April 6, 2023 Greetings My Friend, I hate when those nights crop up. The nights where I wake up from a sound sleep and I am arguing. Last night the argument was about Junior. The other talker was reminding me of Junior’s past. In Junior’s previous life he was a real not nice guy. He had little concern for another human life and he did to the people as he chose. The talker also reminded me of times where Junior was in another room and we had a young person over and I was in bed and I kept being asked what was taking him so long. Fear tries to grip me real hard. Through the years when this argument starts I remind the talker that God told me to marry Junior and God would not give me someone I could not deal with. I say it a few times and then I pray quickly “Lord I need some help please” At that point I begin to see all of Junior’s tender moments with me and his gentle way and soon that argument inside my head is focused on Junior and his sweetness to me. Some nights I wake up arguing with my ex. I hate those nights as well. I wake up and he is doing something mean to me again or he is laughing because I am hurt and he thinks the whole thing is funny. Again I ask God to take these thoughts away from me. God does and soon I am back to sleeping. I remember me waking up on the ground last year. I kept passing out, standing up only to fall because I passed out again. I was heading toward a cliff with a river beneath it. For me I don’t remember any of it other than waking up lying on the ground. For Junior and my friend they saw me stand up only to fall again and begin rolling down the hill headed toward the cliff. When I opened my eyes I saw Junior. Some part of me knows he had his brave face on for my sake. He had his in control voice going. I had no idea of what I had been through because I had passed out. What Junior and my friend saw was frightening at best. Then there was the time I said I’ve had enough stomach distress take me to the hospital. I had been struggling for a few months and finally I could take it no longer. I needed my appendix taken out. There was Junior at my side. He held my hand and talked real brave for my sake. My stories of how Junior has held me, supported me go on and on. He was there as I woke up with nightmares. He was there when life hurt. He was there when life was fun. Junior keeps telling me I am important to him. He is the first person I felt safe and close with. When I wake up with a nightmare like the one I was having I am puzzled. I take the situation to God as soon as I am able to. God starts showing me picture after picture in my mind’s eye of all the times Junior was at my side loving me so tenderly. God reminds me of my prayer I prayed as I went to marry Junior. We only knew each other a few months. We connected right away and our relationship grew fast. I was happy but not so sure so I asked God if I should go and marry Junior. God relaxed my whole being and I felt God say “go”. I went and have not looked back. I am content with this man even though he has his flaws. I have my flaws and frankly our flaws seem to work well together. I wake up and hear Junior working. I do my day and he does his day and we connect throughout the day and frankly I love the feeling. We can spend a whole day running in the car and frankly I even love those moments. We have gone on many trips and he is fun. He wants to do what I want to do and we never fight about what to do. We can sit and do nothing and I find Junior a comfort. We can do things and I find Junior a comfort. So why does this voice in my head try to derail my joy? Through the years I have learned when fear has tried to grip me and hold me hostage I have learned to begin talking to God right away. I am always amazed when I ask God to help me through the struggle that in short order I am moving out of my fear. God is amazing to me each time. I love that God takes away my fear and soon I am moving through the day with peace in my heart. I have heard from people that I am carrying too much fear in my life today. I need to let it go since the things I feared happened 16 years ago. I want to tell them it is none of their business and I will take as long as I need to get away from the fear. Why this person feels a need to give me a time frame in order to be over my struggles boggles my mind. Frankly it is none of their business. God has helped me to see I am not helpless. God has put me with a tender and caring man whom I adore. I have never felt safer in my life than I do with Junior. Is Junior perfect? No he is not. Still I find his flaws doable. We seem to connect and enjoy each other and frankly I find myself loving him beyond words. I believe that God brought us together and God is the best match maker. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet