May 15, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I believed that the way I was at home did not mean anything. It mattered how I was out in “public.” I swore like a sailor at home and out in public, I would not swear very often. I could be angry at home, in public though, I tried hard not to let my anger out. The double life style was hard to keep up and I was depressed a whole lot.
As I entered into a faith journey with Jesus, I found myself wanting to be the “same,” at home and out in public. One of my first prayers was, “Lord, teach me to be the same inside the house and outside the house.” This prayer was such a help for me. I soon found that it DID matter that I was the same “every place.” When I was the same, I did not have to “remember” how to be, what to say etc. As I embraced this new way, I found peace, contentment and life was so much easier all around.
Another lesson I was learning was that people are always “watching.” I knew as a mother that setting the “example” was important to raising children. If I wanted them to do something, then I needed to be doing it myself. Children learn by example more than what my words may say.
I had a co-worker who started in my department right after I was divorced. She tells me often that she was watching me as I struggled. For me that was the time I was beginning my faith journey.
I had another co-worker in my area that was an angry woman. If I asked questions, she would begin be-rating me, screaming at me and throwing things on my desk. For me…I was a “victim” all over again. I felt paralyzed and handling my work load, my work day to be a huge struggle.
I started taking myself for a walk on my breaks and lunch hour. Walking has always been calming for me. In my first marriage, walking was a way to get a hold of myself when life was falling apart around me. I took my children for walks. At times they would open up and talk to me on a walk when I could not get them to talk at home.
This time though on my walks, I started praying. Some days I cried. I told God that I did not want to go back. I wanted to quit my job. God did not let me quit. He hugged me. I always felt stronger after my walks. I went back and faced my day. A few times I started to “fuss” back. I called this lady on the carpet so to speak.
My friend was on the other side of the wall of where I worked. She heard the confrontations. She’d see me in the hall, downstairs etc. She’d talk nice to me, encourage me and it helped me as well.
My friend watched all those years ago. She tells me often how she watched me. As I was preparing to retire she sent me an e-mail. This e-mail took me by surprise. I felt like crying as I read it. She was being abused by her boyfriend. She is a grandmother and I wanted to cry all the more. Her husband had died. That marriage was a challenge for her and now she was being abused.
I took her to Celebrate Recovery. This wonderful group of people with “hurts, habits and hang-ups,” took us in, loved us and we both found healing. We weren’t berated for staying in a bad situation. We were encouraged, loved when we fell down and a wonderful sense of community and peace grew within us.
“People are watching” keeps coming back to me. As I live life, someone is watching me. I don’t know “who” is watching though. Again, I find that it is important to be the same, at home, in public, even in the bathroom if you will. I can’t be a pervert in private and a sweet innocent thing in public. What is hidden in darkness will come out in the light.
I have a young person in my life who used to tell me that they slept on the couch when they stayed overnight at a friend of the opposite sex. This person wanted me to believe they were “good,” and not into sex. They wanted to do what seemed like fun. They wanted to be perceived as “wholesome” as well.
We all come up with “stories” that make us look good. How many parents have heard, “It wasn’t mine, I was holding it.” Then I’ve seen adult children who won’t smoke in front of their parents…because they know that their parents aren’t smokers. Same goes with drinking, drugs and even crazy fast driving. More often than not, people see “past” the stories. The only one fooled, is the one telling the story.
At this stage of my life, I want to live as if God is my God and Jesus is my Savior. I find that reading my Bible pretty much daily and daily prayer time helps me to know what God likes and to live a life that pleases Him. When I did not read and pray, I made God to be what I wanted Him to be. I also tend to take the Bible as it is written and try hard not to re-interpret it. I ask God to open my eyes and heart to Him and teach me as I read.
My question is….Who is watching you? Would you mind people knowing “who” you are at home, in the bathroom, at work?
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, May 14, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
May 8, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a co-worker asking, “If there is a God, why are babies thrown in a dumpster?” It was a hard question and I did not know how respond. It did not make me want to quit believing though. I need God. I need him like the air I breathe.
I also asked God, “Why did my Dad hit us? Why did he ask to ‘show me’ how to make love?” and so many questions. I tend to ponder things a whole lot. It drives people crazy because I am peering and looking and digging into the deep layers of life.
I have believed for a long time that my trials have given me an insight. I am able to talk to women who are struggling with abuse. I can talk to them in a way many people can’t. I’ve walked the road and know firsthand. I can relate to the anger you feel when you are never able to control life around you. I can relate to the helplessness you feel as well.
I believe that God created Adam and Eve with choice. In my heart, I believe choice means that when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then God will have a group of people who love Him for Who He is, not because He created us to be like a robot and love because we don’t know any better.
I also remember a day when I looked back on my first marriage. I did not like what I saw. I felt for my children, I grieved for them. They grew up in a lot of dysfunction. I hurt for them and I was so very sad. Still, we all have trials in life. Why Lord? Why did they have to grow up with all that JUNK?
Slowly I came to a faith walk with the Lord Jesus. It took me a while. Jesus/God is male. Men hurt. If men hurt me, then the maleness of God a mighty God might hurt me even more. Still a part of me needed God, I knew it deep down. I wanted to be loved, accepted and a part of me knew God was the love I was seeking.
As I have gone on in life, I tended to befriend hurting people along my journey. They usually find me, I don’t seek them out. Not that every one of my friends are hurting either. The hurting do find me though. As I reach out in love, I find peace. I may not be able to solve all their problems, but I am able to love in a way that is helpful to them. I believe it is God in me.
As I allow myself to be filled with God’s love, I find life to be sweeter, worth living, As God gives me the courage to face each day I begin to find joy. A lot of times I use those trials I’ve encountered to reach out and to love. I had a friend who was being abused. She reached out to me. I went with her to Celebrate Recovery and I have such joy because she is not in the abuse any longer. She is even inviting Jesus to live with her, a blessing as well.
A while back, I needed to “re-enter” into someone’s life that I had not been in contact with. My prayer life and prayers for this person, allowed me to reconnect without anger. I also needed to call a lot of girlfriends. This person saw me as I was years and years ago. I found myself accepting the “old” me. As I talked to girlfriend after girlfriend, I started to see the “new” Janet. I am a new creation in Christ and that is what my friends showed me as I talked with them. When I met with this person, I was able to be the “new creation” and not the old “Janet.”
I have a problem of being a “victim.” I was one and to be honest, that is all I knew. My counseling, my walk with Jesus has taught me I don’t have to be a victim any longer, sometimes though when I get thrown that curve ball. I do find that “victim,” mentality again. My friends showed me that I am not that girl of years ago that allowed people to beat her up. I am a “New Creation” in Christ. With Jesus….I am able to “do” life without the fear of years past. I am able to reach out and to love, to give and I don’t have to worry. God will hold me when I need holding. He will send me out with strength and courage.
What is stopping “you” from a faith journey with the Lord? All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart. Did you know that? He will take you right where you are at.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a co-worker asking, “If there is a God, why are babies thrown in a dumpster?” It was a hard question and I did not know how respond. It did not make me want to quit believing though. I need God. I need him like the air I breathe.
I also asked God, “Why did my Dad hit us? Why did he ask to ‘show me’ how to make love?” and so many questions. I tend to ponder things a whole lot. It drives people crazy because I am peering and looking and digging into the deep layers of life.
I have believed for a long time that my trials have given me an insight. I am able to talk to women who are struggling with abuse. I can talk to them in a way many people can’t. I’ve walked the road and know firsthand. I can relate to the anger you feel when you are never able to control life around you. I can relate to the helplessness you feel as well.
I believe that God created Adam and Eve with choice. In my heart, I believe choice means that when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then God will have a group of people who love Him for Who He is, not because He created us to be like a robot and love because we don’t know any better.
I also remember a day when I looked back on my first marriage. I did not like what I saw. I felt for my children, I grieved for them. They grew up in a lot of dysfunction. I hurt for them and I was so very sad. Still, we all have trials in life. Why Lord? Why did they have to grow up with all that JUNK?
Slowly I came to a faith walk with the Lord Jesus. It took me a while. Jesus/God is male. Men hurt. If men hurt me, then the maleness of God a mighty God might hurt me even more. Still a part of me needed God, I knew it deep down. I wanted to be loved, accepted and a part of me knew God was the love I was seeking.
As I have gone on in life, I tended to befriend hurting people along my journey. They usually find me, I don’t seek them out. Not that every one of my friends are hurting either. The hurting do find me though. As I reach out in love, I find peace. I may not be able to solve all their problems, but I am able to love in a way that is helpful to them. I believe it is God in me.
As I allow myself to be filled with God’s love, I find life to be sweeter, worth living, As God gives me the courage to face each day I begin to find joy. A lot of times I use those trials I’ve encountered to reach out and to love. I had a friend who was being abused. She reached out to me. I went with her to Celebrate Recovery and I have such joy because she is not in the abuse any longer. She is even inviting Jesus to live with her, a blessing as well.
A while back, I needed to “re-enter” into someone’s life that I had not been in contact with. My prayer life and prayers for this person, allowed me to reconnect without anger. I also needed to call a lot of girlfriends. This person saw me as I was years and years ago. I found myself accepting the “old” me. As I talked to girlfriend after girlfriend, I started to see the “new” Janet. I am a new creation in Christ and that is what my friends showed me as I talked with them. When I met with this person, I was able to be the “new creation” and not the old “Janet.”
I have a problem of being a “victim.” I was one and to be honest, that is all I knew. My counseling, my walk with Jesus has taught me I don’t have to be a victim any longer, sometimes though when I get thrown that curve ball. I do find that “victim,” mentality again. My friends showed me that I am not that girl of years ago that allowed people to beat her up. I am a “New Creation” in Christ. With Jesus….I am able to “do” life without the fear of years past. I am able to reach out and to love, to give and I don’t have to worry. God will hold me when I need holding. He will send me out with strength and courage.
What is stopping “you” from a faith journey with the Lord? All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart. Did you know that? He will take you right where you are at.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you
Love
Janet
Friday, April 30, 2010
May 1, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
Today, I am thinking about being content. It is something I have strived for. It has eluded me for a good portion of my life. I am now starting to be content. I am finding that “things,” don’t make me content. Relationships don’t either. For me contentment has truly come as I have learned to have a personal relationship with the Lord and as I learn to love God, I find I am able to love others in a deep way.
Philippians 4:11-13 is one of those passages that often speak to my heart. “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
I remember having the dream, “two kids, a station wagon, and a dog in the yard and a house in the suburbs.” I had that and still I was unfulfilled. I was sad, depressed a very discontented woman. Then I thought that owning a minivan would make me happy, nope, I wasn’t happy.
As a child, money was tight, very tight. We did not know at times where our next meal was going to come from. We often lived life on a day to day basis. It scared me. I had a constant fear that we would live on the street. I carried this fear into my adult life as well.
From age 23 to about age 46, I was in and out of counseling. I could not find peace. I wanted to idealize people too. I wanted to put them on a pedestal. I felt if I could find the “right” person and totally love them, then I would be loved, wanted and special. My love was an all consuming love.
I grew up in the church. I took my kids to church. I never had a problem believing that God existed. I could not figure out how to talk to God, to give God my heart. I would pray some. I would wake up in the middle of the night with deep fear gripping me. I would pray for my children from time to time. When my son began to get in serious trouble I learned to pray even more for him.
I was married for 24 years and then I was divorced. The marriage had been a roller coaster, still I thought we’d figure it out and then “get” it right. I thought we’d be one of those couples who in later years would come around and have a deep love and peace. It did not happen.
I moved in with my Mom just before we divorced. My goal was to clean up Mom’s house and prepare it for retirement. Mom and Dad did not keep an orderly home. My gift was to give Mom a cleaned up house. That year or so helped me so much. I cleaned up that house. I helped paint, my brother doing most of that. I cleaned out the basement. All that cleaning, lugging stuff to the curb helped me find peace.
I remember one of the nights lying in my bed. I prayed. I began talking to God. I talked to Him like He was my friend. I cried and told God how scared I was. I then asked God to allow me to be married again…something I had never wanted to do again. Marriage had been such hard work. I then started asking God for what I wanted in a husband. I wanted a man who had an education. I was not interested in a rich man. I did want our bills to be paid and enough money to pay those bills. I wasn’t looking for much more than a comfortable lifestyle…not fancy….extravagant. I wanted a healthy relationship. That was important to me. Then I asked God for a man who took his faith seriously. Oh, I asked for a man that I could look up to.
I went on with my life. I went to work. I went to church and continued on with being a youth advisor to the teens. I went to my counseling sessions. My counselor suggested I try a Divorce Recovery group. I went to that and found that helpful too. I even started to make friends, single friends. I was finding that I could move on. I was even enjoying myself.
Along the way I met Junior (a little too soon but hey it works). We have been married for 12 years now. Our marriage has been very satisfying. He is my best friend. I never believed a husband and wife could be best friends. We are. Junior takes his faith very seriously. He insisted that I put God before him. That was weird to me. I began talking to God and then reading my Bible.
The more I prayed and read my Bible, the more content I felt. Some of that is God makes me feel so special. The wonderful thing is God makes each one of us feel like we are very precious. As my faith has grown, I find I can face life. I can deal with people not loving me better now. I can accept that I am hard to love. I can love even if others don’t love me.
Somewhere along the way, I have learned that it isn’t fancy vacations, a showcase pretty house or lots of money that makes me happy. Today contentment is living each day for God. The more I am able to give God my heart, the more I find life not so hard and scary. If people don’t like me, I am able to move on. I am able to get up and face each and every day now. When I do stumble on occasion, God places help in my path. Last year I was grieving a relationship gone sour. I struggled and people close to me were concerned. I met with our Minister for several weeks. I am moving forward once more.
As I look back on my life I think I felt very unwanted. It is not something I realized as I went through life. It is something I see on hindsight. With Jesus though, I find life so sweet. I am happy more days than not now. Again it isn’t in the stuff. It is in knowing I am precious. With this love, I am able to face each day. I have a purpose which makes me feel good too. God has work for me to do and I love it. I am a writer, a friend, a wife (a job I adore), a mother, a grandmother and life is so very sweet.
As I end this, I have a question. What makes you happy?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today, I am thinking about being content. It is something I have strived for. It has eluded me for a good portion of my life. I am now starting to be content. I am finding that “things,” don’t make me content. Relationships don’t either. For me contentment has truly come as I have learned to have a personal relationship with the Lord and as I learn to love God, I find I am able to love others in a deep way.
Philippians 4:11-13 is one of those passages that often speak to my heart. “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
I remember having the dream, “two kids, a station wagon, and a dog in the yard and a house in the suburbs.” I had that and still I was unfulfilled. I was sad, depressed a very discontented woman. Then I thought that owning a minivan would make me happy, nope, I wasn’t happy.
As a child, money was tight, very tight. We did not know at times where our next meal was going to come from. We often lived life on a day to day basis. It scared me. I had a constant fear that we would live on the street. I carried this fear into my adult life as well.
From age 23 to about age 46, I was in and out of counseling. I could not find peace. I wanted to idealize people too. I wanted to put them on a pedestal. I felt if I could find the “right” person and totally love them, then I would be loved, wanted and special. My love was an all consuming love.
I grew up in the church. I took my kids to church. I never had a problem believing that God existed. I could not figure out how to talk to God, to give God my heart. I would pray some. I would wake up in the middle of the night with deep fear gripping me. I would pray for my children from time to time. When my son began to get in serious trouble I learned to pray even more for him.
I was married for 24 years and then I was divorced. The marriage had been a roller coaster, still I thought we’d figure it out and then “get” it right. I thought we’d be one of those couples who in later years would come around and have a deep love and peace. It did not happen.
I moved in with my Mom just before we divorced. My goal was to clean up Mom’s house and prepare it for retirement. Mom and Dad did not keep an orderly home. My gift was to give Mom a cleaned up house. That year or so helped me so much. I cleaned up that house. I helped paint, my brother doing most of that. I cleaned out the basement. All that cleaning, lugging stuff to the curb helped me find peace.
I remember one of the nights lying in my bed. I prayed. I began talking to God. I talked to Him like He was my friend. I cried and told God how scared I was. I then asked God to allow me to be married again…something I had never wanted to do again. Marriage had been such hard work. I then started asking God for what I wanted in a husband. I wanted a man who had an education. I was not interested in a rich man. I did want our bills to be paid and enough money to pay those bills. I wasn’t looking for much more than a comfortable lifestyle…not fancy….extravagant. I wanted a healthy relationship. That was important to me. Then I asked God for a man who took his faith seriously. Oh, I asked for a man that I could look up to.
I went on with my life. I went to work. I went to church and continued on with being a youth advisor to the teens. I went to my counseling sessions. My counselor suggested I try a Divorce Recovery group. I went to that and found that helpful too. I even started to make friends, single friends. I was finding that I could move on. I was even enjoying myself.
Along the way I met Junior (a little too soon but hey it works). We have been married for 12 years now. Our marriage has been very satisfying. He is my best friend. I never believed a husband and wife could be best friends. We are. Junior takes his faith very seriously. He insisted that I put God before him. That was weird to me. I began talking to God and then reading my Bible.
The more I prayed and read my Bible, the more content I felt. Some of that is God makes me feel so special. The wonderful thing is God makes each one of us feel like we are very precious. As my faith has grown, I find I can face life. I can deal with people not loving me better now. I can accept that I am hard to love. I can love even if others don’t love me.
Somewhere along the way, I have learned that it isn’t fancy vacations, a showcase pretty house or lots of money that makes me happy. Today contentment is living each day for God. The more I am able to give God my heart, the more I find life not so hard and scary. If people don’t like me, I am able to move on. I am able to get up and face each and every day now. When I do stumble on occasion, God places help in my path. Last year I was grieving a relationship gone sour. I struggled and people close to me were concerned. I met with our Minister for several weeks. I am moving forward once more.
As I look back on my life I think I felt very unwanted. It is not something I realized as I went through life. It is something I see on hindsight. With Jesus though, I find life so sweet. I am happy more days than not now. Again it isn’t in the stuff. It is in knowing I am precious. With this love, I am able to face each day. I have a purpose which makes me feel good too. God has work for me to do and I love it. I am a writer, a friend, a wife (a job I adore), a mother, a grandmother and life is so very sweet.
As I end this, I have a question. What makes you happy?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 23, 2010
April 24, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
It seems to me that last year, I tended to look at relationships and that so far this year I am looking at my personality traits. I have had people try to direct me in my flaws and attempt to show them to me. Many of the attempts have been loving and tender, some haven’t.
I am again pondering “me.” I am in prayer a whole lot about “me,” as well. As I began my faith journey I remember praying to God and asking Him to be patient with me, help me grow and when I fell down, I asked that He would pick me up, dust me off and then send me on my way again. God has been faithful in helping me to “grow” into a woman after His heart. I wanted to “love” people. I wanted to “love” even if it hurt.
I have “loved” a whole lot since entering into my faith journey. I am able to love Junior and I believe that we have a fairly healthy relationship. I don’t think it was anything either of us was capable of on our own. We both have a track record of a failed marriage, a dysfunctional lifestyle. We pray often for our marriage, pretty much each day really. I believe that God teaches us to love, to deal with our flaws…the piece of the prayer that goes something like….”Lord Open my eyes and my heart to Junior,” has helped me to look past his strange to “me” ways
I don’t get angry like I used to get. Anger just does not well up inside of me anymore, do I occasionally get angry? Sure, I do. I just don’t have the depth of anger and to be honest, I can’t be the angry girl I was with my siblings, the angry frustrated wife I used to be in my other marriage. It is gone. God, I believe has taken that away from me.
I still have traits that are annoying. I wish they would go away. I pray asking God to take these flaws away from me. He reminds me from time to time that He may not take some things away. God told Paul that he would not take something away from him. God was made known with these struggles that Paul had. 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 9.
I keep seeing a picture, many times after I pray, I will see this. Is it God talking to me? I am starting to think maybe it is. I get this picture often. I see a clam. Then I see sand. I see that the sand is an irritant and then a pearl is formed. I also “hear” Junior. He often will tell people that he knows that he is not concerned when people are upset when he tells them about Jesus or that they may be headed to hell. He feels that pleasing God is more important. Junior also does not WANT anyone to go to hell, so if he was a little abrasive and they turn their heart to God…..well….
As people come alongside of me….I find I have courage. I find that many people will accept me, warts and all. God seems to accept me RIGHT where I am at. That really helps me. I am finding that if “each” of us will look at ourselves we will find….there are some flaws that are hard for others to deal with.
“M” has known me forever and a day. She is a precious friend. She knew me in my other life. She will often acknowledge that I have personality defects and then she says, “You’ve always been that way.” M has loved me for the heart of who I am. She loves me like God does. She loves me right where I am at. M has also helped me grow out of some of my defects too. She just loved, accepted me and rejoiced with me as I grew. That is how God loves us. He takes us right where we are at. For me that was wonderful. That right where I am at thing then leads to growth. When I found that God loves me “warts and all”…Wow! That is the point I was able to start to change. I couldn’t really change much until I was accepted AND loved.
In my walk with the Lord….I am able to love, to give and to grow. Until I met Jesus, my growth was slow. Since giving Jesus my heart….I am a different woman. I am a more content woman. I have a desire to give, to reach out and even do some hard to do things.
I am a “people pleaser.” I have wanted to find the right formula to love people. You know what? There isn’t a right formula. A lot of what I do to try to please people….really aggravates them. My heart at this stage is one that wants to please God. When I give God my heart, He is faithful and just. He helps me face life. He also reminds me that the people loved Jesus and then they hated him. They flocked to Him and then they had Him crucified.
When we walk with Jesus….we will have our trails. We will. Still I find a peace, contentment when I walk with Jesus. I find courage, a courage I never had before. I find a desire to please Him/God. I am also starting to be comfortable with the fact that “everyone” won’t like me. I am never going to make all people LOVE me. It won’t happen. I do find though, that when I give God my heart….I am able to love, even if my love isn’t returned.
Have you given God your heart? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
It seems to me that last year, I tended to look at relationships and that so far this year I am looking at my personality traits. I have had people try to direct me in my flaws and attempt to show them to me. Many of the attempts have been loving and tender, some haven’t.
I am again pondering “me.” I am in prayer a whole lot about “me,” as well. As I began my faith journey I remember praying to God and asking Him to be patient with me, help me grow and when I fell down, I asked that He would pick me up, dust me off and then send me on my way again. God has been faithful in helping me to “grow” into a woman after His heart. I wanted to “love” people. I wanted to “love” even if it hurt.
I have “loved” a whole lot since entering into my faith journey. I am able to love Junior and I believe that we have a fairly healthy relationship. I don’t think it was anything either of us was capable of on our own. We both have a track record of a failed marriage, a dysfunctional lifestyle. We pray often for our marriage, pretty much each day really. I believe that God teaches us to love, to deal with our flaws…the piece of the prayer that goes something like….”Lord Open my eyes and my heart to Junior,” has helped me to look past his strange to “me” ways
I don’t get angry like I used to get. Anger just does not well up inside of me anymore, do I occasionally get angry? Sure, I do. I just don’t have the depth of anger and to be honest, I can’t be the angry girl I was with my siblings, the angry frustrated wife I used to be in my other marriage. It is gone. God, I believe has taken that away from me.
I still have traits that are annoying. I wish they would go away. I pray asking God to take these flaws away from me. He reminds me from time to time that He may not take some things away. God told Paul that he would not take something away from him. God was made known with these struggles that Paul had. 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 9.
I keep seeing a picture, many times after I pray, I will see this. Is it God talking to me? I am starting to think maybe it is. I get this picture often. I see a clam. Then I see sand. I see that the sand is an irritant and then a pearl is formed. I also “hear” Junior. He often will tell people that he knows that he is not concerned when people are upset when he tells them about Jesus or that they may be headed to hell. He feels that pleasing God is more important. Junior also does not WANT anyone to go to hell, so if he was a little abrasive and they turn their heart to God…..well….
As people come alongside of me….I find I have courage. I find that many people will accept me, warts and all. God seems to accept me RIGHT where I am at. That really helps me. I am finding that if “each” of us will look at ourselves we will find….there are some flaws that are hard for others to deal with.
“M” has known me forever and a day. She is a precious friend. She knew me in my other life. She will often acknowledge that I have personality defects and then she says, “You’ve always been that way.” M has loved me for the heart of who I am. She loves me like God does. She loves me right where I am at. M has also helped me grow out of some of my defects too. She just loved, accepted me and rejoiced with me as I grew. That is how God loves us. He takes us right where we are at. For me that was wonderful. That right where I am at thing then leads to growth. When I found that God loves me “warts and all”…Wow! That is the point I was able to start to change. I couldn’t really change much until I was accepted AND loved.
In my walk with the Lord….I am able to love, to give and to grow. Until I met Jesus, my growth was slow. Since giving Jesus my heart….I am a different woman. I am a more content woman. I have a desire to give, to reach out and even do some hard to do things.
I am a “people pleaser.” I have wanted to find the right formula to love people. You know what? There isn’t a right formula. A lot of what I do to try to please people….really aggravates them. My heart at this stage is one that wants to please God. When I give God my heart, He is faithful and just. He helps me face life. He also reminds me that the people loved Jesus and then they hated him. They flocked to Him and then they had Him crucified.
When we walk with Jesus….we will have our trails. We will. Still I find a peace, contentment when I walk with Jesus. I find courage, a courage I never had before. I find a desire to please Him/God. I am also starting to be comfortable with the fact that “everyone” won’t like me. I am never going to make all people LOVE me. It won’t happen. I do find though, that when I give God my heart….I am able to love, even if my love isn’t returned.
Have you given God your heart? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 16, 2010
April 17, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, till death do us part.” Have you ever thought upon these words, these often used wedding vows? To me it is a huge statement, a declaration of committed love. I know that Junior and I often will spout them off to each other when we are being tried by the other one. Still, break it down and wow… what a commitment they can be.
I often refer to them in my faith journey with the Lord. Many times walking with Jesus, we tend to want the “good” stuff, not the hard work part of our faith journey. We want Jesus to “give” to us and we’d rather not have to do uncomfortable work, unpopular stuff, tell others how He has worked in our lives.
Jesus commands on his way back to heaven, “to go forth and make disciples of every nation and tribe.” For me, for the longest time, I did not want to offend, to be over ambitious in my “telling.” In the past many years, I’ve grown to love Jesus in a much different way. He has been at my side as I struggled greatly. I felt him there. He’d tell me I was precious as I felt beat up, an unwanted woman. He was there when I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to live financially after my divorce. As people close to me chose to reject me, Jesus taught me that he loves me, even if I have warts in my personality.
I then think about products. For instance, I love this rose face stuff from Avon. I love my “crocs” (knock off’s still I love them). I love our Explorer. I love many other brand name kinds of things. When we find something that we totally love….we talk about how it works for us. My niece loves her “coach” purse AND she is excited when she can pick one up on sale, even better at a thrift store.
Many of us even pick the “neighborhood” we live in because it is the “happening” place. It may have great schools. They remove snow wonderfully quick, stuff like that. We will tell people all about our choices and WHY we love what we buy, where we live etc. When it comes to why we “believe” well, you know….it isn’t polite.
How many of us love to wear tee-shirts with famous people, advertisements a political point of view? At work, we may even be allowed to wear some of that stuff, but we can’t wear our Christian beliefs. It may offend. To be honest…..I see plenty of offensive tee-shirts, like x-rated, a political view I don’t agree with. There are even the “put down” types, like bashing men, women etc.
Jesus….my life is different now. I have peace….wonderful peace…even when life seems to fall apart around me. Jesus seems to tell me, “Janet, I am here and I am not going ANYWHERE.” I want to tell of His wonderful love. I want to share the “hope,” I have. I have “hope” now, before, I did not have hope. I did not feel like my life really mattered. I felt that I was expendable. As people left my life…..I felt like a cast away. If I died, I felt no one really cared and all I did was take up space, valuable space.
That lady at the gym awhile back, the one that told me “I should have been aborted.” Wow, because I had some struggles meant that I should not “be.” Ouch! So Jesus, comes alongside of me, tells me, “Janet, I have something I need you to do.” Then I say, “Me, do you realize, I am annoying, not liked very much?” He says, “Yup, you, I need you to…..” Again I say, “Me? Do you realize that I am not popular, that I am annoying because I repeat myself?” Then Jesus says, “Yup, you are the one.” He has me write a blog, He has me take a friend to Celebrate Recovery. He has me go visit my Landlord because getting out of the house is hard for her. As I learn to “hear and then obey.” My life begins to seem to have a purpose, a reason.
So…..I am not supposed to “tell” because it might “offend.” The struggle I have is…..I have a NEED to tell. It’s like those cool shoes….I want to tell where I got them, how much I paid for them. I can’t “not” tell. It is bubbling up inside of me and for some reason….it can’t stay there.
Do I try to “over” talk my faith? NO! I try to be “me” and tell what I have learned, what I have found. I try hard to do it in my day in, day out way of life, matter of fact. I have also found as I have come to grips with being “strange” that some people will be offended no matter what you do, what you say. So…….I give Jesus my heart and let Him guide me and if in the process someone is offended…..there is not a lot I can do about it. It’s like the people who wear x-rated crud, they have the right, the need to……
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, till death do us part.” Have you ever thought upon these words, these often used wedding vows? To me it is a huge statement, a declaration of committed love. I know that Junior and I often will spout them off to each other when we are being tried by the other one. Still, break it down and wow… what a commitment they can be.
I often refer to them in my faith journey with the Lord. Many times walking with Jesus, we tend to want the “good” stuff, not the hard work part of our faith journey. We want Jesus to “give” to us and we’d rather not have to do uncomfortable work, unpopular stuff, tell others how He has worked in our lives.
Jesus commands on his way back to heaven, “to go forth and make disciples of every nation and tribe.” For me, for the longest time, I did not want to offend, to be over ambitious in my “telling.” In the past many years, I’ve grown to love Jesus in a much different way. He has been at my side as I struggled greatly. I felt him there. He’d tell me I was precious as I felt beat up, an unwanted woman. He was there when I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to live financially after my divorce. As people close to me chose to reject me, Jesus taught me that he loves me, even if I have warts in my personality.
I then think about products. For instance, I love this rose face stuff from Avon. I love my “crocs” (knock off’s still I love them). I love our Explorer. I love many other brand name kinds of things. When we find something that we totally love….we talk about how it works for us. My niece loves her “coach” purse AND she is excited when she can pick one up on sale, even better at a thrift store.
Many of us even pick the “neighborhood” we live in because it is the “happening” place. It may have great schools. They remove snow wonderfully quick, stuff like that. We will tell people all about our choices and WHY we love what we buy, where we live etc. When it comes to why we “believe” well, you know….it isn’t polite.
How many of us love to wear tee-shirts with famous people, advertisements a political point of view? At work, we may even be allowed to wear some of that stuff, but we can’t wear our Christian beliefs. It may offend. To be honest…..I see plenty of offensive tee-shirts, like x-rated, a political view I don’t agree with. There are even the “put down” types, like bashing men, women etc.
Jesus….my life is different now. I have peace….wonderful peace…even when life seems to fall apart around me. Jesus seems to tell me, “Janet, I am here and I am not going ANYWHERE.” I want to tell of His wonderful love. I want to share the “hope,” I have. I have “hope” now, before, I did not have hope. I did not feel like my life really mattered. I felt that I was expendable. As people left my life…..I felt like a cast away. If I died, I felt no one really cared and all I did was take up space, valuable space.
That lady at the gym awhile back, the one that told me “I should have been aborted.” Wow, because I had some struggles meant that I should not “be.” Ouch! So Jesus, comes alongside of me, tells me, “Janet, I have something I need you to do.” Then I say, “Me, do you realize, I am annoying, not liked very much?” He says, “Yup, you, I need you to…..” Again I say, “Me? Do you realize that I am not popular, that I am annoying because I repeat myself?” Then Jesus says, “Yup, you are the one.” He has me write a blog, He has me take a friend to Celebrate Recovery. He has me go visit my Landlord because getting out of the house is hard for her. As I learn to “hear and then obey.” My life begins to seem to have a purpose, a reason.
So…..I am not supposed to “tell” because it might “offend.” The struggle I have is…..I have a NEED to tell. It’s like those cool shoes….I want to tell where I got them, how much I paid for them. I can’t “not” tell. It is bubbling up inside of me and for some reason….it can’t stay there.
Do I try to “over” talk my faith? NO! I try to be “me” and tell what I have learned, what I have found. I try hard to do it in my day in, day out way of life, matter of fact. I have also found as I have come to grips with being “strange” that some people will be offended no matter what you do, what you say. So…….I give Jesus my heart and let Him guide me and if in the process someone is offended…..there is not a lot I can do about it. It’s like the people who wear x-rated crud, they have the right, the need to……
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 9, 2010
April 10, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I’m sure you have heard the statement from women mostly, “I am a skinny person inside a fat body.” I am sort of like that with my house. “I am a neat person within a clutter lifestyle.”
My life has been strange in the aspect of cleanliness. I grew up in a cluttered and often very un-kept house. In my first marriage, I was the messy compared to my husband. After we were divorced, I often heard people at work say, what a neat person I was. That surprised me. I thought I was a slob. At home growing up I was the neat freak. My room was ALWAYS picked up. I tend to pick up after myself well. I do not know how to “manage” those in my household to be neat.
When Junior and I first were married, I pretty much kept the house clean, picked up. In fact I was working from 10-7 which meant I had time to pick up before leaving most mornings. I loved this and to be honest, it was the only time in my life that my home (this one and my previous one) felt “just” right. When Junior retired, he took over a lot of the house work. Right after he retired, I had cancer and to be honest, I have struggled the last several years with my energy level. Chronic Fatigue is something I am exploring with the doctor at this point.
As we have settled in, I have wanted to have “good” habits. I retired with the idea that writing was to be my “part-time” job. I also have dreamt that I would finally have the “picture perfect” clean house.
I quickly got my writing piece started with this blog. I have started writing a book now as well….only lately I’m trying to “do” more house work. I do a few things and Junior does a few. It works for us and he doesn’t really mind.
Through the years, Junior has commented that he likes that I am not overly neat. He lived that in another life and he doesn’t like it. I heard him and I did not hear him. I would go to different friends’ homes and I “loved” their extremely neat homes. It “felt” good way down inside of me. Part of me thought, I’ll give this “gift” to Junior.
I sent an e-mail recently to a friend stating that I did not have the “house work” piece down yet. She questioned me AND the light bulb finally went off in my head. I love
Genesis 3:16…Your desire will be for your husband…..” God was telling Eve that her heart will be for her husband….there was the problem of the great sin….still when I read this, I find myself thinking, “Yes, my heart is for my husband.”
If my heart is for my husband, then I need to give him what he is comfortable with. He is not comfortable with a picture perfect, “house and garden” beautiful house. He DOES not want it and has told me so many times. Our home is not filthy, it is a little cluttered and if we knew we were having guests, we’d be able to make it nice with an hour, maybe two hours of bust our butt’s action.
Now if I let go of thinking I need to “do more” housework, then I am free to write even more and the best part is I can quit feeling guilty that I don’t have a “house and garden” pretty home.
The question I have is……are you thinking about what your husband needs….not only what you want?
May God bless you and keep, make his face shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I’m sure you have heard the statement from women mostly, “I am a skinny person inside a fat body.” I am sort of like that with my house. “I am a neat person within a clutter lifestyle.”
My life has been strange in the aspect of cleanliness. I grew up in a cluttered and often very un-kept house. In my first marriage, I was the messy compared to my husband. After we were divorced, I often heard people at work say, what a neat person I was. That surprised me. I thought I was a slob. At home growing up I was the neat freak. My room was ALWAYS picked up. I tend to pick up after myself well. I do not know how to “manage” those in my household to be neat.
When Junior and I first were married, I pretty much kept the house clean, picked up. In fact I was working from 10-7 which meant I had time to pick up before leaving most mornings. I loved this and to be honest, it was the only time in my life that my home (this one and my previous one) felt “just” right. When Junior retired, he took over a lot of the house work. Right after he retired, I had cancer and to be honest, I have struggled the last several years with my energy level. Chronic Fatigue is something I am exploring with the doctor at this point.
As we have settled in, I have wanted to have “good” habits. I retired with the idea that writing was to be my “part-time” job. I also have dreamt that I would finally have the “picture perfect” clean house.
I quickly got my writing piece started with this blog. I have started writing a book now as well….only lately I’m trying to “do” more house work. I do a few things and Junior does a few. It works for us and he doesn’t really mind.
Through the years, Junior has commented that he likes that I am not overly neat. He lived that in another life and he doesn’t like it. I heard him and I did not hear him. I would go to different friends’ homes and I “loved” their extremely neat homes. It “felt” good way down inside of me. Part of me thought, I’ll give this “gift” to Junior.
I sent an e-mail recently to a friend stating that I did not have the “house work” piece down yet. She questioned me AND the light bulb finally went off in my head. I love
Genesis 3:16…Your desire will be for your husband…..” God was telling Eve that her heart will be for her husband….there was the problem of the great sin….still when I read this, I find myself thinking, “Yes, my heart is for my husband.”
If my heart is for my husband, then I need to give him what he is comfortable with. He is not comfortable with a picture perfect, “house and garden” beautiful house. He DOES not want it and has told me so many times. Our home is not filthy, it is a little cluttered and if we knew we were having guests, we’d be able to make it nice with an hour, maybe two hours of bust our butt’s action.
Now if I let go of thinking I need to “do more” housework, then I am free to write even more and the best part is I can quit feeling guilty that I don’t have a “house and garden” pretty home.
The question I have is……are you thinking about what your husband needs….not only what you want?
May God bless you and keep, make his face shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 2, 2010
April 3, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
Sunday is Easter, my heart is thinking of Jesus. The more I open my heart to Him, the more I find Him to be amazing. As a young person, I felt following Jesus was too much work. It was too hard to do. As I went through my divorce, I wanted to be loved, accepted and wanted. Jesus met me where I was at.
The first thing I learned was that I needed to trust in Jesus and then when I did the Holy Spirit would help me to walk with Jesus. The thing about walking with Jesus is that He “helps” you turn your life around and start to live the way God the Father wants us to. God knows we are sinful and fallen and understands that. For me that has been the most wonderful lesson.
The cross is for me where I began to “get it.” Until I looked deeply at the cross, I tended to trivialize the gift of salvation and redemption. In my prayer time and I try very hard to make prayer time each day. For me I pray as I go to sleep, wake up in the night and finish before getting out of bed. It works for me. Some people pray as they drive. We each have to find that right time. Anyway in my prayer time I follow a format, say different words each day, use the same format. I have found A.C.T.S.S. works for me.
Right off with A.C.T.S.S. is “Accolades,” I start off praising God. As I have learned to praise God, I tend to want to please Him and make Him the center of my heart. Part of the praises is thanking Jesus and the Holy Spirit. God has had me look at the cross and what our Lord went through. The more I go through Jesus’ final hours, the more I see the need for a Savior, that sin is ugly to God and that Jesus is truly my Redeemer.
The more I go through the cross, the more I realize there is a “hell.” Hell is a scary, scary place and I don’t want ANYONE to go there. There will be a point that we ALL have to choose and that part is more and more the mission I have in life. I am desperately trying to open eyes and hearts to Jesus.
Many people find Christians to be offensive. They also are offended that Jesus is the only way to heaven. The other day I “googled” the Bible, to find out if it is indeed the oldest religious book AND it is. I’ve also learned through the years that the Bible translation is about 98% accurate from the original texts. That is better than Shakespeare, Aristotle and many other writers. These facts tend to make me want to believe even more so. I believe for that high rate of accuracy then that God has been the one to see it through thousands of years AND still make it relevant to us today.
I walked a good portion of my life as I chose to. I always believed that God existed; even that Jesus lived on earth. The Holy Spirit, I’ve only recently begun to understand. Anyway, I did not “get” being born again, giving my heart to Jesus. As I have learned to pray, read my Bible etc., I have learned that it is important to make a confession of faith. I needed to say to myself and out loud that Jesus is my Savior. As I do that I find myself growing in my faith. My faith cannot be “a, to myself” act. It needs to be confessed publically. I also needed to face the fact….I am a sinner, no matter how good I tried to be…I am still a sinner.
One of the most freeing moments came when I started to confess my sins. As I confessed them…I found myself for the first time in my life a freedom. This freedom is astounding. I started to let go of a lifetime of pain, bitterness etc. As I asked God to forgive me, I pray a general list, “Lord forgive me and help me to walk away from, pride, arrogance, impatience, intolerance, greed, envy, bitterness, jealousy, un-forgiveness, anger, fear and anxiety. I will also lift up situations as they arise where I need help. Along with this I have started asking God to teach me to love those I find difficult to love. I even list the people by name…this helps me so very much.
Another wonderful gift with A.C.T.S.S. is being thankful. When I begin to see what I do have….Wow…life isn’t so awful. Do I have moments yes I do. Somehow when I go to God though, He helps me face life. I begin to see even my toothbrush is a gift from God. My gift of writing is a gift from God.
As we felt led to move to VA, I often wondered….”Why Lord.” God doesn’t always reveal the “why” right away and sometimes you many never know. As we have settled here in VA though, my spirit has calmed down. I am where I need to be and I know it. God knows what we need and what we need to do. So again I learn to trust.
Each day I also lift up people for God to be with. I pray for our children, grandchildren, siblings, their children, grandchildren, friends, our neighbors, my old co-workers and I have a list of sick people I pray for as well. I also pray as we travel, if I see an accident, then I pray for the people involved in it and the emergency workers as well.
At this point you may wonder….what is A.C.T.S.S. It is accolades, confession, thanksgiving, service and supplication. This prayer format has had such a healing affect in my life. I have let go of a lot of junk and I am moving forward in my life now. I have had a couple of times where I needed an assist, a talk with a Minister for a few sessions. I no longer need month in and month out, in counseling like I did at one point in my life.
The questions comes to me again…..Do you know Jesus? Is He your Savior? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Sunday is Easter, my heart is thinking of Jesus. The more I open my heart to Him, the more I find Him to be amazing. As a young person, I felt following Jesus was too much work. It was too hard to do. As I went through my divorce, I wanted to be loved, accepted and wanted. Jesus met me where I was at.
The first thing I learned was that I needed to trust in Jesus and then when I did the Holy Spirit would help me to walk with Jesus. The thing about walking with Jesus is that He “helps” you turn your life around and start to live the way God the Father wants us to. God knows we are sinful and fallen and understands that. For me that has been the most wonderful lesson.
The cross is for me where I began to “get it.” Until I looked deeply at the cross, I tended to trivialize the gift of salvation and redemption. In my prayer time and I try very hard to make prayer time each day. For me I pray as I go to sleep, wake up in the night and finish before getting out of bed. It works for me. Some people pray as they drive. We each have to find that right time. Anyway in my prayer time I follow a format, say different words each day, use the same format. I have found A.C.T.S.S. works for me.
Right off with A.C.T.S.S. is “Accolades,” I start off praising God. As I have learned to praise God, I tend to want to please Him and make Him the center of my heart. Part of the praises is thanking Jesus and the Holy Spirit. God has had me look at the cross and what our Lord went through. The more I go through Jesus’ final hours, the more I see the need for a Savior, that sin is ugly to God and that Jesus is truly my Redeemer.
The more I go through the cross, the more I realize there is a “hell.” Hell is a scary, scary place and I don’t want ANYONE to go there. There will be a point that we ALL have to choose and that part is more and more the mission I have in life. I am desperately trying to open eyes and hearts to Jesus.
Many people find Christians to be offensive. They also are offended that Jesus is the only way to heaven. The other day I “googled” the Bible, to find out if it is indeed the oldest religious book AND it is. I’ve also learned through the years that the Bible translation is about 98% accurate from the original texts. That is better than Shakespeare, Aristotle and many other writers. These facts tend to make me want to believe even more so. I believe for that high rate of accuracy then that God has been the one to see it through thousands of years AND still make it relevant to us today.
I walked a good portion of my life as I chose to. I always believed that God existed; even that Jesus lived on earth. The Holy Spirit, I’ve only recently begun to understand. Anyway, I did not “get” being born again, giving my heart to Jesus. As I have learned to pray, read my Bible etc., I have learned that it is important to make a confession of faith. I needed to say to myself and out loud that Jesus is my Savior. As I do that I find myself growing in my faith. My faith cannot be “a, to myself” act. It needs to be confessed publically. I also needed to face the fact….I am a sinner, no matter how good I tried to be…I am still a sinner.
One of the most freeing moments came when I started to confess my sins. As I confessed them…I found myself for the first time in my life a freedom. This freedom is astounding. I started to let go of a lifetime of pain, bitterness etc. As I asked God to forgive me, I pray a general list, “Lord forgive me and help me to walk away from, pride, arrogance, impatience, intolerance, greed, envy, bitterness, jealousy, un-forgiveness, anger, fear and anxiety. I will also lift up situations as they arise where I need help. Along with this I have started asking God to teach me to love those I find difficult to love. I even list the people by name…this helps me so very much.
Another wonderful gift with A.C.T.S.S. is being thankful. When I begin to see what I do have….Wow…life isn’t so awful. Do I have moments yes I do. Somehow when I go to God though, He helps me face life. I begin to see even my toothbrush is a gift from God. My gift of writing is a gift from God.
As we felt led to move to VA, I often wondered….”Why Lord.” God doesn’t always reveal the “why” right away and sometimes you many never know. As we have settled here in VA though, my spirit has calmed down. I am where I need to be and I know it. God knows what we need and what we need to do. So again I learn to trust.
Each day I also lift up people for God to be with. I pray for our children, grandchildren, siblings, their children, grandchildren, friends, our neighbors, my old co-workers and I have a list of sick people I pray for as well. I also pray as we travel, if I see an accident, then I pray for the people involved in it and the emergency workers as well.
At this point you may wonder….what is A.C.T.S.S. It is accolades, confession, thanksgiving, service and supplication. This prayer format has had such a healing affect in my life. I have let go of a lot of junk and I am moving forward in my life now. I have had a couple of times where I needed an assist, a talk with a Minister for a few sessions. I no longer need month in and month out, in counseling like I did at one point in my life.
The questions comes to me again…..Do you know Jesus? Is He your Savior? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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