December 12, 2012 Greetings My Friend, Right now I’m in the midst of morning quietness. I have read the Bible passages for today on my computer, wrote in my journal and now I am writing a blog. I have peacefulness as I go through my routines and love it. Yesterday I had my esophagus stretched and my prayer is that I will be able to get food/liquids down a whole lot easier from now on. I have one more test next week and then I think most of them should be done. I will have the nerve endings checked in my legs and hopefully will find out why I am so unstable these days. It is the Christmas season and I find hopefulness residing within me. This year has been a year of accepting life as it is. I have learned to love the people who God puts in my path and accept their love. I am no longer hurt beyond belief when I don’t have love where I want it to come from. I find that I continue to marvel at Junior. He realizes he may not be the handsomest guy and he accepts it. Me I still want to be that pretty woman, for my age of course. I have learned that it is Junior’s heart that I love and his looks are made more precious because of his heart. Junior tends to be neat in his appearance. I appreciate that. Sometimes he gets into running around in his bib overalls with paint splatters all over the place. Once in a while I don’t mind him running around town etc. with them on. Lately that is about all I see him in. He is even going to evening church with them on. Evening church is casual but personally I would like to see him in unpainted clothes. I’ve told him how I feel about his constant bib overall and paint splattered look. Because Junior cares he is now changing out of the messy look and into a more cleaned up casual look. The men in my life prior to Junior wore what they wanted weather I liked it or not. Any requests to not wear certain things or even to cover up things went unheeded. The man in my life would then want me to be at my best like a decoration for his arm. If I wasn’t then I would deal with an unhappy guy. I have appreciated Junior being considerate of what I like. Junior also seems to get that I don’t have a lot of stamina. As I get older I realize that maybe my low blood pressure has contributed to my lack of energy. I have dealt with anger because I would need a nap after taking Grandma shopping on Saturdays. Junior will let me lay down when I need to and then we do what we need to when I get up. I guess the letting me be me that Junior allows me to do makes me love him even more so. He seems to get that I’m doing what I can as I can. For a while he thought I was lazy but lately he gets I just can’t do things I’d like to at times. Due to his back struggles I think he understands that lack that resides within me. Junior constantly tells me that I am beautiful. His eyes light up all the time when I am near. As he enjoys me for whom I am well I fall in love with him even more so. Gone are the days where I wanted to impress people for who I am. I no longer need that constant confirmation because I have it from the man I love. I don’t need the constant approval of family anymore either. In my own way I was constantly seeking approval and more often than not I did not get what I was searching for. As I get older and with Junior I find a contentment in being me and I believe my faith journey has helped me to accept that I am whom I am. I felt for a long time if I had a good job that people would be impressed. They weren’t. If I had a real nice house people would like me more so. Nope, I wasn’t liked better or worse. Even the car I drove I thought would bring me the approval I so desperately needed. These days I tend to go to God for my confirmations. God holds me so tenderly when I hurt. God pats me and then says “get up and do.” I find as I continue to seek God that God places people in my path who like me for whom I am. As I let go of my idea of where acceptance should come from and embrace God’s love I find that I am content in my own skin. Junior has been able to do this for a good long time. I am just getting to that point. As I was starting to date Junior I told him I was looking for “boring.” I guess some of the women he dated told him he was boring in a negative manner. To me I find I love this new life where drama is not the cornerstone. I love the quiet way we go about our lives and frankly it feels wonderful. Gone are the days where at the slightest provocation a fight broke out. Gone are days where every life event was told with a flare of excitement. Junior and I just do life in a quiet way. I love it. I watch Junior as he works. Some days as I watch Junior, he seems like he doing absolutely nothing, just wandering around. I know though that as he is wandering around he is working. He works in a way that is foreign to me. I also know that in the end the job will be finished and it will be awesome. I am ever so thankful that Junior told me that I must go to God first. I take Junior to God often, not to complain but I ask God to open my eyes to Junior’s ways so I can accept the man that Junior is. More often than not I can see the preciousness that Junior is and I continue to fall in love with him. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet