June 13, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

I remember a song from my youth. It went something like, “there is a season for every activity under the sun.” Many years later I found that this song was taken from the Bible. It is Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. “ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

I don’t know why, but this song has always brought comfort to my soul. I realize that it speaks to the many sides of life we all face and go through. Weep, who has not cried ever in their life? Mourning, again, who has not mourned? At one point we all were children in our parents home, and then we were grown and were on our own. For years, I hated war. I still do. The older I get though; I realize that wars will always be with us. No matter how much we “talk,” there will be war. The older I get, I find myself appreciating the men and women who are willing to fight, so I can walk safely, sleep contently and live life the way I want to.

When I found myself single after 24 years of marriage, I found that I wanted to dance. A group of us “newly” divorced decided that it would be fun, to go out dancing, so I remember asking a gentleman from Singlepoint how to get to a Singles Dance place. This man was gracious and he showed us how to get there. He stayed with us that evening and danced with us. We had so much fun. This man started showing up at several of the dance places we were at and started asking me to dance with him. He told me once that no woman has been able to follow his lead, like I did. Well, we wound up marrying and we still love to dance at wedding and such. Contrary to popular wisdom, divorce is hard, no matter how awful the marriage was. In some respects it is like death. All the hopes and dreams we started with are gone. I also remember struggling to find out “who” I was going to be as a “not married.” So, I was in mourning and then I danced and found a new life.

For many years I knew pain. I grew up in pain. My first marriage knew lots of pain. I even remember being addicted to “drama” for a very long time. I knew how to relate to drama, to pain and I did not know how to relate to peace and contentment. As I began my faith journey though, I found that God was teaching me how to overlook harsh words, how to accept people who did not like me. As I learned how to let go of pain, literally “Let God, Let God,” I found that constant despair was disappearing.

Since I have retired, I have found that my memory is not what it once was. My doctor is checking on me frequently, I may have some sort of dementia or such. At times I am very scared. I repeat myself a whole lot. It is frustrating to those near me. Sometimes I even hear myself telling God how afraid I am. What scares me as well is that if I had to do my job again, well, I couldn’t. I don’t have it there anymore. I found great comfort the other day when I was talking to Junior and he told me that my thinking was getting clearer and more focused. I wanted to kiss him.

Moving has been a long hard process, a process we are still in the middle of. My energy level isn’t what it once was. I have had numerous cases of what I call the “crud.” Sinus infections, ear infections, bronchitis and all of this since we began the process of moving in November. As we settle in though, I find those “God” moments. We felt we were to move. We prayed and this house became available. Daily as we sit and look out our windows, sit on the porch, well, we believe we are where we should be. My energy level is bouncing back, the crud is not occurring as often. My mind finds such peace as I drink in the beauty around me.

I am learning that some days suck, and then there is tomorrow. Once more I learn that it is “hope” that gives me the strength to face the “crud” and then I also have learned that fun, contentment and peace are right around the corner. I guess this brings me back to the song, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.”

May I ask you, where is your “hope?” Do you have “hope?” May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet