October 25, 2016

October 25, 2016 Greetings My Friend, Getting caught up in pride can be as simple as telling myself to keep going knowing full well when I am as tired as I feel I will not do a good job. I did that yesterday and I missed church today because I pushed myself beyond my limits. When I do not go to church I feel a piece of me missing. I do okay when I am sick and miss church, I do not want to spread my germs, I feel so cruddy etc. but missing church because I wanted to sew a skirt after a long day was stupid which opened my eyes to the factI was being prideful. I wanted to wear a new skirt that I made, why to feel prettier, maybe receive a compliment or two. Each time I went to bed throughout the night I laid there thinking about how to fix my huge mistake. I got up one time and tried something that made the mistake worse. When I was finally able to drift off to sleep, I figured out how to fix my mistake and came face to face with pride. When I think of pride I do not think of these little things that seem so insignificant, I think of the boasting or arrogant type of pride where it is up in front of the world. In the midst of my reflection I met pride on another level, I notice that I continue to attempt to wander off without the walker and by doing this I am extra tired and struggling to stay on top of the things I want to do. At first I felt I had a good reason which was to be able to demonstrate my lack of coordination when I go for diagnostic testing at the University hospital. I am nearly 2 months in waiting and I realize that with the walker my coordination has gotten worse so I do not really need to make myself tired to display what is going on. Little by little pride started working its deceitful message of you can last longer on your feet not giving into aids that will help. Once I start using them I will never be the same so keep going. I also still fall prey to if you work hard enough you will no longer be handicapped. Lies, how I listen to them and even believe them! Last night all of this came at me full blast and I found myself in prayer asking God to forgive me. I asked God first off this morning when I woke up and started to function if I could sew and I got a strong "no". I then made my way into the kitchen making meatloaf muffins and turkey burgers and in the midst of all of this a man came to the door selling meat. He is somewhat like the Swanson people selling door to door. We listened and decided to try the chicken package which was only breasts. Junior and I are not fond of chicken breasts but we thought, we are on the way to stocking our freezers with meat and the meat was grown and processed here in the south. Once the salesman left we packaged the meat into gallon bags labeling them and dating them. I understood why God said not to sew today, He knew we would buy this package of meat and need to attend to it. In another hour we will leave to go to night church Bible study. I am looking forward to a time of fellowship, learning and being in God's house worshiping Him. I know that I am starting fresh on my walk away from the strongholds in my life with God's help. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet