September 22 2015

September 22 2015 Greetings My Friend My prayerful thought today “Lord teach me to be teachable to hear Your voice, not my will.” I am a woman who has an opinion and in general I am not afraid to share it. Junior likes this about me to an extent. At one point in his life he would ask “Do you like this” to be told yes and later find out how much it was despised and hated. When I tell Junior “I don’t care” he knows I mean just that, this particular thing or situation it doesn’t matter either way to me. Slowing down my own thoughts and desires is rather difficult for me at times. Learning to quiet my mind and thoughts so I can discern God’s will is a challenge. I need the reminder to “be still and know that I am God”. My learning to slow down and hear has been a journey as well. I remember asking God to help me with this endeavor. Next thing I knew I had cancer. My cancer made me extremely tired from the radiation. I remember times where my mind had so few thoughts racing through it. For the first time in my life I had moments of quietness in my mind and I started to understand when Junior told me that at times he has no thoughts going through his mind. As I bounced back from cancer I found my morning quiet time to truly have a quietness to it. These moments of quiet reflection did not last long but they were the start of quiet time and hearing God’s teaching on my heart more so. I was moving away from the need to keep showing people how much I cared but caring for them in my heart as I learned to lift them up in prayer. As time went on I could often hear God pointing me in a direction for my life or settling a fear that was consuming me. There was the Mother’s Day weekend where I mourned the lack of my children being involved in my life. I felt like an awful mother because I did not leave the abuse before I left. Somewhere in the grief God pointed out that I did the best I could with what I had. Later He pointed out how my ex played games with me even now. I also understood that our move to VA was to help me “cross the Jordan river” so to speak. I was to leave MI behind and enter into a new life or my promised land. I was to let go of the hurt and trust God. He pointed me to seek medication and it has helped me a lot. That fear I was reliving finally started to settle down and it became my past not my present any longer. Sometimes those memories try to poke through into my thoughts and I have learned to pray “Lord take that thought from me now.” He is faithful and in no time I am not reliving the nightmares of the past. I planned on working part time in retirement, volunteering etc. My health has not allowed me to enter into these things I have learned to love being quiet at home, writing, caring for our home and Junior. Sometimes we meet people in need and God teaches me to reach out to them. If I was busy working and volunteering I would not be around to meet this need God has placed on my heart. In learning to be teachable I have found my work in retirement for the Lord. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet