September 10, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I feel like I am getting stronger. By doing the squats with the hand rails on the door frame and using the recumbent bike and doing arm weights I feel like I am able to be on my feet longer at home doing different things like cooking and cleaning. Taking an afternoon rest many times napping is helping too. I do find when I squat way down to get something off of the ground I use all of my strength to get back up again, gone are the days I could squat down and stand right back up. I have come up with an idea and it is working in regards to gagging and bringing my food up. I am eating my meal spread out over a few hours. For example, I eat my piece of meat, an hour later I eat the potato or bread and an hour later the vegetable or a cookie. Many times I mix vegetables in with meat like shredded carrots with a meatloaf. By doing this I am gagging a whole lot less. I expect to hear from my PCP's office soon regarding my appointment to Vanderbilt. I want to feel whole again and I do not see that happening. I accept this life now my only problem is I would like to have an idea of what my problem is and how to manage it. I say that and it comes to me that I am managing my disability. Regardless I would like to have a name to what is going on inside of me. At the end of the day, I am grateful for the ability to make wholesome food, to put food up for winter and to be able to keep our home fairly clean although this is a joint effort between Junior and I. I am learning how to save money more so which feels good. I have been using my unpaper towels and they are working out rather well. I have used one all day to wipe up the table after each batch of food I am working on. My apron is coming in handy as I wipe my hands on it and I feel so useful. This feels good. God teaches me that I can do much and when I am thankful I see how much I am able to do. I could sit and feel sorry for myself more so but I have learned again that God provides for my needs not necessarily my wants. I need to work and feel useful. He has shown me how to manage my time so I can do what I love to do. I have been working with my rest time for a few months now and it works. Grey is our newest baby kitten, she was abandoned by the side of a road and we took her from the officer that was trying to protect her from traffic. Romeo is responding to his private room with a cat tower to rest on and time outs to love on him. Grey is learning to use the littler box not the food bowl and with these distractions I find an outlet for the need to care for others. God knows of this need too so He has put these animals in my and Junior's life. We have a little family even if they are fur children. Daisy is attached to me and stays at my side all day long, well except when Junior has treats or food for her. Afterwards she is right back at my side. Right now I am doing "remembering" God is reminding me to keep looking at all the times He has supplied my needs. When I do this I remember and I know that God will be there. The more I learn to love God the more I learn to be content in all things. I would love to have normal energy for a woman my age but I am content when I find new ways to do old things and enjoy the process. God is good and I am grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet