September 8 2015

September 8 2015 Greetings My Friend In recent weeks I have gone from working a steady time period to breaking my work up throughout the day, resting for a few hours in the afternoon and then doing a few more things in the evening. In doing this I find that I am able to get a good days work done. Today I have stopped twice so I can catch my breath before moving on. This is life with asthma and my new normal. I have found myself mourning what once was and what it is now. I recall my youthful days of running, doing cartwheels and enjoying my day. I recall my adult years of picking out a project and working at it until it is done. I am sad in fact I am grieving. These moments still come which surprises me. Today though I have learned to grieve and in giving myself permission to grieve I soon find that I find ways to work within my new limitations. The grieving allows me to name a sorrow and in the sorrow I am able to acknowledge that life is now different. As I move into acceptance I learn new ways to cope and the final stage is contentment with where I am right now. Through the years I have learned this process is necessary in grieving the loss of someone to death, a loss of a relationship and now I see it being part of letting my younger days go and fully entering into my older years with hope. At the end of the day I find I have that sense of accomplishment of doing a good days work. For me seeing our home fairly neat and in order gives me that sense of accomplishment. I have always been an active person and again I grieved my loss of energy. In reevaluating my new energy level I find that I am active at the level I am able to be active. I am moving and doing but now it is slower and more thought out. When I see myself being active in a new light I feel good about myself. Retirement allows me to slow down and to work at the pace my body is able to. In retirement I also find that life is good and that my life still has an impact on others. I pray a whole lot because by praying I am able to enter into other people’s life with love. I spend a lot of time going into and out of social media these days and with this I find friends I can connect with as I need to. These friends are people I care about and I also find myself praying for them. I may take a whole day to clean our home but Junior lets me know that our home is comfortable. I sense he likes the order I keep so he can focus on renovating our home and not keeping it up. Although he does help a lot with the upkeep. He needs the little jobs so he can rest his back but he doesn’t necessarily want to be still so washing dishes gives him that distraction. He loves doing laundry so for the most part these days he washes and I hang the clothes then fold and put them away. Lately I have entered into doing research phone calling and then Junior and I talk about my findings which allows me to order what we need done such as installing the piping for propane. At the end of the day I see that Junior and I are blending our talents which allows us to run our lives more efficiently. My quiet time with God has allowed me to utilize my skills and He shows me my value all the time. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet