March 23, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I am forming my retirement routines more steadily now and I am falling in love with the fullness I feel in life. I am thinking about writing more and that pleases me to no end. I have the prayer I say for my marriage floating around in my brain and soon I am sure the words will be put down on paper so to speak. As the house becomes more of a home that is settled and lived in and not a renovation nightmare I find myself moving forward in my life. I like that feeling a ton. I continue to look around the house and marvel at the prettiness of the house as Junior finishes each project. Yesterday I went out and bought a bunch of candles to put in the fire place and lit them last night. It was so pretty and now I don’t know if putting a small electric stove that looks like a wood burner or even an electric insert in the fire place is what I want to do anymore. I love the various candles burning inside of the fireplace and Junior even noticed that there is heat coming from all the candles. It isn’t a ton of heat but some. We have a propane fireplace in front of the other fireplace. That one has been cemented up and has a piece of wood over it so the insert is nice. We have back up heat for when the power goes out and that feels nice. In the kitchen we have a wood/coal burning stove which again helps us when the power is out and we don’t use as much energy from the heat pump. These days we set the temperature low and the other things we have in place heat our home and costs us a lot less. It works. I am no longer concerned when the power goes out because we have these back-ups in place. I have an electric heater that looks like a wood burner going in the entry way where I sit during the day. I love that too. With me sitting out in the entry way I write, pray and do my day time in this spot going into the TV area later in the day. I am not turning the TV on as early and that is a good thing. As Junior comes in and rests he tends to sit at his computer so he can play solitaire for an hour or more. It helps him re-focus and rest his back. We can chat with each other or not. I like that too. We draw near the other one throughout the day without being a pest. We have our times where we connect and then go about doing what we want to. It works and it is comfortable as well. I am enjoying moving at a much slower pace. I love to be involved in activities and frankly I don’t have the energy I once had so now I am learning to live a more settled quiet life. I love it. When the weather is nice I love my walks down our country lane. I think it is so cute that our dogs love following along. I find it so precious. I am not alone they feel like company. We have pillows and beds down throughout the house and I often smile when I see them all cuddled up in their favorite spots. It is precious to me. This day of settledness seems to have taken its time getting here. Now that it is here I find a peace and love the life out in this quieter area. I believe if we still lived in the bustle of the suburbs I would try to do way more than my body could handle and life would not be as sweet as it is out here. I have had to learn how to stay home more and sit more. It has been hard to learn. I am ADHD and being still is not something I do naturally. My mind still goes but the body can’t. I learn and grow into being a more quiet laid back person and frankly I am finding it to be rather sweet. Alex my 17 year old cat is getting old. It hurts. He has been with me through so many of life’s trials and the thought that his life is coming to an end makes me sad. Still he has been at my side and I find myself loving him so deeply. My sleep has finally begun to settle into a routine. I don’t go to bed till midnight most nights. I sleep more than 8 hours often like nine or ten. I would like to be up in 8 hours but you know what? That is okay these days. I get up do my day and enjoy life. I am with Junior which is a blessing beyond words. We are retired together and enjoy being around each other. I remember thinking in my life of abuse that I did not want to be dealing with this stuff in my 50’s. I was asked for a divorce and I asked God to save the marriage. The marriage ended. With Junior I have been given my dream. I often thought it would be nice to read the paper, to share the news and to discuss the news. We do that. We are quite comfortable with each other and having Junior in my life is a dream come true. I love that we don’t need to argue about everything. I love that we don’t use our fists. I love life with this man. Sometimes I find we pray and the answer is no. It is hard to accept at times. The longer I am with Junior the more I realize that my ex and I could never have overcome our differences and God allowed the divorce. It makes me sad but it is what it is and in Jesus….I have a sense of freedom and calm. Both of these feelings are strangely new to me and I love them. I go to prayer just about daily asking God to teach me to be the wife Junior needs. In this I have been taught how to be what my man needs me to be. We love each other deeply and it feels wonderful. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet