September 25 2014

September 25 2014 Greetings My Friend, Sometimes it seems I must work through a thought a few times before I can let it go fully. The thought I am working on right now is “Complete healing”. I hear this frequently when others are praying for those that are ill or are struggling. I tend to chew on this and find myself chewing on this thought once more. One of the first things I learned was God tends to bring healing to me in stages. My longtime fear of my ex has finally settled down and that fear does not come up like it was. Step one taught me to pray for this man. I could do no more than mention his name as I prayed which went something like “Be with……”. The more I said this prayer I felt anger, the pain and the injustice leave. Indifference came upon me and I had no hate in my being. Fear was hard to let go of. I kept taking it to God. God said “move” so we moved to another state. In this state I began to relax because I knew I would not have to attend holidays where he would be present and the like. As I settled down with this I started seeing his picture with my own family members. This rankled me to no end because I was never invited to his family gatherings. I felt rejected even more so and this pain was tearing me to pieces. Along the way it occurred to me that I could not let go without some additional help. I kept asking God about medication for my anxiety and God kept pointing me to the medication. With the medication I am able to let go of the deep pain I was feeling. It is there don’t get me wrong but today I don’t dwell on it. God has shown me all the people that really care a lot about me and that is precious. This process has been just that a process a journey. God did not heal me all in one fell swoop. It has been piece by piece. As I grew a bit, God would challenge me some more until I was able to heal more completely. I believe I’ve been healed by God and I also have moments where I tend to sink backwards. The good thing is that today I ask God to help me when that sinking despair tends to rise within me and I let it go fairly quickly. So the healing is there but I also know that without a day in and day out walk with God I would fall back into the despair I once knew so well. I start to understand that God wants us to “overcome” and it seems He knows that in order to “overcome” we need to have many lessons to do so. I also know me that if I don’t work for something I tend to minimize it and then to fall backwards a lot more often than not. So the step by step process of overcoming is a healing and a complete healing in one moments time is not the best for me. After retirement I kept falling deeper and deeper into my health issues. I found a doctor who seemed to truly understand my problems and one by one we’ve walked through the many issues I had. I am better today than I was but I cannot run a marathon in life either. I am way better but not all the way. In learning to live within my capabilities I learn to do new things and old things in a new way and in that life is pretty sweet. God knows me also. If I felt 100% then I’d run way too much to sit and study, to write and to talk to God as often as I do now. I’m not upset that I am not !00% better. I know God isn’t giving me what I can’t handle and I am also growing in my relationship with Him. All of this is truly sweet. As I pray for others these days I find myself asking for God’s “peace, comfort and strength” more than a complete healing. I believe it is in these things that a true healing can take shape. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet