March 24, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

We have had too many appointments for me to handle so my energy what little I have has been next to nothing. I found myself with two free days last week and I slept a whole lot, Friday we had a trip to Bristol which found me drained again, the joys of Chronic Fatigue that seems to be a  part of many chronic diseases. Today found me tired from the long day yesterday again, for lunch I made tuna casserole, while it baked in the oven I decided to catch up on the morning dishes and yesterday's morning dishes. We ate lunch and dinner on the run Friday which meant no lunch and dinner dishes. I began to grow irritated with the few inches of space on the butcher block cart we have because a few weeks ago I piled all of Junior's piles he was making on the end of the table, on the butcher block cart
 that  was invading my space to work into a laundry basket. I set it in Junior's chair thinking he would empty the basket that day, he did not fully empty it placed it on the cart where we pile dishes to be washed. While attempting to empty the sink of dishes so I could put clean soapy water in the dish pan I had next to no space to stack dishes and my irritation grew. I had been trying to be patient because of the amount of running we were doing, Junior having to run more do to physical therapy but today I found myself angry. Junior came into the kitchen and as gently as I could I explained my anger to him. Earlier during my quiet time I asked God if I could explain to Junior how to manage his time to get things done easier more timely. I am an organizer, I learned this with my career in Commercial Loan Processing, we had to get what work came in to our desk each day processed, at night if we were out of balance, the whole team had to stay until the out of balance was found. Early on I learned I could not take one more loan payment, because that meant the team stayed late as I finished up, often they would gather around my desk until everything was balanced. Junior needs to move from job to job because of his back pain although he has not found a way to manage his work schedule around the house. I managed to explain the system to Junior then I felt bad, Junior is very sensitive to upsetting me so his silliness came out, he was giving me a few extra hugs. I asked him if I scared him  he said "yes." We kissed and made up, I took myself to the couch,  put myself in time out, I took a nap which I needed. God has taught me to speak in an even quiet voice, I no longer yell at the top of my lungs peppering my words with some choice swear words so I find it hard to see with a calm voice I still can hurt someone's feelings. The nice thing Junior has taught me that once we have words, we can be friends again, there are no days of no talking. I also learned in all of our relationship classes couples that are healthy do have arguments, they learn to fight fair then they find a way to resolve the problem. We do this in our marriage as the years have gone on, we fight very little. Still when you have a neat person and a messy person, an organized person and unorganized struggles are bound to happen. As I wake up we are friends talking as if we had no fight, Junior knew I had a point so there is no need to figure a way to resolve the problem. I am less neat, he is more neat  we work out our struggle with love. Tomorrow is a new day we will continue to learn to accept each other, to help each other and love each other as God teaches us to love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet