December 26 2015

December 26 2015 Greetings My Friend Today is one of those days I feel the student in me responding to my Bible study lesson. I am reading in Psalm 139 “ Search me O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts. And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I wrote the above passage in my journal under the heading “Scripture-What does God say. Each word as I wrote was speaking to me to write it down, to mull it over. I felt myself longing for God to search my own heart. I wanted to open myself deeply to God. The first entry was for me a sense of feeling and desire. I read on as I listened to the day’s reading going on to Job 28, Isaiah 50 and finally to Revelation 10. I am following an ESV study that is working for me right now. When the reading is through I take my pen in hand again. I ask the Holy Spirit the next heading in the Journal, “What does the Holy Spirit say?” I “hear” some words that come and go and then I hear what I am to write down which is “Keep my heart open to God and hear His correction-know that correction is His love seeking my highest good.” The next heading is “How can I serve others today.” I pause when these words come to me, “Don’t live in the past. Don’t live for the future. Live in today and relish today even if it is hard.” When I finish writing this statement I know that for most of my life I have lived in the past and then floated to the future hardly if ever stopping to rest in the day. I kept trying to resolve the past, to fix it. When it seemed impossible to fix the past I would jump to the future with dreams of how peaceful and good life will be. It was a major struggle to stay put in “today.” “Today” was as painful as yesterday was and I thought if I could go back and fix the past then today would change and my future would be bright. That long ago day on my bed one night crying to God with all the pain of a lifetime I finally met today. I prayed my prayer asking God to be in a good marriage, asking for a man who took his faith seriously. After the prayer I went to sleep. I got up the next day and entered into that day. I left the prayer somewhere deep inside of me and just went through each moment. My trips back and forth became less important as I struggled to live, to make a living to support myself, to find some new friends. I did have my moments of the back and forth living but at a snail’s pace it was leaving me. Today almost almost 2 decades later I realize that I no longer live in the past or the future very much. I remember my past, use it from time time to learn a lesson and then let it go. Today is exciting in its own self that the future waits to unfold of it’s own time and will. I see the healing in all those tiny little steps and marvel at God’s wise teaching. One of the best lessons for me in learning to live in the present was learning to be thankful and tell God why I am thankful. Thankful prayers today take place writing down things to be thankful for. Each time I go through a list of things to be thankful slowly I find myself marveling at all that I truly have. I am able to let go of those long ago hurts easier and the more I take myself through these moments the easier it is to stay in the present. The more I read my Bible the more I see how God taught His people to do this, to remember the good things God has done. Today I take myself to a thankful mode when life is handing me a load of lemons. This thankful moment soon leads me to coming back to the present, to remember other times has helped me and a quietness comes over me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Jane