August 26 2014

August 26 2014 Greetings My Friend, Physical work is still rough right now so my work tends to turn to writing. Having learned to do both throughout the day has helped me do a full days work and to work at my ability to do so. With this bronchitis my recovery is taking time so as I feel awake more I do one small task and sit. I turn to Bible study, prayer and writing so my day feels productive even if my housework is on the downside at the moment. I read on a Chiari help support site about a lady who is newly married, and some famous TV person is also newly married. The TV person is starting a family right away and the lady on the help site can’t because she is going to have two surgeries due her Chiari. She resents the fact that people are asking her when she and her husband will start their family. My heart breaks for this woman. I have my own version of “it’s not fair so I relate and wonder.” For me I take it back to God each time I feel deprived of life’s simplest things. Being stuck in the “it is not fair” thought process only takes me further down into the pit. Giving my grief to God though helps me to see sunshine when only dark clouds try to circle me. It has been a long journey for me in some ways. I wanted to be the “mom” my kids adored. I am not and crushed is putting it mildly. Through the years though God has taken me by the hand and directed my steps. The hurt is still there but now it is a dull pain and not a deep bleeding wound. I find joy in the work God has directed me in. Part of my journey to “now” has been declining health with each twist and turn. About the time I thought I could not go any lower I went down even further. As I went downhill though God began giving me assignments. I learned to talk to God all day long. The more I talked the closer I felt to Him. He pointed me to a long lost love, writing. I started with a blog, wrote a short book and in the last few months I write a daily Facebook page about my faith journey. I am spending a few hours each day writing. I have been able to start walking and as my energy got better I swapped the walking out with doing housework. Just before bronchitis hit I was able to do both walk amd housework along with my writing time. My days are filling in rather nicely so this bronchitis set back is discouraging. Only I am not going as low as I have in the past when I encounter a setback. This time I sense a new lesson as I hang out in my comfy chair most of the day. For the most part I am able to give God all struggles. I have found myself wanting to take perfect care of myself. My thought is if I am pro active I won’t get sick very often. I sense God saying you aren’t staying well on your own will alone. I sense God does like my trying to be as fit and able as I can but I also sense that if I believe I am doing it all on my own then I have a problem. I felt if I was real good about how I ate, exercised and what have you then I’d be rewarded with very little down time due to illness’. I have to accept the fact that my body is challenged these days in a big way. I can’t will health to this body of mine. I can do my part and then I need to accept the illness’ that do come. I go back to the statement my doctor gave me. “Because of the work I strived to do to maintain good health I will be able to work through cancer easier.” So I take this to heart and realize that I am doing my part to keep my health as best as I can and I may not be able to bring my health back to 100% and that is okay. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet