April 26 2016

Greetings My Friend Each time I "hear" the heart message this year I grasp its significance more when I am in God's Word. The same goes with "God is spirit." I have read these things for a long time and I understood on a basic level the meaning but this year that meaning is sinking deeper into my mind. God is spirit and Jesus teaches us that "He must leave so He can send the helper, the Holy Spirit." The Holy Spirit connects with our spirit and at this level we begin to learn and grow spiritually. I have been growing for some time now without truly grasping what has been going on within me. Sometimes I was hit or miss with what I perceived God was telling me. The longer I walk with Jesus I find a confidence building within me. I learn that I will not be abandoned on this journey, I will be tested with many trials and then I will find the strength I need to endure as I lift my eyes to Jesus. I am learning that "...we look not to the things that are seen but the things that are unseen, but the things that are unseen are eternal." Along with this new way of "seeing" I am learning to see the intentions of others hearts too. Years ago I bought into the idea we were all basically good, we needed to be understood. My favorite person to base my thinking on was James Dean, he was perceived as a bad guy with a good heart. I admit I seem to be attracted to this kind of man for some reason and these men seem to find me. Even Junior in his day was like these type of men, the difference though is when he gave his heart to Jesus a change started taking place in him. I like to tell people the difference with the type of men who walk on the "other side of life" is Junior was through with all his wordly ways when I met him. He no longer drank, gambled or womanized. In fact when we married we pledged to each other to be faithful to God first and then to each other and to not invite ourselves into a position of cheating. We strive to not to be alone with the member of the opposite sex. It may seem silly but to us it is important. If we are we tell each other so the secretiveness won't take over. Junior feels safe and I feel safe. He asked me if I was committed to being married for the rest of our lives. This too has been a huge comfort to me even though when he asked me I felt "of course." I had also thought "I have been divorced and lived through it if I had to I could do it again." The fact is the first marriage breaking up tore me apart and I don't ever want to feel this way again so I keep trying. With this marriage the trying is not as hard. I respect Junior and he loves me in a respectful way. I did not know what respect looked like until I met it and even now what I consider respect is not the same as what Junior thinks respect is. I learned from a seminar called "Love and Respect," that women want love and we all know this but what I learned is men feel love by being respected. The passage reads something like this "Men love your wives....wives respect your husbands." This seminar brought home the fact men and women hear differently by using the example "men have blue hearing aids and women have pink hearing aids." This seminar was hosted by our church so the speakers referred to Scripture passages and these passages have stayed in our hearts as we live side by side. I understand now that even though when I heard this message I was not fully in tuned to the Holy Spirit, I was learning and growing in the Holy Spirit. I also believe I am still not fully in tune with the Holy Spirit's prompting on my heart but I know He is there and I will learn as I need to learn. I am comforted again. God teaches me "I will not leave you or forsake you." Even if I don't fully "get it" I trust by faith.