February 28, 2009

Genesis 3:16
And he said to the woman, “I will increase your trouble in pregnancy and your pain in giving birth. In spite of this, you will still have desire for your husband, yet you will be subject to him.

Ephesians 5:21-22
Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husband’s as to the Lord. For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the Savior of the church, his body.
As the 10th anniversary of my mother’s death draws near, I find myself to be contemplative. There was a point where I realized I could not listen to her advice for my life. I remember being sad at that realization. Part of my reflection also takes me back to my counseling with Ray. Ray was like a father for me. I trusted him like I had never trusted a man, in my life. He had become like a Dad to me. I felt safe with Ray.
I started counseling with Ray prior to my first marriage breaking up. I stayed with him as I went through divorce and after I met Junior. Junior started attending my counseling sessions with me. He wanted to understand what I was struggling with.

One of the first things Ray had me do when Junior entered into counseling with me was to look to Junior for answerers to my struggles. I found that strange, hard and wasn’t sure how to do it. I had gotten into the habit of trying to figure out how to handle life on my own. I learned early in life to trust my own instincts. Trusting others was difficult for me to do.
As the Executor of my mother’s will, I had to make some decisions. As the eldest child, I often was given the responsibility of making decisions. To be honest, I was unsure of myself. I am a people pleaser and when you are in charge – well, someone is always unhappy with your decisions. I am also an enabler and that is not good either. Many times I’d rather enable someone than help them help themselves. During the decisions I needed to make, Junior would advise me. I tended to not hear him. At one point he threw up his hands and told me not to come to him for answers. We talked to Ray about the situation. Ray guided me to listen to Junior, to trust that Junior had my best at heart. I did as Junior suggested and I found peace in my heart.
This situation taught me to look to Junior, to trust him. I am not as afraid to let Junior guide anymore. I am able to listen to Junior and down deep I know that I can trust him. Through prayer, Bible study I am able to listen to God as well. Does Junior make mistakes? Yes he does. Still I trust that he will seek my/our highest good.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet