August 7 2014

August 2014 Greetings my Friend, Is God teaching me another lesson. I am learning to pay attention to the small details in life that don’t seem to have anything relevant with life in general. My laptop wireless connection is not working and I am now plugged into the internet service via a cord. I have enjoyed sitting in my comfy chair and being on the internet. I write, I explore and do my rest periods there. Plugged in I am at Junior’s office desk in the spare bedroom which is playing havoc on my neck issues. I went outside grabbed my adirondack chair I have a pillow supporting my back and just now I’ve taken the laptop off of the desk and I am typing with it in my lap. Is God teaching me to find an out of the way place? Is He teaching me that the comfy chair is okay when I am playing around but when I am writing I need to be more secluded? As I walk around this thought I begin to hear a lesson I heard a few years ago about “the sin of comparison”. Since I have had a poor self esteem for a good portion of my life I tend to think I am nothing, have nothing and in general I am a no nothing kind of woman. Then I realize once more that God continues to teach me that I am unique and I don’t have the noticeable talents the world always will recognize. I am able to be open, frank and share details many find too hard to share. In sharing I find a group of people who relate, who are encouraged and truly love me and my unique ways. It isn’t about numbers per se. I always felt if I had a huge group of friends that meant I mattered. The more I live in my own uniqueness the more comfortable I am and the more I write, share my faith online and share my faith in day to day life. As I watch my numbers decrease I feel a sense of panic and my daily prayer to God is “not about me Lord but the one person You want me to reach.” I have to pray this a whole lot because to me numbers mean everything. To God it is about that one person and that one person and that one person. It isn’t about the numbers although sometimes the numbers increase and sometimes they decrease. I am finding joy in being able to keep house again. As I look into each room I enter and absorb the flavor Junior and I are creating I feel love and peace. I love sharing time with Junior day in and day out. Our fur children speak to my heart and little Daisy is that precious girl I’ve longed for. She claims me first before Junior. Alex snuggles me and life could not be sweeter. As I settle into accepting “me” for the woman God wants me to be I find myself able to reach out even more so to others. I see that I bring joy, a thoughtful moment in one of my ponderings and sometimes a deep talk of faith with someone. At the start of this journey it was hard to “hear”God’s voice but along the way God has taught me to be still so that I can hear His voice. For me the very first lesson in being still was cancer. I was so wore out that I sat, slept and sat again. I have a couple rounds of the sitting as Chiari and COPD have claimed what energy I once had. As I work back to an ability to move and do I am finding a sense of purpose to my life that I had never known before and it feels very comfortable to me. I find that there is no real “in crowd” but a group of people who share life with me and I share with them. It doesn’t always seem to be the ones I choose as well. God chooses who should be in my life or in another person’s life. “I am who I am in the Lord” and that is just right for me. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you. Love Janet