May 21 2015

May 21 2015 Greetings My Friend Taking a walk inside my spider web of thoughts. The fence guys just pulled up to finish installing the fence after a few weeks delay. Soon our fur children will not wander the neighborhood anymore. Next I count out the days until I have my procedure and it is 12. I ask myself what will it be like to not choke on water, swallow food and it goes down without a problem stuff like that. Will the constant nausea go away and these thoughts drift around for a bit. As this thought fades I find myself looking out the window watching the birds. I see my first hummingbird of the season and feel joy. The cardinals stops by he is so red and she is so muted but they both are beautiful. The birds leave and I feel Bella at my feet and pet on her. Mother’s Day this year was the sweetest day in years. The anger of all the craziness from the past is now being let go of with a few moments of “seeing” to help him move forward. Some of the special kids who are now adults with kids of their own remind me of some pleasant times they had with me. I finally get that I was a decent mother with her set of flaws and for the most part they saw the love I had. As I journaled my Bible study I see that my handwriting is real shaky today. A while back I was terrified and today I know that this comes and goes. When I feel the shakiness I need to self reflect and see if my sugar is low. It is not and now I know Chiari in my body from low sugar. My child called me and I shared about my procedure and a bit of the struggle I have with my birth defect Chiari Malformation. He took it well and the main thing he wanted to know was that I am going to be around God willing for a while longer although I will be changing with my abilities. I am older so he seems to get that as well. With these thoughts swirling around I see that God’s hand is on me and for the most part I am hearing His direction. I notice that I am concerned but not fearful of the changes that will take place. God has walked beside me and will continue too. Psalm 23 comes to mind “The Lord is my shephard I shall not want.” This comforts me and I move along in my thoughts some more. With the heat of summer coming on I am learning to work in short segments. I am enjoying this as I rest on the porch or in the cool of the house. I am learning to live with my heat struggles and once more love the warmth of this season by moving about again. I find that this spider web of thoughts seems to be about all the good things life is these days and I thank God for His patience as I learned each lesson. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet