January 3, 2008

Titus 2:3-5
In the same way instruct the older women to behave as women should who live a holy life. They must not be slanderers or slaves to wine. They must teach what is good, in order to train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be good housewives who submit themselves to their husbands, so that no one will speak evil of the message that comes from God.

Proverbs 22:6
Teach a child how he should live, and he will remember it all his life.

Greetings My Friend,

Today would be my Grandmother’s 102nd birthday. It is hard for me to realize that I would know someone that could be that old. Grandma was a special lady in my life – often a life line when life was so out of control.

Grandma was a young widow raising my Uncle when Dad came down with polio. She scrounged up money from family and friends and gave it to Mom telling her to come back to Michigan as soon as Dad was able to travel. His parents had walked out on us when Mom would not transfer him to a Veterans Administration hospital. The doctor did not recommend the move because the move could have killed Dad.

Grandma had lots of spunk – even though life was tough. When she was seven years old, her mother died giving birth to her youngest sister. My great grandfather raised the older four children and adopted out the baby. Since her dad had to work, he tried to hire women to come in and take care of the kids. They were rebellious and often ran off the women. Great Grandpa soon gave up on having the women come in. The children were left to their own devices as Grandpa worked.

My Dad’s mother was 14 when she married my Dad’s father. He was a much older man. Grandma was the youngest of many children – 14, I think. Her father had died and her mother took in borders in order to have money come into their home. Grandma was taking up valuable space that could have been used to rent out a bed. Grandpa felt sorry for her and married her.
He was a cruel man. He beat his wife and children. One time he stabbed my Uncle with a pitch fork in a fit of anger. My father left home at 14 and lived in neighborhood garages. The owners would let him work for them and they fed Dad. At 17 Dad was a drop out from high school. He joined the service – his parents signed for him to do so.

Mom finished high school. Dad did not. Mom was her own woman early on in life. She was an outgoing child. She picked Dad up hitchhiking – he was stationed in Dearborn and Mom thought a man in a uniform was great.

Mom came along after her parents were married for seven years. They were thrilled to have a child and she was spoiled. Grandma couldn’t seem to get Mom to do her own chores. A neighborhood boy would be conned into doing her chores so she could go out and play. She left the boy doing what she should have been doing.

Neither parent seemed to know the roles of men and women. Dad’s anger was ever constant – he learned it at home. After polio he had more anger – he couldn’t support his family and had to rely on Mom to support us. That is hard for a man to do.

We were raised with so much anger. There wasn’t a lot of time to teach us life’s lessons. The main goal was to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. Mom’s wages were very minimal. At that time women didn’t earn much. The job market was for men to earn the main income. When Dad was able to walk again, he took a job in a motel being the night clerk.

My family’s dysfunctions taught me many lessons. I am able to roll with the punches for the most part. I did wind up in a very dysfunctional first marriage. We fought all the time. That was hard on our children. Whether we realize it or not, we pass on what we know to our children. I wish I had understood Jesus, reading the Bible and having a strong faith when raising my children. I am wishing I had understood Jesus being a part of my life early on. I believed in Jesus, but I did not understand the power of prayer, of His healing presence and the power of reading the Bible to give me guidance.

We pass on what we know. Prayer, Bible reading, a strong faith would have helped me to leave my dysfunction behind, something I learned late in life. Anyway you look at it we pass on what we know – good or bad. My goal when I was raising my children was to stop the physical violence that had been part of my family for three generations or more. It was part of my Dad’s upbringing, my upbringing and my children’s. As far as I can tell, there is no physical violence in either of my children’s lives. We may not be best of friends – something that grieves me – the thought that violence for violence sake has finally left the family blood line that comforts me. Now it is my children’s job to go on from here.

I pray that you pray for your spouse, for your children, your parents, for anybody you know. Prayer has helped me so much. Learning to see God’s hand on me has been so comforting. I pray that you start a daily time to read your Bible – I was shocked when I read it through the first time. I now ask God to open my heart to hear His direction for my life. If you allow God to direct you, He will. You have to be open to listening with your heart and he will speak to you.

May God bless you and keep you, make his fact to shine upon you.

Love

Janet