October 13 2013 Greetings My Friend, I have a birth defect that I just found out in the last year I had. My brain stem is growing down into my vertebrae and for a long time now I have become unbalanced in small ways. I always thought I had put weight on for the first time in my life and that was causing my unbalance but in fact it is my birth defect. I was at a store one time and tripped over my foot and found myself laid out flat on the floor. A friend suggested I start using a cane and for the most part it has helped me a lot. I found myself having a confidence as I walked again. About two weeks ago I was on the porch and somehow I tripped on a rocking chair. My foot began to swell and walking was difficult so I went to the ER. I had bruised my foot real bad and was given an ice pack to put on my foot. Within a day I was walking around again with no pain. B’s son J who has been helping Junior was told that we’d be running out of money and his services were not going to be needed. There was a moment where we realized that he would not look for work unless he was motivated to go out and look. He had grown used to a paycheck, however small it was and was content to stay at that place. So Junior decided to take another step toward helping him for his own good in our eyes and told him his services were coming to an end. J has wanted to learn how to drive a semi. He has been on the internet sights checking into what he needs to do to learn how to drive. He has read as much material as he could and finally put in an application to learn how to drive a big rig. Last weekend we took J to the bus station for him to travel to his school. As we were waiting around for the bus to come I found myself pacing, it is something I do. I was looking at the area since it was new to me and I found myself falling on the cement. The sidewalk was busted up and I did not notice it. I landed in front of a trash bin. I was dazed for a bit. When I got up and looked in a mirror I had a huge goose egg on my head. I skinned up a couple other spots on my body. Junior asked a storekeeper for a bag of ice and I began putting the ice on my forehead. I sat in the car till the bus came and then we left for home. We did stop at an eye glass place to get my glasses readjusted and then we headed on home. The second day I went to sleep with a headache and woke up with one so off to the ER I went just to make sure everything was good in the inside of me. After several hours a few x-rays and a CAT scan, I was told everything was ok. The headaches were to be expected and at that point I quit worrying something major had gone wrong. In times of distress like this I try to remember to “give God thanks” and frankly at times it is hard. After the ER visit though I was truly comforted and realized things could have easily been a lot worse. That is the point that giving God thanks began to form on my lips and in my heart. Prior to the ER visit I was just trying to cope with the injury. Very little thought came to mind other than getting through the next moment. I was falling asleep frequently the first day after several hours of staying awake. At one point I woke up and found not one but 5 dogs on me. In some strange way I think the kids knew I was injured and wanted to love on me. That is the first time all of them wanted to be on me at one time. They generally take turns coming to me to cuddle. That felt real nice to be honest. Daisy was beside me the whole time as well and she is now my girl. Daisy also gave me a focus which helped me move forward a lot. By taking her out for her potty breaks and feeding her I found myself not dwelling on my injury. Mindy is a puppy and that means she is playful. She too wanted me to play with her and again it helped me move out of despair. As I write I am on day three and I feel some of my energy is coming back. That feels nice so the plans are forming in my head of the jobs I want to accomplish and I am thinking about cooking us some food for lunch and such. At present I am writing another one of my loves. To be honest I find a lot of comfort in returning to the routines of life. Part of me would like to hole up and not go out my front door much anymore. I am also a social creature so staying home is hard for me to accept. I do stay home more but I do like going out as well. I have decided to keep going out. I may need to rethink this process or if I need to use a scooter or some such down the road. It will be something I must deal with as my balance continues to decline. Part of me is learning to trust God more as well. I believe God wants my best. I also believe that God has allowed this struggle into my life for a reason. Do I know the reason? Not really but I do know that God wants my “highest good” so I wait and see where this whole thing will take me. I may be an example for someone to see how to deal with struggles. I truly don’t know how God is using this struggle at present but I feel safe knowing that God loves me and He often even feels my discomfort so my goal is to keep talking to God as I go through life with this trial. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you. Love Janet