May 9 2015

May 9 2015 Greetings My Friend Fear was pounding on my heart real hard yesterday. I knew it would not do any good and yet I kept coming back to it. For a few days now I have dealt with the shakes in my legs and in my hands. These weren’t little shakes but the kind that made me feel week and the question I kept going over was “Is this the next phase as I head toward a wheelchair?” I keep learning and growing through my various health issues and over all I am content and willing to face them head on with God’s strength to see me through. I asked God a few times to help me but the quietness of the day sunk into my being. Finally my niece in boxed me and I shared my fear with her. It was what I needed. She heard me and I felt encouraged. Next I felt safe enough to voice my fear on Facebook and at that point I was letting this fear take a back seat in my life. Sometimes it takes a determination and a deep belief that God will point the way for me to let things go. Once I received the acknowledgement I found I could let go. I believe God had my niece contact me and encourage me. Today I am moving and doing my day and enjoying it. Now that the weather is nice I am finding porch time to be important for me. I may sit and view the countryside, sweep the porch or arrange the plants and porch like I do the house. The porch is an extension of the house and I don’t use my cane or my walker here. I feel a little unstable but I am able to accommodate for the balance issues and feel encouraged. The reality is that I do have some major issues and over time they more than likely will get worse. God heals me by showing me ways to cope, to prolong some of the effects of my disabilities. When I view it in this light I accept that complete healing isn’t the only miracle God performs. The miracle is that God comforts me, shows me how to deal with limitations and in the process of learning new ways to do things I stretch my mind so much. The old days of going to the gym to do work outs are over with but I can work out cleaning, gardening and walking aisles in the store with my buggy. I feel my muscles getting tighter, my energy lasting longer and a joy in the work I am doing to make a home, write and share my journey and reach out to the community. One of my ministries is praying. Sometimes I can’t do anything but I can always say a prayer for those I know who are in need. Moving about like I have always done would not open the door to prayer and the close walk I am learning to do with God. Yes I had a spell where the fear tried to consume me. I did pray and right away I felt nothing. I kept praying and out of the blue I unloaded on a special lady in my life. She heard me, seemed to know I needed to put words to my fear and was able to begin the process of letting go. I have walked with God for a good many years now. Deep inside of me I know He is my healer, my strength and my comfort. Sometimes I get side tracked for a bit but as I learned about the widow bothering the judge until he relented I find sometimes I need to keep asking God until I can quiet my thoughts down. Understanding the quiet whispers on my heart make me realize that the Holy Spirit is guiding me and I find myself grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet