March 11 2014

March 11 2014

Greetings My Friend,

The date reminds me that tomorrow is our anniversary. It will be 16 years with Junior. He is the first man I trusted fully. He is the first man who has not tried to hurt me. For that reason alone I find that my love continues to grow for him.

We are 2 dysfunctional people who have each other not in dysfunction but in wholeness. Our wholeness comes from Jesus. Each day we start our day in prayer and Bible study. For me I read the Bible through and do a Bible study or two. Junior reads a chapter and contemplates it. My brain won't slow down enough for that but as I read through the Bible and do Bible studies I find myself growing. Two different approaches but they work.

Early on in our marriage I found myself reverting to some old patterns. We were in counseling at the time realizing that I needed to walk away from old patterns. My Mother had died and I was in charge of her estate. She had a checking account that I was to pay bills from. I did that and at the same time I felt obligated to give a portion to my brother. I felt that since he was poor it was my obligation to give him the money even if it meant that I had to pay her bills out of my own pocket. Junior insisted that I pay her bills first. The counselor insisted I not hand over the money as well.

I kept saying “but he is poor.” Junior kept insisting that I pay the bills. When the counselor agreed I began to readjust my thinking. As it was she did not have enough in her account to pay all her bills and I still wound up paying for a bill or two. As I absorbed this fact my counselor showed me that Junior was seeking my best. It was a sobering moment for me.

That is the point I earnestly began trusting Junior. These days when he suggests something I am not sure about I tend to go with his direction. Over and over again I find that Junior has good input for my well being.

I am dealing with some health issues. After the hospital stay recently I have started loosing a portion of everything I eat. I am going to see a surgeon to schedule a scope being inserted to look at my stomach. I asked Junior to accompany me so he could get the same information at the same time as I did. I am looking for his input as I deal with the potential surgery or other things I may need to do to resolve this matter. At times I get so much information that sorting through it all overwhelms me. Junior can be my sounding board and offer his insights which helps me greatly.

Junior will be by my side as I see a neurologist as well. Dusting cobwebs from the ceiling makes me so dizzy. Again this morning I tripped. I did not fall to the ground but these moments are happening more and more. Is it my birth defect? I don't know but my doctor wants me to have this doctor check into my struggle.

We are planning a trip to TN this weekend. It is 2-3 hrs from us and that is where there is more of the chain stores are that are not here in VA where we live. Our dates these days have taken on a new look. We don't need to go to a movie or a play like we did when we were younger. We do find our special alone time though and it works for us. Our time in our TV area as Junior looks at the mail and I exercise is precious. We enjoy down time from our days work by watching TV in the evenings. Our twice a month trips to TN for specialists and shopping are times we connect. We tend to eat at a better end restaurant as well. It is a treat and again we share a special moment.

We still take a vacation or two each year and I love it. As Junior sees an end in sight we are starting to plan on small getaways more often. That excites us both. We will explore this region more. We hope to have many more years of decent health so that all this is possible.

Our nutritionist has given me some supplements that quiet my brain down. I don't tend to blurt out each thought as it arises in my brain. I am not changing topics as I talk every few seconds. Junior loves to hoard. We definitely have our trying moments. For the first several years we were married we both were in counseling more for me but we both went at first. As my counselor taught me to look to Junior and as we learned to pray for our marriage we found ourselves connecting and being close friends. It was not something we accomplished on our own.

When Junior talks he can sound rather harsh. I ask too many questions. We are two fallen people living in a fallen world. We place our hearts and lives in God's will and in that we find wholeness. Junior gives me grace when I am annoying and I learn due this grace to give grace to him. When I prayed asking to be married again I asked for a man who took his faith seriously and a man I could look up too. I've been given both of these things.

I learn again that “Jesus is the way the truth and the light” that there is no other way whatsoever. This is where I plan on staying in Jesus.

Where do you find your source for your relationships? On your own strength or God's?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet