April 25, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Before I began to write I did a quick check on Facebook, I saw a couple of updates from my help group about the struggle to deal with the stiffness and the struggle to maintain an upbeat attitude. A while back I saw on another help site about a lady near the point of giving up and ending her life. I am in two different groups because I have 2 things wrong with me, one I have mild symptoms compared to the other people and the other I am just starting this journey although I have more than likely been experiencing problems for a few years but was only diagnosed 6 months ago or so. Having a chronic illness is difficult and to be honest since having cancer 12 years ago I have struggled with my health. In the process I have known deep depression and slowly I have found my way back to hope again. Before then end of this disease I am sure I will meet depression again so when I see my new found friends struggling I hurt for them. For me the only way I am able to cope is Jesus, I believe I have been brought back to a semblance of energy which is not of my own doing but Jesus leading me to take certain steps toward a better way to deal with chronic fatigue, with the confusion I was experiencing and then teaching me how to do old things in a new way. Deep inside I believe that my calmness is Jesus telling me He will guide me in the upcoming struggles I will endure. People today find it difficult to talk about hope, the hope they may have because most people find it politically incorrect. On my help sites I mention I will pray for them, once in awhile when the conversation allows for it I mention how my faith helps me and if questioned further I talk about Jesus more directly. For me that is the hope I have so I give the hope I have to those who are hurting. I also think about Queen Esther in the Bible whose Uncle told her when she was not sure if she should go to King and ask him to save the Jews, "Perhaps you were born for a time as this" or words to that effect. Maybe growing up with a Dad who had polio, having a son with hearing problems and marrying a man with an amputation has prepared me for a time as this. Junior has been an amputee for 50 years or so, Dad lived with polio for around 30 years and they both went onto have a good life even in their disabilities. Now that I have an answer to my balance issues, understand the stiffness and how to work with it I attempt to work with my limitations. I know this disease has a possibility for a decent life span so that means I will deal with more symptoms that will continue to limit my ability to do what I enjoy doing now and I don't like it but I know that Jesus will help me cope and I will find contentment at that stage of disability as well. Junior has learned to deal with a very bad back, the potential of a knee replacement surgery for his good leg and to handle his PTSD along with his amputation. If Junior can learn to cope then I am going to do the best I can to cope with my disease. I also see that Junior relies heavily on Jesus and to be honest I have never trusted or loved a man as much as I have Junior. I am going to keep trusting that Jesus will guide me and I will pray for each person I meet online who is struggling whether it is with a disease or disorder or even with depression alone. It is the only way I know how to help give the hope of Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine you. Love Janet