October 22 2015

October 22 2015 Greetings My Friend The sound of hammering and sawing drift into my ears as I sit in my chair this morning. The sounds are sweet to my ears. I am grateful for the gentleman that stopped by and asked Junior if he could use some of his handyman skills with the house. He is working on the roof to the deck that Junior could not figure out how to get the pitch just right. Next Junior wants to see if he will install a door to the deck. These are little jobs but they are ones Junior struggles with to get right so the help is appreciated. While the handyman is on the roof I hear Junior out front using his electric drill. He is drifting to the porch and back to the kitchen and I find this sweet as well. I am writing, studying the Bible and doing my morning quiet time. The rhythm of life is sweet. I find myself grateful for this little mundane moment. It has been 4 weeks now since I last saw the doctor and she put me on stronger medications. I don’t seem to nap as much and I am feeling stronger not so weak with rubber like legs. I am not as winded either. I find I can move about a bit without my walker. I still find feel off balance as I walk on my own steam so I may attempt to get around in the house without the walker but I am not sure I can move around outside of the house without it as of yet anyway. The more I come back to having a decent energy level and strength I find joy that my downward decline is not nearly as far as I was heading. I still am not sure I will be back to my old new normal but I now feel like life is full again and I can do much. While we ran for a couple of days I stopped at a hobby store to start working on another hobby I have wanted to try for some time now. I got the supplies and I hope to start doing this along with figuring out the bobbin on the sewing machine so I can work on the quilt I started awhile back. Having a couple of hobbies that I can sit and do also gives me hope. Now when I can’t be physical I can be active sitting. Creating is fun too. It seems like God allows me to decline in health and then holds my hand as I learn to live within the limitations that declining health means to me. I find overall that I am grateful because I continue to learn to trust God and to lean on Him. I find I have an inner strength that I did not know I had. Of course this inner strength is not my own but God’s loving hand walking me through the things I need to learn which in turn amazes me as I find myself overcoming or dealing with obstacles. At the end of the day I love life even if I am not what I was at one time in my life. God has opened my heart to Him and He has taught me to be content. I am enabler by nature and I keep seeing that God is teaching me to not enable others as much as “able” them. There is a difference and today I see that difference. God wants me to reach out to the poor, the lost and the lonely. He does not want me to give until I run out of steam but wants me to give in ways that make other capable of doing on their own. Sometimes it means I help for a bit and then move on allowing them to learn to lean on God. It seems I hear Him teaching me to “open the door” and then let Him do the work. My friend Michele saw me years ago right after my divorce. She watched me as I began a serious faith journey and in time she reached out to me to help her out of the abuse she was going through. We went to Celebrate Recovery together, we both found ourselves growing. God called Junior and I to move and Michele continued her CR journey. Today she has a group of healthy friends and she is not getting involved with unhealthy relationships. I opened the door and God walked with Michele after He sent me away. He also has opened new doors for me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet