July 30, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

Thoughts at large:

As I write it is Sunday afternoon. Since moving to Virginia, we've devloped the habit of going to church on Sunday evenings as well as going to church during the day on Sundays. It is a comfortable habit. This church in VA is like a family that I have not known most of my life. They take Junior and I warts and all. They accept my need to be fidgety, talkitive and flighty. They take Junior's blunt comments in stride. They love us in ways we have never been loved in our lives.

They also seem to understand our need to reach out to our neighbors and often pray as we reach out. They encourage us and hold us in so many wonderful ways. As I regain my strength, it is to the church I turn. I've started going to Bible Study on Monday's with the women of the church. It is wonderful to have my Sunday School women as friends and it is wonderful to have the Bible Study group as friends. It helps me as I struggle with life. It also helps me as I try to reach out.

I am now starting to go to the church on Friday's to help fold the bullitens and to fill the pews with envelopes. It is fun to share conversations as we fold the bullitens and fill the pews. I feel useful, wanted and loved in all of this.

My week is now filling out more and more. I tried the food bank...that wasn't my niche. I am starting to help at the thrift store which helps the abused find refuge...that is close to my heart so I think I will have a good fit. For me now, I am gone three mornings a week helping with various things. I like the interaction and the fellowship.

As I start this, I find myself being able to fit in a few chores before I leave and when I come home. This is a habit I had as a working woman and fits easier than trying to do housework all day every day. The more I accomplish, the more I am able to do and it feels ever so wonderful to me.

I am loving mine and Junior dates as well. I love dolling myself up for him. I love walking on his arm and being his special woman. It feels so good even at my age to be that special woman. I love when Junior comes to get me and says "look at what I've done." I love seeing his projects as they progress. I wish he'd work faster at times but I also know that when Junior finishes a project it will be done and done well. This is what I tell myself as I wait anxiously for his work to look finished.

In another life, the guy did all kinds of handy things. He did not ever finish a project all the way though. The front room was done and the window molding was left down for years. So I learn to trust Junior will finish and finish the project well. It will be all the way done. He is slow, that is ok.

Junior is the kind of guy who thinks outside of the box. This is a huge challange for me. I am definetly the type to work inside the box. The lines feel safe and secure so when he is operating outside the box.....I struggle.

In the spring my friend M came down for a visit. I took her to the far drive way. Then I backed out and backed into a ditch. The Explorer front end was in the air. M was frantic. The men in her life were like the ones in my life prior to Junior. Not only would heads roll....some hide might be missing...it wasn't pretty for sure. I realized as we went through the process how safe I felt with Junior. He grabbed the camera, came over took a picture, then hooked the Explorer up to his truck and towed it out of the ditch. A few months later, I tried to move out of the way of a wide load...a trailer that was being moved. I ended up in a ditch and hit the culvert. I called Junior, he came, changed the tire and even gave me a kiss.

Junior seems to understand we do stupid things and yelling at me is not needed. He has done them and won't even berate himself. He just gets to the job of fixing the problem and when it is fixed....we move on. As M was fussing and telling Junior to be patient with me, I began to realize that I've changed through the years. I just sat there waiting for Junior. I wasn't talking to myself telling myself all kinds of negative things. I wasn't fretting about being yelled at or anything else. I waited, he fixed the problem and then we went on to have an enjoyable time. In the past, that sort of thing could have derailed me/us- in my previous life for days, weeks even. The tension in the air would be awful.

Junior even cares to be handsome for me. He may dress shabby at home but when we go out in public, he is always put togeather. I appreciate that so much. I didn't like his whitewalls around his ears. This one took several comments but when he got my dislike, he quit shaving these huge white areas around his ears.

He is also clean, I appreciate that too. He doesn't stink, ever. If he has been into something smelly, he will take a shower right away. He is clean shaven, another thing I appreciate. His hair is very oily. He can wash it in the morning and at night it will be a mess. He has taken to having his hair in a brush cut which does not show the oil. I appreciate that too.

He does those little things and to me it says "I love you and respect you." For a long time I felt like I was a trophy wife. I had to be perfect and look perfect and when I wasn't....I felt the sting of rejection and anger. Junior looks at me all the time like he can't believe what he has been given. He treats me like I'm beautiful and I love it.

As I end this I'd like to ask....what little things do you do for your husband? Does he feel your love and respect?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet