October 16 2013

October 16 2013 Greetings My Friend, Daisy is on one arm of the chair I am in and Mindy is on the other side. For some reason I feel loved, wanted and very special. When family or friends don’t give me the love I desire these animals tend to be the love I long for and I am amazed at how wonderful it feels. About this time I begin to see God’s love for me even though life is not going the way I wanted it to. I begin to see God tends to understand my distress and I even think he feels alongside of me. I may not get to dwell in the hurt because soon will tell me to “go out and do” and when I listen to this command I always find peace. As I realize God’s love for me I find myself not hurting when I don’t find the love I so desperately want from others and life is worth living. I find that God is the most important person in my life even more important than Junior which I would like to give all my love and attention to. God teaches me to be what Junior needs and as I implement what I hear I find Junior not to be annoying and our love tends to grow deeper. God also shows me where to invest my energy. I love writing and I believe God has given me this gift. I write about the lessons I learn and share my faith journey and in all of that I find life good. I tripped on a broken sidewalk got a huge goose egg on my forehead and a nasty black eye and in all of that I find love. There may be a lesson and as I continue to pray and talk to God I will learn the lesson. I may be an example for someone to meet God through the way I deal with this struggle and in that I feel honored as well. Gone are the moments of despair and the feeling of confusion with life in general. I know that God only wants my best. That feels real nice and as lemons come my way I begin to see that I am being given a lesson that truly is good for me. Down deep inside of me I am not angry or even scared because I know God wants my best and in that I am able to face day to day life. With this accident I have also been patient with me. I find myself falling asleep throughout the day. I realize that my body took a nasty tumble and it needs time to heal and recover. Even sewing on my quilt is very piece meal and slow. Gone are the reminders that I used to be able to do more and anger at myself. My favorite phrase continues to play out in my mind “it is what it is.” I also soak up the love each dog and cat gives me on a daily basis. It is fun watching Mindy grow in her puppy phase, the baby kittens will soon be all around us and underfoot. I enjoy the house we have been given and continue to find ways to decorate it which speaks to me deep in my being. At one point in my life I made my whole life about being a wife and mother. Today I am a wife and for the first time in my life I feel loved and wanted. I accept that the kids grew up in dysfunction, I don’t like it but I accept it. God shows me my talents and I strive to work in the talents I have been given. As I learn to be and do what I hear God teaching me to be and do I find life very acceptable and I don’t strive to be the people pleaser I was at one time. I am who I am and that is that. I love the ones that love me and accept that I am not everyone’s favorite woman. My day turns to prayer more and more. I like that. I like taking time out throughout the day to talk with God. My night time prayers tend to review the gift of the cross. My daytime prayers tend to be for family and friends. I also pray for those on FB that tend to be struggling or as I travel I will pray as I see an accident or as I hear of needs of others. I like “me” these days. If others don’t, I can’t control that. I find that if God loves me I have all I need and then I marvel at the ones God places in my life. Junior loves me and tells me in so many precious ways by the way he fixes on our house, brings home a pet, buys me trinkets and brings a flower from the yard in just for me. Fridays I volunteer at church and I love the social interactions of other women to be very satisfying. I write a blog or a tweet or both several days a week and enjoy it to no end. I accept that my body is not what it once was. I stumble more, fall more and my thought process tends to not be as quick as it once was and “that is ok.” I make a craft up to some extent only to find others are making a tee shirt quilt. I love cross stitch so I cross stitch my quilt and enjoy it. The older “Janet” likes herself and enjoys each day even the rough ones. I accept that I never figured out how to be popular and I am content. I enjoy day to day life and when the lemons of life strike I know that a new day will dawn and I will enjoy that moment when it arrives. I accept the limitations of the lemons of life tend to throw at me with more grace than in the past. That feels good. Junior will wake up and love on me and when he has a cranky moment I know that will pass as well and we will be good friends in short order. So I live for God, give each piece of my being to God that I am able and find my definition of “me” in God. In all of that I find peace. Where is your definition of yourself found? May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet