December 17, 2011 Greetings My Friend, Junior and I spent a couple days of driving recently. I love going on trips, day trips and longer trips. I love being in the car with my man. I love the conversations we often enter into. There are no outside distractions so we will get into some involved conversations. We explore our beliefs, our dreams and life in general. As the journey goes on we often are tired. It wears on us physically as well as emotionally. If there are detours due to construction we need to re-think our journey and how to arrive where we want to go. As I woke up this morning I was thinking that my faith is a journey. When I first became a Christian I was broken. I was devastated with my divorce. In my brokenness I wound up turning to God. At some point I wanted to go deeper and I prayed the sinner’s prayer. For me this is when I began my faith journey in earnest. I needed to make a commitment to God and this was the way for me to do that. I grew up in one church and brought my children up in the same church. I’m not into doing a lot of church shopping. I like to make a commitment and then attempt to stick with it. The divorce prompted me to move on. It was too hard seeing my ex so I found another church home. In my new church family I began to understand the faith journey in a deeper way than I had ever done before. The new church had a singles program and then when I married junior they had a re-married program which helped us a whole lot. My faith kept growing. I like to look at my faith journey like a runner does their sport. They need to constantly be examining what they are doing so they can run better and faster. The thing I love about God is he takes you right where you are at. I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to give God my heart. God took my heart and told me that he loves me. That was an awesome moment for me. I was acceptable as I was. God takes you right where you are and then he changes you. To be in a faith journey means that you don’t stay the same. You will consistently keep growing if you are listening to God. He will point out the things he wants you to do. It may be that you need to let go of strong holds or he may guide you into a ministry. Sometimes God directs me to reach out to certain people. Out here B crossed my path. We were on the porch chatting when B came by one time. Her son was helping junior. In fact Junior saw him walking down the tracks by our house and started a conversation. He realized that J was a loner. He befriended J and then eventually asked him to help with our new home. Junior taught J some skills and the hope is he will be able to find a job. B came by to get her son and we began talking. Anyway B started talking to me and we hit it off rather well. We were giggling and chatting and having a good time. She came by a few more times and then she said she had been praying to find a girlfriend. We knew that this area has a high unemployment rate and many people are on the dole. As I discovered more about B I learned she has been on disability for decades now. She was injured pretty badly in a car accident or two. She can’t work. In my heart I believe God brought me to B. The wonderful thing is B ministers to me as much as I minister to her. That is the other thought; church seems to be like that too. I have a skill and God places me in the right church family for my skill. So my journey takes me to a church, to people who are in need and it also takes me to moments where I have to learn about me. I have learned to love people who don’t like me. I have learned to let go of bad habits that aren’t good for me. For me one of the most profound lessons I am learning is to Agape love people. Agape love is to seek another person’s highest the highest good means a few ‘no’s” sprinkled into the love. As I explore this then I realize the journey does not mean you get to accept Jesus as your Savior and that is that. It does mean you accept Jesus and then you grow. If you are not growing then I would have to question your faith. It seems that God does not want you to accept him and be the same. He will grow you. Sometimes in my journey I go down a wrong road. I will hear God wrong; I will decide to do what I want rather than what God wants. King David comes to mind. He loved God and yet he messed up big time. God sent Nathan the prophet to let David know about David’s transgression. When confronted with his sin David repented. That is a must in your faith journey. You have to admit or confess to God your sin. Admitting my sin was hard for a very long time. I felt beat up enough without telling God about my faults. I resisted and resisted. Finally one day I started confessing. At first I did blanket confessing. I prayed “forgive me for I have sinned.” Then I learned I needed to name my sin. Ouch! I did begin naming my sin and I am ever grateful I did. When I learned that God wasn’t going to beat me up because I sinned, I began to confess. In confessing I learned to “name’ the sin and in the naming the sin I began to let go. God wants me to confess not so he can strong arm me but to help me move beyond it. How is your journey of faith going? May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. Love Janet

December 10, 2011 Greetings my Friend, Soon it will be Christmas. For me it is a time to ponder the gift of salvation, the gift of Jesus. The wonderful gift of God in the flesh and how he came as a baby is a mystery to me. It is a marvelous mystery. As I ponder this mystery I find myself going to the very beginning. My thoughts tend to start with conception. As the statement of faith goes it says, “I believe, that our Lord was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary.” I stop at this point and ponder in wonder. Our lord was conceived, not like we are conceived but conceived none the less. Then I ponder that Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary. Jesus came from a woman as we came from a woman. He was a seed inside her growing as we grow and at the right time he was born. That means he was all bloody like we are. That means he needed to be nursed and diapered, just like us. From the very beginning Jesus experienced life as we did and do. I remember one time as a young person thinking that God does not know because He is in heaven and we are down here living life. At this point I start to feel foolish, first of all God created us so He knows. As I watched my children grow up I had a good idea of what life like was as a child, I was a child. I also knew my child like a lot of people could not know my child. I was their mother. Second of all God sent His only Son. Our lord lived life. He ate, he drank, he cried, he laughed and he lived right alongside of us. At this point in my thinking I marvel. I am so amazed that our lord Jesus came to this sin filled world. He hung out with the lowest of the low type of people. That is another marvel to me. Jesus hung out with the lowest of the low. At times I feel like I am amongst the lowest of the low. Jesus came to save all people. He said something like the healthy did not need a doctor, the sick did. He came to give hope to those who needed hope and did not have hope. In recent years many in my family have voiced their disdain for me. It hurts beyond words. At this point I look to Jesus and he reminds me that he came to give hope to the unwanted in society. That means I am a wanted child of God. As I ponder this I begin to realize that I am a child of the king. That is an awesome moment as well. As I continue on in my thoughts I focus on the fact that Jesus walked with us, ate with us, drank, laughed, cried and did everything we do. I marvel at this thought. Jesus was upset when he went to take a fig off a tree and there wasn’t one. He even cursed the tree and it died. He was hungry and wanted to eat, like right now. How many times have I been that hungry? He even knows that simple act of hunger. As I take my thoughts further I begin to marvel at the teaching we received from him. We learn of God’s great love for us, his desire for us to know him and walk with him. About now I start to see Jesus reaching out to people. He saved lives literally. He offered hope to the woman at the well. Jesus touched our lives in profound ways. Jesus turned 5 loaves of bread into enough to feed 5,000. He turned water into wine. The poor woman caught in adultery was saved. So now I start to think our lord would die a horrible death, just for us. At this point as I look at the cross I begin to see what hell is like. As I ponder Jesus’ last hours and all that he endured, there is pain I can’t even begin to imagine, as hard as I try. The Bible says that hell is a gnashing of the teeth. I grind my teeth and I wake up with a sore jaw from the grinding. It hurts. This is about the time I think….eternity….that is a very long time. If we do not accept the gift of salvation then that is what we have to look forward to. As I see the pain from being scourged, whipped and then glass and bone tied to the whip, mocked, a crown of thorns roughly placed on his head, his face beaten till it is swollen, nails in his flesh and then all the emotional and spiritual pain, I again begin to comprehend what hell is about. Up on the cross our lord had compassion. That is a marvel to me. To me….all that pain….I’d be a little self-focused. Jesus had compassion. He prayed for God to forgive them, he gave his mother Mary to john and he told the thief he would be in heaven. That always brings amazement to me. Then Jesus dies. At this point I can imagine the disciple’s confusion. They watched Jesus walk on water, calm the sea, heal the sick and drive out demons. They knew he was special, beyond special. Then Jesus dies. The hope we have is Jesus rose from the dead. At that point we now have the gift of salvation. In the Bible it states, ‘For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son, that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.’ The way I see it is we need to accept this gift. The operative phrase is “that whoever shall believe in him.’ So Jesus starts as the cuddly little baby. We all love the story of him in the manger. If our faith goes beyond Christmas though then we need to see the cross, the horror of it, and the wonder of Jesus’ resurrection. For me, this is the hope I have. Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was born of the virgin Mary suffered under Pontius pilot and was crucified died and was buried. On the third he rose from the dead and ascended into heaven. Won’t you ponder, accept the free gift we all have been given and accept this gift/ May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. Love Janet

December 3, 2011 Greetings My Friend, My heart is speaking to the young people in my life today. It is a conversation I started before they were born and have wanted to tell them from back then. Today in my heart is the time to attempt to put into words those things which have been on my heart. This conversation is a conversation I wanted to have with my own children and did not know how to have it. It is heavy on me. Young people, I want to tell you of my journey and I’m not looking for sympathy or whatever else. I want to tell you what I have learned. In the Bible God instructs us to teach our children. I think this is my attempt to teach. First off, my desire is for each of you to meet Jesus and to accept His offer of salvation. It took me 40 some years to get it. I have it now and I want to share what I know. Life is not a cake walk just because you ask Jesus to be Lord in your life. Jesus will give you the confidence though to face any situation if you will ask for it. You have to be honest with Jesus. He sees all and knows all so to tell Jesus a story won’t work. The biggest thing I want to talk about is sex. At your age….it is exhilarating to talk dirty, to even let a person touch those private areas on your body. My heart felt statement at this point is to ask that you wait. Wait for the right person. How do you know? Talk to God, He will guide you. When I married Papa L, I fainted and threw up at the altar. Is he a bad man? No not really. He was not the right man for me. Years later when I began my faith journey I realized that day that God was telling me, “Don’t marry him.” Papa L and I were married a real long time. I am sure you have heard stories about the unhappiness that was in our home from your parents. When I was 14 I helped my mother work on weddings at the church. There was a boy who was 4 years older than me. He convinced me to go into a dark room with him. He touched me in those private places. I remember being confused. No boy had ever touched me like that before. To be honest…it felt nice. We never went any further. He moved on with his life and I grew more and went on with my life. There was a boy prior to Papa L. He was two years younger. He liked me in the girl/boy kind of way. We held hands. That felt real nice to. Then I met Papa L and we started dating. Before long….we were doing things that married people do. I felt so grown up. I liked the thrill of doing something….that was wrong. It was kind of exciting. I also wasn’t sure. I was never sure if he liked me for me or for my body. After we married and I put on weight. I felt I wasn’t pretty anymore. I struggled emotionally. I even became anorexic for a while. I felt that way the whole time I was married to him. When I divorced Papa L, I met Papa J. We dated and enjoyed each other’s friendship. We kissed and yes I did the man wife thing with Papa J before marriage. I regret that now. I learned that God wants us to wait and to know each other before we enter into marriage, into sex. I have asked God to forgive me and he has. I have learned there is a reason to wait. The reason is that we need to be friends first. We need to know each other before sex. Sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. God created sex and yes it can be fun. I have learned though that we need to enter into life, sex, everything on earth the way God created us to be. In that we will find life fulfilling and enjoyable. There will always be struggles. That is when God wants us to seek Him. Well He wants us to seek Him in all things. When I do, I find even the struggles to be manageable. Many times after the struggle has passed, I find a sense of…..accomplishment. I am amazed at what I can endure and do. How do I know how God created life to be? I read the Bible pretty much daily, over and over, year after year. I pray daily. I associate with other Christians. I don’t only hang around with Christians, but I have good friends who will step beside me as I do life. These good Christian friends help me discern, to reach out and to live my life. So I do try to talk to non-Christians and to love them as well. Each generation must find God. What our parents have learned and found well, it is good. Hopefully our parents will live as if Jesus were their Savior. In that the younger generation has the chance to meet Jesus. If not, then….our culture falls apart. When I was young, everyone went to church. Everyone accepted that Jesus is the “way, the truth and the light.” Then our culture started to move away from Jesus. I see a lot of our problems today as a result of not making Jesus number 1. They took prayer out of school. They have taken God out of almost everything in our culture. Not good. Life will only get worse and worse. This country was founded on the principals found in the Bible. Now we are in a way telling God, “never mind, we can do this our way.” In my day….we had hard times for sure. The more we as a nation sought God, prayed in school etc….we bounced out of the struggles of life easier. If we keep going on this way, I’m afraid that our mighty nation will no longer be mighty. Kids, I hope you have heard my heart. I pray you each find Jesus, meet Him and ask Him to be the Savior in your life. I love each of you beyond words. I have prayed since you were in your mother’s womb and I continue to pray for you each and every day. I love you. Love GG. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

November 26, 2011 Greetings My Friend, Thanksgiving is upon us again. That time of year for a moment we stop and find ourselves thinking on what we have, what we have been given. The prayer format I use to pray through has thankfulness as part of the prayer. Being thankful is a huge blessing when I stop and look at what I do have and not focus on what I don’t. I find when I see what I do have I find myself even more grateful. For a long time in my life I had what I call “the sin of comparison.” I was constantly comparing myself with what others had. I wanted to be “normal” so I consistently wanted what others had to feel accepted, wanted and loved. Down deep I think I knew things weren’t right as I grew up and I believe that is where I began my journey into the “sin of comparison.” In the beginning I wanted to feel like a “normal” family. I wanted all that mushy love that I see on TV. The Hallmark commercials were real rough for me to live through. Actually these days I find a huge struggle on FB. Whenever I see the comments that get passed around on family life I struggle. I have a deep sadness because that stuff isn’t true in my life. I tend to gloss over them and move onto the next comment. As I go through my thankfulness in prayer I try to focus on “everything” I have. I am thankful for a house. I am thankful for heat and air conditioning. I am thankful for appliances, for windows and doors even for the roof. I am thankful for furniture, for towels, for a bed and sheets and blankets. I am also very thankful for my toothbrush. I like to remember the smallest item I can think of and the largest items that I have. Of course having food each and every day and clothes to wear are in my prayers as well. It says in the Bible that if God cares about the birds in the air, then He cares for us even more so. Solomon in all His glory was not clothed as well as the lilies of the field. I find comfort in these statements. I find God knows what I need. The operative word here is need. I have much more than what I need. That is awesome. So we are in this economic downturn, have been for a while now. I find comfort that God is watching after me. I have what I need. God knows what I need and I have it. That is pretty awesome to me. Sure I want a nice car, the best sheets, the latest computer gadget etc. When I slow down and think I have what I need, I find huge comfort in that. A lot of what I want really isn’t good for me. I like chocolate, if I could eat it 24/7 well I’d have huge weight issues, health issues etc. So wanting all the chocolate isn’t really what I need. I want it. It isn’t good for me. So when I start to think that I don’t have what the next guy has I begin to think….that is ok. God directed Junior and I to the house we are now in. It is old, hadn’t been lived in for years and it is in need of a lot of tender care. Me….I would have rather moved into a ready to live in type of house. I would have rather had two bathrooms. I would have loved to have a working kitchen. The list goes on. We instead have a house that needs all kinds of work. The funny thing about this is that this house is probably the most comfortable house I have ever lived in. Part of the comfort is that I’m not afraid. Junior is a comfortable person for me to live with. We don’t do anger or drama. I like that a whole bunch. The other part is that this house is set up structurally comfortable. Everything is on one floor. The rooms are decent sized and there is enough house to feel privacy when we need it and small enough not to feel lost in it. This house has also helped me overcome depression. Two moves in two years right after I retired kind of put me through a wringer. I believe I needed to move to VA. Originally I felt we moved for political reasons, the longer we are here I think God directed us to move. I had some more layers of junk I needed to deal with and this move has made me leave that junk in MI. For the most part now I am in forward movement. I am enjoying the process of seeing our house become a home. I am enjoying re-entering into life in a community that takes me as I am. From the clerk at the store to my church family I have been accepted and loved. People take me as I am and tend to have an attitude of love. As I am silly I am laughed with. That feels nice. I can be silly and I am accepted. As I have come out of my abuse I find I am silly. People tend to giggle with me as I do my silly chatter. I chatter all the time now. I talk to the waitress, the sales clerk, the gas station attendant now. Most of the time people are giggling right along with me. I love it. I now start telling people that if you giggle at what I say….I will get worse. It encourages me. They giggle even with that statement. I remember praying to God to save my marriage. The divorce happened. I was sad and all these years later though I find myself ever grateful that the divorce did happen. I am with a man who cherishes me. I am not afraid of my shadow anymore. I am loved in profound ways. As I end this I’d like to ask you to begin a journey of thankfulness. Try it you might enjoy the journey. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

November 19, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

Recently I've had a parting of ways with someone. Words were exchanged back and forth as they tend to happen. I keep thinking on something that was said to me. I was told that I hide behind the Bible and my faith too much. I felt they were trying to insult me. The more I thought on it though, that was really a complement. That is the goal.

When I prayed the sinner's prayer and asked Jesus to be Lord in my life that is what I wanted most. I want to grow up in the Lord to put away the reactions and ways of this world and to learn to live as God has created us to be.

I find that we will allow all kinds of things into our lives. Some people tend to say we are slaves to something. Drugs and alcohol come to mind. One of my struggles was to be loved at any cost. I allowed myself to be in abusive situations. When I felt unloved as a wife, I placed my children on a pedestal. I tried hard to get Mom to notice me. I did lots of things just to feel a little love.

Now all these people weren't cruel per se. I just kept trying real hard to be seen, to be wanted and loved. It is like the kid jumping up and down with their hand in the air saying, "me ask me."

As I began my faith journey I found times I would be crying as I prayed. I almost felt God wiping tears from my face. The one time I felt God say, "Look into my eyes" as I almost felt Him lift my chin up. It felt so real. I felt love. I felt that even little old Janet mattered to God. For the first time I didn't have to jump through hoops to be noticed. In that love I find I can now move and be. Do I fall back? Yes I do. Mostly though I feel wanted, loved and a forward movement.

I come back to the person's comment that I hide behind my faith, the Bible. As I read the Bible and as I pray I begin to learn how to deal with life. I am finding that if I am to be a slave and we are then I want to be a slave to God. We are slaves to shopping, chocolate, money, nice things and of course drugs, alcohol and even sex. There is something we all struggle with, it is our human condition.

For me God's ways are the best way to live life. God is the creator of all things and my thinking is that if He is the creator then He knows what we need to do. It's like being a parent. We know our children fairly well. We know what they are able to do and at what age to let them do it. Like tying their shoes or riding a bike, we know when they are ready.

I remember struggling with the "being a slave to God" thinking. I remember struggling with submitting to Junior. Submission in another life wasn't any fun. It hurt more often than not. I remember letting him do things I felt were morally wrong. In an attempt to be a pleasing wife though, I let him do things I didn't like. So it was difficult to learn how to submit to God and let Him be fully in charge. For the most part I am able to let God be in charge now. I am also able to submit to Junior. I am able because Junior consistently shows me he has my best interest at heart.

A whole lot of my walk with God tends to be through the back door. As I learned how to trust Junior, I found myself willing to let God be God in my life. As I learned that God loves me more than Junior and Junior is always showing me how much he loves me. I am able to trust. As I trust I begin to "hear" God directing me. As I listen and change I grow and the growth in me that I see is astounding.

Being in a faith journey is a lot like being a runner. It is a solo sport in many ways. We try to better ourselves and see the improvements. That is the exciting thing for me. As I look where I was and where I am, I find that WOW feeling.

So the person meant to hurt me with those words. I find comfort in them. I know as this relationship was heading toward the ending phase, I found myself in prayer a whole lot. I continue to pray as well. I needed to say "stop." I didn't want to lash out in anger. I wanted to say "stop." I have a peace that I did what I could. I have a peace that I allowed God to lead me. Yup, I am learning how to "hide" in the Lord.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet

November 12, 2011 Greetings My Friend, As I write I am in one of my I’m awake in the middle of the night modes. I have FB’d, wrote e-mails and even edited some of my blogs. I went back to bed and was praying and thinking and I pondered again the question of suicide. Through the years I have heard that it is wrong and it could send you directly to hell. I have read the Bible and I didn’t see in it where it said that it is wrong. I see over and over where God is a God of life. He is upset with human sacrifices. He really didn’t like child sacrifices. I see God being upset over these sacrifices. I also see God as a God of life not death. I find that I appreciate that a whole lot. God is a God of life not death. That is why I am against abortion. God did not want the children used as sacrifices so I felt that He wanted children to grow up. Nowhere did I comprehend the suicide situation. As I went to bed Junior was wakeful. We snuggled and chatted for a few minutes. I was praying and the suicide thought kept playing through my mind. I asked Junior and he said “It is murder.” The light bulb went off. In the 10 commandments God says to not murder. Suicide is murdering your body. That made a ton of sense to me. Junior has also taught me through the years there is murder for the sake of killing people and then there is war. I believe that in World War II that the war was justified to help save the Jewish people. War will always be in the world. It says that in the Bible. So killing in a war is different than in general. It took me a while to understand that lesson. I hate war as most people do. War has been around for thousands of years and it will be here till the end I’m afraid. I believe that when Junior fought in Viet Nam he was doing what his government asked him to do. War has left its scar on my husband and for many people. The church I belonged to at one point in my life had a minister commit suicide. That has left a huge scar on me. He was overwhelmed with the running of our church. He had two assistants and both left in a short period of time. He felt he had to run the church till the new people came and he did not ask for help. He committed suicide and to be honest it has left a scar on me, on the church. I felt his pain in many ways. So committing suicide is murder? God is a God of life. These thoughts roll around in my head. I know the wonderful feeling I get when I am walking close to God. I love the hugs I feel. I have found that turning my heart over to God and allowing Him to lead me is a wonderful gift beyond belief. I am ever grateful that I found my faith journey in the Lord. He has helped me when I felt life was so hopeless. At this point I ponder the Minister. He was a man of faith and he did not feel God’s embrace in his life? That makes me real sad. As I journey along in my faith walk I marvel when with God’s guidance I overcome the various struggles I have. At one point in my life I did not think I could live without my children’s love and affection. I never felt wanted as a child as a wife and those babies gave me the reason to live. To not have them in my life was about as painful as life could get for me. I have always been afraid of suicide. I have thought long and hard at times but my fear is that I would survive the attempt and be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I have chosen not to attempt to take my own life. I am grateful because with God….I feel a reason to enter into each and every day. He sends me to the porch, to someone’s aid and in all of that I find life to be worth living. I also marvel at what I’ve been able to accomplish in my life. I could not do half of what I have done on my own. In the Lord, I have been able to find a peace even when life seems to be crumbling around me. Recently I entered into a FB conversation with a lady who struggles with nightmares due to the abuse she suffered with her ex. It was a hard moment for me to re-live the past. I found myself shaking as I wrote to her. I am glad I did enter into that conversation though. Stepping beside someone and saying “I know” seems to be ever so helpful. Afterward I asked for prayer and I prayed and I felt myself leaving the painful memories where they belonged, in the past. I was able to help the woman and that also felt good. God has given me courage when I had none. He gives me hope. Hope is one of the most wonderful things I have found in life. Prior to meeting Jesus I had a lot of wishing. I wished the anger would go away. I wished that beatings would stop. I wished I was loved. In Jesus though I have true hope, I find in true hope I can face the roughest of days. I know I am not a mistake. I am a wanted child of God. Those emotions were so engrained in me that I felt un-wanted and un-loved for most of my life. God has said “Janet….you are mine.” That is the most profound feeling I have ever had. God has put Junior and I together and we have given each other a love so deep that it is wonderfully strange. God gives us this new church family and we grow in profound ways. God sends me out into the world loving and giving and living. Where is your hope? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

November 5, 2011 Greetings My Friend, Sometimes life is hard. The pain of life can overwhelm even the toughest of people. For me I have found that Jesus helps me face those moments that I can’t seem to handle. He comforts me, gives me strength when I’d rather give up. Since I have begun my faith journey I have had many rough moments and each time I find Jesus is there holding my hand and guiding me. All of a sudden I find that the struggle is behind me and I marvel that I endured another trial. One of the things that comfort me is that I don’t feel all alone. Much of what goes on in my life I wind up feeling alone, like no one cares. Jesus though He gives me strength to face the day and then I often feel hugged and loved in profound ways. I am willing to face the challenges of life because someone is willing to step beside me. Junior often will help me. Sometimes he doesn’t get my struggle. He tries but he flat out doesn’t get it. His words are a comfort at times and at times they don’t give me what I seek. That’s when Jesus helps me the most. Sometimes the question is “Why Lord?” It seems unfair, not right etc. that this trial is on us. As I have learned God allows struggles in our lives. These struggles generally help us to be stronger in our walk with Him and to me anyway I marvel that I truly can do things I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do. Somewhere along the way I have learned that these struggles prepare us for heaven and the work we will do there. I’m not sure if this is right. It does comfort me though. When I went to work at the bank I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do. It required that I think a lot too. I had to have the work that came across my desk done at the end of the day. It required learning how to prioritize and even how to tell Loan Officers “no.” If I was going to balance out at the end of the day then I had to have the work done. We had to stay until everyone was balanced out and people got upset if you held the group up day after day. As I learned my job I found I liked the rush that went through my system each day. I liked all the thinking my brain had to do. For me it was a good fit. At first I was scared but as I grew into the job I enjoyed what I did. That is the way I see my faith journey. God gives me work to do and sometimes I feel afraid like I won’t be able to. As I do it though I find I am more than capable and even have a sense of accomplishment. As I write my niece’s step son who is severely autistic set himself on fire. Her husband’s hand is burnt pretty badly as well. I feel for them as they go through the surgeries and the healing. This seems like a rough road and it is. They struggle with this son’s outbursts of anger. They struggle to reach inside of him to let him know they love him. It seems unfair that now they have to deal with 40 -50% of his body being burnt. I am in constant prayer for the family as they go through this horrible trial. First of all I believe God is crying alongside of them. I felt God’s tears as I struggled when I came out of my abuse. God does not want us to hurt like that. This is a fallen world though and awful things happen. So God allows life to happen in this fallen sinful state. In my faith journey though that is when I sense God the most. He steps beside me and begins to show me how to deal with life. As I overcome the struggle and get to the other side I find myself in awe of what I was able to do. I am often grateful for the struggle because without it I would have never known that I could do what I did. People see me as needy. I guess I am. I think I’m being grown up and all and I appear to be needy. The needy Janet has walked away from abuse. I learned to say “stop, I don’t like that.” I am able to go to the store by myself and enjoy shopping. I am able to pay bills and have even bought my own car. I can clean, cook etc. I am able to do a lot. I make friends and hang with them. When Junior and I were first married it took me a while to be at a party and not leave his side. As I got to know the people, I went off in my own direction at the party often hooking up with Junior throughout the party. So I have grown. God has shown me that people care and are interested in me. He shows me that He will send me people who care and don’t mind helping me along life’s path. My niece set up a FB page for her step-son. People are writing their well wishes. B reads these and is finding encouragement to face her days. I am trying to ask for prayers at night before everyone goes to bed. It is my way of loving this family. So God allowed this to happen and He allows the encouragement to reach this family in their hour of need. People have also started to donate to the burn unit. When someone close goes through a tragedy people often want to donate to an organization that help people overcome. Who are you reaching out to? Do you know someone who could use a kind word or deed? Is it time? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet