May 26, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Brenda had her mastectomy recently and her other health issues played havoc with her recovery. She was supposed to be outpatient but they kept her for several days. Each time we texted or she called me I could hear how weak she was. I was very concerned that she was not recovering as quickly as she should have. At one point she texted me telling me that we could not text because the texts were setting off the heart monitor. We had a giggle about that one. After a couple of days the plan was she needed to go someplace for recovery where she could learn how to care for herself on her own. I felt better with this news and then I learned once she finishes with the rehab she will need home health care for sometime. Brenda's sleep apnea did not help her either. We knew she had problems with this but she never looked into it. Now she has to have that checked out and will more than likely need a C-PAP machine. After hearing her voice today I heard my old friend's fight coming out of her. Junior and I have come a long way with Brenda in the last 8 years since moving to Virginia. I can see she has a long way to go as well. Brenda is a hoarder, her son cleaned out her house 3 times now he refuses to help her. Junior has gone over made her work while he did some repairs, Brenda did great as long as Junior was their insisting that she pick up her share of the trash in her home and on her property. Once he left Brenda would not pick up one more thing and then she reverted back to her old ways. By the time Junior came back the next week the areas she had cleaned up were once more filled with trash. Junior told her he would come back when she cleaned out enough in her house so he could get to the areas that needed work like wiring, or plumbing. Junior finally told her when she gets things cleaned out he would come back to work on her house. In the meantime Brenda decided if she moved into a low income housing apartment she could then have a clean place to stay and go to the house to work at cleaning it up. Since she has lived in her apartment, she has needed help to clean it up so her place could be sprayed for bugs. A few times she went to her house to clean it up and filled up several trash bags of trash. For a couple of years Brenda stayed with us on and off, we teased that the spare bedroom was her room. I was always fussing at her to clean her room up before she left. One time I went into the room only to find she had not been doing that. It took Junior and I a good 6 hours to get the room back in order again. Brenda stopped coming by our place when her son got a job. Prior to that Junior took him under his wing and mentored him teaching him how to work we gave him a small allowance, Jeremiah helped with the renovating of our home. After 2 years Junior told him that we could no longer afford to pay him to help us. Jeremiah sat around for a few weeks then he found out how to get into a truck driving school and he has been working since then. Jeremiah's mom Brenda was so proud of her son. While we were studying for our Sunday school lesson we were learning that sometimes it is important to invest in helping the poor rather than just give money all the time. We learned many good lessons ourselves in helping these 2 people. We learned that giving them money and not making them not work for it did not help them learn how to help themselves. We learned that we could not take off and give them rides whenever they called, sometimes they need to learn how to get themselves around on their own. The 1st time Brenda had breast cancer I drove her to the cancer center. I struggled with my own energy by running her and eventually I told her she needed to get herself there when she came down with cancer a 2nd time. We realized that we lost a lot of time working on own home while we took Brenda all over. I want to rescue Brenda in a big way except when I constantly rescue her I am not always helping her.More recently we have found another couple who are struggling. They want us to take them all over to their appointments. We won't do that now. Once in awhile we will take them to an appointment and we have learned to insist that they step out to help themselves. I realize that part of helping people is teaching people to find a way to help themselves and if they are not willing to take that 1st step, then there is no help they can get to truly help themselves. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet