June 10, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Trusting God, sometimes it is easy and some days it takes a lot of gumption to believe He is working things out for my good. Each time I believe, I wait as things unfold I find God there comforting me, giving me courage when I have none and frankly my walk grows stronger. Junior took J and went out of town to pick some stuff up he ordered off the internet. He took our used UHaul truck so the things would fit. We bought it as we moved south and frankly it has come in handy many times in the last few years. It is expensive to put gas in it but it does come in handy. Junior and J traveled to the other side of the state a good 10 hour drive from our place. The plan was they were to sleep in the truck and get in get the stuff and head back with maybe another night spent in the truck for sleep. I wanted to go until the sleep in the truck thing was mentioned and decided to stay home and sleep in a comfortable bed. They left. I went to bed and the dogs were my comfort as I slept. I woke up to find the neighbor had been to our house pounding on the door and I never heard them. Junior called them when I did not hear the phone ringing. I’ve never been such a sound sleeper until I got older but now I tend to sleep through whatever disaster happens. It is the getting to sleep part I struggle with these days. Junior was making a turn into the sun and another driver was facing him in the opposite direction. The sun was real bad in his eyes. He did not see the other driver and he ran into them. He somehow managed to roll the UHaul. Thank God no one was hurt! I am sure in the next days to come a few aches and pains may come. A trip to the Chiropractor should help with that. We finally connected on the phone. Junior was telling me silly story after silly story. The old Janet would have gotten so angry. The Janet of today knew to ask J to get on the phone and tell me. He did. He told me straight up what happened. I then went back to Junior who was then straight forward with me about the events. I think my guy was scared and being upfront was a struggle until he himself absorbed what happened to him and his friend. Some of the marriage classes came to mind as he was talking. They helped me realize that my guy is a man and thinks differently than a woman. A woman may cry and talk and be annoying to a guy. A guy tends to be strong so the silly stuff was Junior’s attempt at strength when he was real rattled. That is my theory and I may never know for sure. My friend M asked me if when Junior died if I would stay in VA on our last visit. Yup I had been thinking about that possibility. Yup I am staying. I love our house, the woods, the views the peace I feel out here. Moving back with family doesn’t mean they will be there for me in a way that I need their support and out here the people keep showing me that they will be so I will stay. I may change my mind down the road but for now that is where I am at. Everyone was rattled and it appears to be about all. The next several phone calls dealt with him renting a truck, packing the truck and the fact that they were on their way back. I found myself upset praying as I went to sleep the first night that I had not asked for God to watch over them till I went to bed. I did offer up my prayer at that point. After the accident I found myself talking to God. I found God comforting me, keeping me calm as I talked with Junior and helping me to process the whole ordeal. As I found myself going to prayer time and time again I began to think back to the day I did not pray for everything like I try to do now. I remember my stomach being tied up in such knots that I had major pain for a week after the event happened. I remember conjuring up all kinds of scenes and frankly none of them ever came to pass. These days I keep talking to God. My first prayer or two may be real short like “Lord, I can’t think, I can’t talk, help me.” As my peace comes I begin to formulate the words, the fears and tell God what I am struggling with. I find God is always right there helping me cope, to move on to the next step. In a bit I find myself thankful. I did find that all this happened this time as well. I also began to feel thankful as I realized the various things that could have gone wrong and I thank God as well. I realize that God allowed this accident for a reason. Do I know the reason? Nope but in the coming days I am sure I will learn what God wants me to learn. I won’t be angry even if it would have turned out worse I don’t think I’d be angry. I learn God is there walking through the struggle, I believe God even hurts alongside of me. I am truly not alone. For me anyway I have found that there are times I truly would not learn a lesson unless it hurt a lot. As I married my former husband I found myself fainting and vomiting at the altar. These days I think that God was trying to tell me not to marry this man. God allowed the marriage to go on for 24 years. As my ex asked for the divorce I remember praying “Lord please save our marriage.” I found myself divorced but not angry at God. God held me as I moved from being married to being single. It was a hard time for me. As I met Junior and fell in love I found myself amazed. Junior and I are true friends through and through. We understand each other’s humor. We enjoy each other’s company in a way I had never known a man and a woman could. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So I take the bad alongside of the good these days. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet