October 7 2017

Greetings My Friend,

Awhile back I fasted for the first time, since I am not able to go without food, I fasted staying off of Facebook. I feel my ministry is on Facebook, writing a blog and writing a Facebook page and up until the fast I was online for over 900 days in a row. Numbers tell me that I am being effective although I have a tendency to see my value in those numbers a little too much so I interrupted them with the fast. The week prior to my fast I started to get a true sense of the ministry Junior is called to do although we have talked about it, I found it difficult to allow him be what he needs to be. One day he was telling me a truth I did not want to hear and deal with, all of a sudden a picture popped into my mind it was a piece of sandpaper and I realized that is what Junior does he grates things scratching off the rough edges until the new surface comes up smooth. After church the previous Sunday I noticed he stopped saying Amen during the morning worship. I asked him about it and he said he was tired of me jabbing him with each Amen he shouted out. Pastor Joe is working on opening the church up to participate with him during the worship service. It is very new to me, uncomfortably new and by the quietness of the congregation it is to them as well. We prefer to sit be quiet and listen to the sermon. This church is wilder than the one I grew up in, they clap hands after the choir sings, special announcements and such. When Pastor Joe came he started encouraging the congregation to say Amen, maybe wave a hankie. Junior has been the one who was trying to get us going and after 8 or 9 months, we still are lumps on the log, me included. My row though has fun watching me jabbing at Junior, they look over the minute Junior shouts out Amen make eye contact with a smile, it was becoming a game to get giggles. When I realized what I was doing by jabbing Junior and how I was not allowing him to be himself, I felt real bad and asked him to forgive me. During my prayers in my fast I realized that I need to get out of my comfortable shell and to begin worshiping with my voice, my body (raising my hands in the air) and even maybe go up to the alter to pray. This is very scary for me but if God is calling me to it I must do it. During the week Junior was on Facebook trying to get a conversation going, actually he has been trying to in person with people we talk to on a regular basis. It is a topic that is uncomfortable, many people are angry about but it is not talked about because it politically incorrect. I know by the response to several public incidents that many Americans are seething mad, they feel what is being done disrespects the flag, the sacrifice of the military past and present. All kinds of angry comments, videos from Americans of different ethnic backgrounds are put out with the behavior so Junior was doing his grating and it was not well received. He was accused of all kinds of things and I wanted to let it be but I did not, I think God prompted me because my words were better composed than I could have on my own. God is calling me to use the mouth He created me with way back when I was a little girl challenging my parents, turning into a child that blabbed everything which kept me from some major sexual abuse. My mouth used to tear people apart with no thought to the damage I was creating. God has been working on me to control my temper for a few decades now and rarely do I get mad enough to tear someone up with my words. A friend wrote on her status update that she was tired of all the negativity, I agreed but try as I might I was having a hard time keeping quiet. I truly wanted to. After the sandpaper picture God placed another picture in my mind, this time it is John the Baptist and the verse is "I am a voice of one crying in the wilderness...." As much as I like to speak kind encouraging words, I am being told to tell the truth...in love but tell the hard truth. I learned that the end may be tomorrow but until that final moment God wants me to reach the souls that have not been made right. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet