that this old body aint what it used to be. I find I am no longer upset about it but have learned how to cope with the body I now have and frankly I still feel life is full and rewarding. Even my sleep has settled down into a routine. I wanted to be up about 7 or so. Nope because I can’t get to sleep most nights till midnight I’m up later and I’m even accepting that. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

April 6, 2023 Greetings My Friend, I hate when those nights crop up. The nights where I wake up from a sound sleep and I am arguing. Last night the argument was about Junior. The other talker was reminding me of Junior’s past. In Junior’s previous life he was a real not nice guy. He had little concern for another human life and he did to the people as he chose. The talker also reminded me of times where Junior was in another room and we had a young person over and I was in bed and I kept being asked what was taking him so long. Fear tries to grip me real hard. Through the years when this argument starts I remind the talker that God told me to marry Junior and God would not give me someone I could not deal with. I say it a few times and then I pray quickly “Lord I need some help please” At that point I begin to see all of Junior’s tender moments with me and his gentle way and soon that argument inside my head is focused on Junior and his sweetness to me. Some nights I wake up arguing with my ex. I hate those nights as well. I wake up and he is doing something mean to me again or he is laughing because I am hurt and he thinks the whole thing is funny. Again I ask God to take these thoughts away from me. God does and soon I am back to sleeping. I remember me waking up on the ground last year. I kept passing out, standing up only to fall because I passed out again. I was heading toward a cliff with a river beneath it. For me I don’t remember any of it other than waking up lying on the ground. For Junior and my friend they saw me stand up only to fall again and begin rolling down the hill headed toward the cliff. When I opened my eyes I saw Junior. Some part of me knows he had his brave face on for my sake. He had his in control voice going. I had no idea of what I had been through because I had passed out. What Junior and my friend saw was frightening at best. Then there was the time I said I’ve had enough stomach distress take me to the hospital. I had been struggling for a few months and finally I could take it no longer. I needed my appendix taken out. There was Junior at my side. He held my hand and talked real brave for my sake. My stories of how Junior has held me, supported me go on and on. He was there as I woke up with nightmares. He was there when life hurt. He was there when life was fun. Junior keeps telling me I am important to him. He is the first person I felt safe and close with. When I wake up with a nightmare like the one I was having I am puzzled. I take the situation to God as soon as I am able to. God starts showing me picture after picture in my mind’s eye of all the times Junior was at my side loving me so tenderly. God reminds me of my prayer I prayed as I went to marry Junior. We only knew each other a few months. We connected right away and our relationship grew fast. I was happy but not so sure so I asked God if I should go and marry Junior. God relaxed my whole being and I felt God say “go”. I went and have not looked back. I am content with this man even though he has his flaws. I have my flaws and frankly our flaws seem to work well together. I wake up and hear Junior working. I do my day and he does his day and we connect throughout the day and frankly I love the feeling. We can spend a whole day running in the car and frankly I even love those moments. We have gone on many trips and he is fun. He wants to do what I want to do and we never fight about what to do. We can sit and do nothing and I find Junior a comfort. We can do things and I find Junior a comfort. So why does this voice in my head try to derail my joy? Through the years I have learned when fear has tried to grip me and hold me hostage I have learned to begin talking to God right away. I am always amazed when I ask God to help me through the struggle that in short order I am moving out of my fear. God is amazing to me each time. I love that God takes away my fear and soon I am moving through the day with peace in my heart. I have heard from people that I am carrying too much fear in my life today. I need to let it go since the things I feared happened 16 years ago. I want to tell them it is none of their business and I will take as long as I need to get away from the fear. Why this person feels a need to give me a time frame in order to be over my struggles boggles my mind. Frankly it is none of their business. God has helped me to see I am not helpless. God has put me with a tender and caring man whom I adore. I have never felt safer in my life than I do with Junior. Is Junior perfect? No he is not. Still I find his flaws doable. We seem to connect and enjoy each other and frankly I find myself loving him beyond words. I believe that God brought us together and God is the best match maker. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

April 3, 2013 Greetings My Friend, It is the week after Easter so the question I have is “Have you thought of a journey with the Lord?” I don’t think I can state often enough the importance of a faith journey in the Lord. It is a decision that can affect you for eternity. To me eternity is hard to wrap my brain around. I have lived 59 years and that seems forever and ever. Eternity is longer yet. I like that when we die we go onto something else. It sustains me. Even living this life for eternity and the lessons we need to live forever and ever sustain me. The teacher who taught over the radio that we are living in redemptive time helps me to keep on keeping on. I find life very sobering when I realize we can choose our eternity. We can accept Jesus and the cross or reject it. God gives us the choice. Accepting Jesus means a life of “No more pain, sorrow or tears.” That thought sustains me often. Sometimes this life’s trails can overwhelm me big time. I find myself wanting to give up and go sit in a corner and suck my thumb till the end comes. As I read the Bible and learn that hell won’t be a fun place to live I find myself trying to tell the good news of Jesus’ life and the cross. I don’t want my worst enemy to endure that. I really don’t which always surprises me. I have been treated badly by some people. I don’t care if I ever see them again but I don’t want them to live in hell and I want to offer them the hope I have. I believe that the Bible is the truth the real truth and in it I find God and His love for me , for His creation that fell from grace. When I was in the midst of abuse I always felt that if “He” needed to hit me then I should “turn the other cheek.” As I have left abuse behind me I realize that Jesus did not let others abuse him for the fun of it. Jesus often told them what he thought in a very straight forward manner. Jesus did endure the pain of the cross for us. He did it so we would have a way into heaven and an eternity with God. Once I have given my heart to God then God begins to do a work in me. I love that as well. I am not the Janet of 30 years ago. I am not the Janet that allowed Him to punch me in the face, the stinging words and the like. I will tell people the truth and I try hard to not knock people over with the harsh facts just to blow them away. I learned “truth in love.” That is my goal these days to always tell the truth in love. It does not mean beat someone up for the sake of being mean and telling the truth. I like living “truth in love.” The more I learn truth in love then I don’t find myself getting back just to get back at someone. I don’t say mean things in truth to watch another feel pain. I don’t like to do that. I do love people enough to tell the truth in a gentle manner though. Junior can be blunt about truth. He isn’t doing it to be mean. He is trying to be honest even if the answer hurts from time to time. For me I like to be tender all the time so I tend to watch how I say things the best I can. I try to say the hard truth with as much compassion as I can. Junior has lived a rough life with a very rough crowd and sometimes the only way they can “hear” what you are saying is by speaking the way they talk. I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that. I am not a rough person by nature and I cherish a gentle approach. It is who I am. I marvel at my relationship with God. God had me figured out long before I had me figured out. If people get tough with me I usually will get an attitude and not listen. It is the way I am made. God has known this about me from the beginning. I find it amazing. I have grown in God’s tender love of me. He knows I will quit listening when I am strong armed. I have learned more in the hugs than I ever learned in the beatings. It is how I am. Junior knows this as well about me. If he wants me to get something done then he will speak to me gently and ask for it. I will come through more often this way than if he berates me. When I retired and my health kept going south for a while I found myself sleeping and sitting a whole lot. I have realized that I am not being lazy for the sake of being lazy. Junior kept telling me I was lazy. As we see my health issues continue to come under control we see me moving about more and doing more. I truly do what I can when I can and then there are days I do nothing more than sit. Headaches, digestive struggles and even my tendency to fall at the drop of a hat have plagued me these past few years. So I have learned to do what I can when I can and sit when I can’t. I marvel that God knows each of us so personally that He knows when to be tough and when to be gentle. It amazes me. I have grown so much with God’s tender hand on me. I let go of strongholds and move on with God’s tender hand on me. I reach out to others with the love I’ve been given so I may not be the one to speak to a rough character but I am the comfort a person may need for their struggle. I helped M a long time ago. She reached out when she was getting beat up and we went to Celebrate Recovery and she was able to leave her abuser behind. We have a tender heart because we know the sting of abuse and we hold each other up often. She is a sister in many ways to me. She understands when I have a fearful moment and she can generally talk me back to the present when I need help. I want to ask “Have you given God your heart yet? Is it time?” May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

April 2013 Greetings My Friend, Starting this month I’m going to start writing 3 days a week. This fills my day like a part time job and I enjoy sharing my faith journey. As a child growing up in the 60’s people went to church more than the kids of today do. We all talked about our faith alongside of our other conversations. As I look back my kids’ generation did not do this and many did not even attend church and now my grandchildren know even less. As a young person I believed in God but never got the connection of how to have a personal walk with the Lord. After my divorce I began walking with God in earnest and I often feel God’s presence when life is hurting. I go to God as much as I am able to take my life to God and I continue to find answers and a direction for my life. It feels good frankly. I also don’t feel so alone in this big scary world anymore and that is awesome. My goal in writing is to write about the “every day” walk with God. Some days I do real good and some days I don’t. I continue to feel God’s love even when I am not taking my life to God and that feels wonderful. I no longer feel alone in this big crazy world. I have contentment now that I never knew and at this point I want to learn how to give my all to God. I asked God in a prayer after my divorce for Him to allow me to marry again only this time I wanted my husband to take his faith seriously. Junior takes his faith very seriously and it is awesome. He also helps me in my faith journey and I appreciate that so much. Sunday mornings find us getting up and getting ready for church. There is no discussion, no fight we both want to go to church. It is refreshing to me. Lately I find myself up late at night and sleeping during the day more so if I miss morning church we will go to evening church together. When I am up we do both. When I am not then I go to evening church. When I read the Bible I often will come to a passage and I struggle to understand it. Junior helps me sort through the passage and I appreciate that a bunch. By reading my Bible daily I find that I am learning who God is and what God likes and I find myself continuing to grow in my faith. I love it. It is part of my day along with praying. In fact these days I pray as I go to sleep and when I wake up and then I go to prayer in my comfy chair when I get up in the morning. Our church also has a Bible study guide we do in class so I read that during the week alongside of a study for a women’s group. I tend to need to read a few different types of things and this works for me well. For a while I was also listening during the week to some of the radio preachers. I’d like to get back into that habit. I found that listening to another preacher often opened up more of the Bible to me so I enjoy hearing my own Minister preach alongside of additional teaching. It works for me. I find that the more I immerse myself in the Word, the more contentment I have and that I begin to know what pleases God so I change my life to align with God’s ways. For the first time in my life I like me in my own skin. God loves me just the way I am and then He changes me and it feels wonderful. Sometimes the growing in faith is difficult but to be honest I’d rather be on a faith journey than feel the lonely feelings of yesteryear I knew so well. Lots of people have rejected me, told me I was worth nothing and now I feel I am precious to God and life is worth living. I find myself forgiving easier and yes sometimes I have to talk to God a bunch to be able to forgive. God always helps me forgive and for that I am grateful. There are a couple people that I feel indifferent to but I don’t hate them. That feels wonderful. I continue to ask God to open my heart to these people that I struggle with. I have learned to not forgive is disastrous to my emotional well-being. These days I ask God to guide me as I learn to forgive others. I want to cry “but they….” And God always says that I need to forgive them anyway. When I am able to let go of a hurt….I find peace. I am finding forgiveness is about learning to let go even if you were wronged. I generally try to remember the verse that says “Revenge is mine sayeth the Lord.” When I can give God the struggle I find freedom reigning inside of my being and again it feels wonderful. The more I read the Bible the more I learn how God has made us and that living the way we were made is really a soothing balm to my soul. I am also able to admit my sins to God these days. In the past I was upset bringing my sins to God. I felt I might get beat up for admitting my faults. That has not been the case. When I can give God my sin I soon find myself walking away from that sin and more peace reigning within me. I also learn that I will fall down and when I do God is waiting for me to admit my wrong and love me even more so. Have you read the Bible? Are you on a faith journey? Is it time? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet