May 16, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

When I worked, I worked an odd shift. My area took care of solving problems for commercial loans. I handled the California time frame. One of my co-workers handled Texas and the other ladies Michigan. One day the Michigan people were gone and a fire alarm went off. My co-worker decided she would move her car closer since she would be leaving soon after we were done with the fire alarm.

We generally went to one area in the parking lot. Within that area we would gather in the same area. My friend was looking for me. She is 5’8” and I am 5’ even. I saw my friend walking toward me, her eyes roaming, up in the air looking for me. She drew up close to me and still her eyes were searching for me. At that point I started talking to her. I told her that if she wanted to find me, she would need to look down. We laughed and laughed.

As I went through my divorce, I found myself praying and talking to God. I always believed that there was a God. I even believed Jesus came to this earth. I did not know who the Holy Spirit was although we sang songs, and prayed about Him. I never made the connection that God wanted me to talk to Him each and every day or that Jesus was truly my Savior. The divorce brought me to my knees. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I finally decided to pray. I guess my spiritual life was a lot like my friend looking for me that day in the parking lot.

I started to learn that we are “mind, body and spirit.” I began to understand that it was important to get my spirit in shape as well as my mind and body. For most of my life, my mind also was a mess. I hurt so much. I was in and out of counseling from my 20’s to my early 40’s.

When Junior and I started dating, then getting serious, he began to go to my counseling sessions with me. He wanted to understand me, to know what I was struggling with. When I married Junior and asked him my many questions, he asked me, “What does the Bible say?” Well, I got irritated and began reading the Bible. I was amazed when I read the Bible through the first year. I had thought that I was not bright enough to read, to understand it. I read it through and I strive to read it through each year. I also try to do a Bible Study and we have been in a Bible Study group through the years. As I read my way through the Bible each year, I am amazed at all I learn. I even learn new lessons from some of the stuff I got a different lesson on the previous read through.

I love the Proverbs. Sometimes I read the Proverbs throughout the year. There are 31 Proverbs, so I can read one each day. I love reading about David. He is real. He loved God. God loved David and David messed up from time to time. I find great comfort realizing that God loved David and still David was not perfect. I find that David would confess and in confession, he was able to move onward.

Confession that has been one of the most healing things I have learned. I used to justify my bad behavior. When I learned to admit my sin, my struggle, my fear, my anger etc, well, I began to find peace, wholeness, and acceptance. I also began to find that in admitting my sin, and then I could walk away from sin.

I have come to love the Psalms too. Many of the Psalms were written by David. In the Psalms, I learned to praise God. I learned that praising God also helped me to move out of despair. The more I praised God; I started to see what I had and not be so focused on what I did not have.

The Bible and prayer time, has helped me to see all that I do have. I found my emotional pain was not as constant as in my 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s. God has placed precious people in my path. I have been able to give motherly love to young women, even though my daughter does not acknowledge me or even though she does not seem to want me in her life. God seems to take my hurts and gives me what desire. I love young women. I love reaching out to them and even though my daughter does not acknowledge me, well…. I find that when I can’t have what I want, God gives me so many other things and life is so much sweeter.

My prayer is that you find Jesus, let Him enter into your heart and let Him bring you the healing that you may be looking for.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deuteronomy 6:9

Write them on the doorposts of your houses and your gates.