January 13 2015

January 13 2015 Greetings My Friend Part of the kitchen renovation will include tearing the wall down between the kitchen and the enclosed porch so we need to move and empty the things that are along that wall. We have a bookcase we are using for medicines and supplements that needs to be moved. While at the store yesterday I bought some more baskets to organize the bookcase and instead of using the bookcase I have found a closet that will fit these things. My goal is to organize the baskets of meds within the closet. This is exciting to me so I am sure this will be done in short order. Junior has the front porch railings up and is working on the extension to the back deck right now. I know that the kitchen is months away from being worked on further. I long for it to be done but I also know that Junior is working out the rest of the interior design in his mind as he works outside on the deck. I also know that when he gets to the kitchen in earnest he will do an awesome job. Since the kitchen is in some order the waiting isn’t as hard as it has been in the recent past. I am finding myself wanting to do other things like painting the hallway or the spare bedroom and it is hard for me to reach a point of starting these projects. I understand Junior’s pace so much more so these days. Getting our home ready for the holidays was trying and I’ve spent time coming back to my energy level again. This means painting may not happen for some time. It is what it is. In due time things will get done. Learning to be content in this has been a journey and now that I have arrived I find peace and patience like I have never known before. This peace and contentment also applies to life in general. I was who I was and I am now who I am now and that too is okay. I marvel at the transformation my life has taken on. God has been the transformation of healing so many areas of my life. Before this faith journey I made lots and lots of attempts at changing and even made a few small changes but with God I see a huge transformation. I am no longer afraid of my shadow. I have no problem talking to strangers these days, even men. I have been so afraid of men for so long and now I can talk to another man without fear that he is going to harm me. For the past few weeks I get up to do my morning on the computer and as I go to prayer I fall asleep. When I wake up I finish praying and then begin my housework routines. This too isn’t cause for me to beat myself up anymore. I wake up and begin my day. At the end of the day I have walked, worked and wrote. I have that fulfilled feeling and it is good. For some reason I have been given the “job” of learning why I am the way I am. The more I learn why the more I find an understanding and an acceptance of my life. My cousin will often explore our families dysfunction with me and in that I learn why I allowed things that I should not of allowed in my life. ML has been a long time friend and has let me do the exploring as well. With these two people letting me bring up the past more so I have learned and at this point my past is my past, I can close the door. If someone opens that door I don’t worry about a flood of emotions haunting me because I have dealt with them. God has taught me to do this work and I am so grateful. I feel that I am entering into this New Year ready to move forward wherever God leads me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet