November 7 2015

November 7 2015 Greetings My Friend I look out the window and see rain, the leaves are in fall’s colors and they are falling from the trees.. Inside I am in my chair with a favorite blanket over me and Chiari is at my feet. I am welcoming the new work week as I write. Today I will follow my routine and start off the week emptying the trash baskets and hauling the trash can out to the curb I will clean the air filters and ever so slowly I begin the process of keeping house. These routines define me and I find that the mundane is sweet. The long ago life continues to fade from my memory and again I am thankful to be off the crazy roller coaster of emotions that was my everyday. I see my doctor next week slowly I begin making a list to share with her. I take stock of my health since my last visit. I note that my being out of breath is better but I still find myself wore out rather quickly. As I got ready to leave for church yesterday and got to the truck I recall sitting in the seat a moment and thinking that took quite a bit of energy. I ask myself since I have asthma does this feeling of being wore out mean I have a new normal? I next focus on my weakness. It is still there but different. I don’t feel like I will buckle under as I move around as much. I take off in the house from time to time without the walker. If I have Daisy in my arm I feel steady. I also find I need the walker still. I am not ready to venture outside the house without the walker yet. I notice I have to retype a few words because my hands are shaking a bit more. I spill things more and I am thankful that Junior does not get irritated with my lack of agility. By him not getting irritated I find I give myself permission to deal with the things that keep falling from my hands. We now joke often about “you married me” and we giggle. I also notice the panic I felt as I discovered this new decline is gone. I am thankful for the assist with medication to help me deal with this struggle. I wonder if I could go down on the dosage and think not really because it also helps with my shaky hands to some extent and I wonder how bad I would be with a lower dose. I am much better but I also am not back to where I was before this recent decline. I ponder what will be next in regards to what the doctor will recommend. I am not afraid and at the same time I am not looking to all the running I will be doing in order to find out what is wrong. At this point I refocus on my surroundings. Daisy is in her dog bed and Chiari is snuggled close to my lap. I thank God for our fur children and the way they bring comfort to me/us in so many little ways. They need attention, food and I soak up their love for me. They bring definition to our life. I also thank God that my roller coaster life is behind me and I find peace with this life even though I don’t know what each day will bring. I realize that it is God that holds me in the palm of His hand and I am not taking this journey alone. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet