December 19 2015

December 19 2015 Greetings My Friend This time next week Christmas will be over with. The gifts will be opened, the celebration will be over with and then we will focus our thoughts on the end of this year and the start of another year. For weeks it seems there has been a frantic urgency to prepare for gatherings, buy gifts. When I had a family with small children I loved to bake. Between the baking and cleaning and shopping I also attempted to have my children make some crafts for gifts. One year we made salt dough ornaments to give to relatives and friends. My son painted each ornament black which I loving called “his black period.” This was my attempt to teach my children about giving. I was honored when the grandchildren came along the first Christmas and I received a set of cookie cutters. My children informed me that they wanted me to make gifts at Christmas with their children like when they were young. Our family was dealing with divorce, my divorce. Many things needed to be sorted through and little did I know at the time this sorting process would take not a few years but take a long time for healing. In fact things are still not figured out yet. My children did do the same thing we did with their own children though. Christmas holidays were difficult learning to divide time up even more now that we were divorced and sometimes we did not seem able to hook up. I admit to lots of pain and anguish throughout these years. It was during one of those years I was given a wonderful lesson that planted a seed of healing for me. Our minister taught us to do a review of the year. I continue to do this review after Christmas and through the first few days of the new year. He asked us, “Are you closer to God than you were at the first of the year.” Today instead of thinking on “New Year’s resolutions I now reflect on my relationship with God to see if I am growing or stagnating. For me this gave me the opportunity to remember the times God was my comfort, the times I was able to deal with a situation calmly, say the right words etc. The remembering of God’s provision showed me how God always shows up, not necessarily in my time but in His time and I can count on Him. Seeing those moments helped me to go to prayer quicker and to be in prayer more routinely. One year I was beside myself on Mother’s Day. I felt like a complete failure and cried to God most of an afternoon. I told Him of my pain more than once and it seems like at one point I was spent and quieted my spirit down. At this point God started showing me some of the games that were being played on me. The more I absorbed this fact I understood that my parenting was decent and it was often undermined. With this understanding I felt a new strength along with an acceptance of the past. I also saw why God had pointed us to move from Michigan to Virginia. Distance helped me to let go and to understand. If we would not have moved my pain would not have been eased as quickly as distance made the separation final in my mind and my heart. This intimacy with God was profound which encouraged me to keep seeking Him. My talks with God continue to grow me, to help me see the sin that is hurting me and God then walks with me as He shows me ways to let go and I lovingly understand the next part let God more profoundly. Each time I am able to turn around from my wilderness wandering to see a lovely garden of growth in my life. I want to keep on top of those weeds even more so these days. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet