December 5 2015

December 5 2015 Greetings My Friend Most of the movies I have seen regarding abuse it seems that the abused person is supported and loved by those that are family and close friends. I played this image in my mind over and over. I waited to be saved and directed only to find no one walking beside me directing me showing me how to walk away. My next for sure image was my kids would grow up to back me up and support me. Divorce Recovery taught me that the children more often than not blamed the parent who was being abused, they were angry for living in the chaos. In my mind I felt that after a few short years the light bulb would go off and I would get the sense of family I longed for. As I started to see that I was on this journey all by myself I wanted to be bitter and angry. I cried to God telling Him how unfair it was. I gave God all of my pain and then one day I found that I had God and it was enough. It took me a few years to let go of the Hallmark family moments even today when I see these commercials I have a deep pang run through my being. I don’t hold that feeling for more than a few seconds now. I kept hearing God say “Am I enough?” Slowly I started saying “yes” and then one day God had consumed all of me. It was awesome. Like the Hallmark commercials I grew to have a pang of despair for a few seconds before I moved onto all the blessing I did have and not being all about a huge family of gatherings soon did not matter like it once did. This year for Thanksgiving we needed to make a trip to Michigan to attend to some issues for our house we are renting out. We wound up in Michigan for Thanksgiving and we stayed with my niece and her family. We tagged along for Thanksgiving dinner to her husband’s family gathering and we were welcomed with love and acceptance. My son has been able to visit, to call me and tonight Junior and I are going by to hangout with our grandson while his sister is at a travel league practice a good distance from where they live. My son asked us if we would hang out with Andrew and we are thrilled to have this opportunity. Later after he has had a bit of time to unwind and visit his friends we will stop by my niece’s house and introduce Andrew to Jake. I am about as excited as I can get. Junior and I have hung out with Jake quite a bit this week and enjoyed him very much. For the first time in years I feel part of my family and it is awesome. In one of my writing classes I learned about “a slice of life.” This phrase comes back to me again and that is what I sense the week has been a beautiful slice of life. The memories will be memories that will come back to me through the years and I will remember the easy joy I had. I will remember that moment of acceptance of me in my own personhood and then the joy of sharing my love and wisdom. The thing I have longed for is now here and I am thankful for each gruelling step along the way. During the time in the “wilderness” I have let God take my pain away and now I can just enjoy these family moments with a joy deep inside of me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet