September 21, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Last night was a night I struggled a whole lot getting to sleep. These nights still happen just not as bad as they once were or as often. I think the excitement of getting Daisy, her getting lost, running around looking for her and then her showing up played havoc with my sleep last night. It was real hard when walking down the road and I found her little “meet my new family outfit” on the road and no dog inside of it. I began thinking awful thoughts. Did some wild animal get her? Did someone drive by and see her and take her and frankly that happens a lot out here. I was heartbroken to say the least. We gave up after an hour or so of running around looking for her. I began my TV watching so that my brain would shut down. A while later we get a knock at the door and I opened it to find Daisy in my neighbor’s arms, she was safe and sound and I was about as happy as I could get. I brought her inside and we began our “get to know each other” routine. We have a barricade up so she can’t get into the kitchen area and out the doggie door we have. That lasted a whole half hour and then she jumped over the barricade. Junior made it on the low side but taller than her so the other dogs could still get into the front room area. At present I have a tall laundry basket and an end table in front of the door way. Plan B is where we are at. The bigger dogs can still get over the obstacle so for now this is what works. We put Daisy’s little doggie bed on our bed last night for her to sleep in. Blanko our cat decided that was a nice comfy spot to sleep in and curled up inside the doggie bed. Blanko is not altogether. He has had seizures since he was little and has been on medication and well he is a bit not with it if you know what I mean. He did not know to be afraid of the dogs when we first got the dogs. He would sit there as they sniffed him. Blanko likes to sneak outside these days. He has figured out the doggie door and goes outside. We will find him curled up on the porch enjoying the warm weather. Since he is neutered he doesn’t tend to wander off the porch or far from the porch so it is what it is. While Daisy was missing I found myself in prayer asking God to send the girl back to us. These days that is my first thought to pray. That helps me a ton. I find myself not getting worked up and frankly that feels good. I know if the prayer does not go my way that God is working it out for my good. I felt that this time as well. If she did not come back then she would not have been right for us to have. I was ready to accept her being gone. I grieved her but I knew it was for the best. When she did come back I learned a valuable lesson. The girl can take off real quick and it is like having a toddler around. I must keep my eyes on her at all times. Today you know I am checking on her every few minutes. The nice thing is now that she has explored the house she is up on my lap sleeping. Frankly that is what I was looking for a constant companion. We took her to the grocery store this morning. I put her in a big bag and carried her in the store. I did like it. It will be fun having my constant companion along with me wherever I go. I do believe I will be picking up a front pack so I can carry her and have my hands free. Again I see her coming with us on our trips and the like. I have also set up her first hair cut day. Her little nails need to be trimmed big time so we thought we’d take her in right away. In a week or so we will get her in to the Vet since she has cataracts we want to get them worked on as soon as we can. As I begin to care for her I find myself moving into another area of health. I realize that I need something to fuss with. Alex is a great companion but we do his time on his agenda not mine. This little girl will let me make the agenda and frankly I like that. I called my son to tell him about Daisy. I recall that when Mom got her Daphne she was my age and I once more realize I am turning into my mother’s daughter. I have spent a good portion of my life trying to deny my blood line. Mom was harsh. I tried to be gentle. Mom did not care for others when they thought differently than her. Then there are these moments where I see we are similar. At first I am scared and then I find it to be ok. Mom had some qualities that I truly did like and if I pick those qualities up, I am good with it. Growing up with Mom and Dad was hard. There was so much anger in the house and Dad often beat on us to no end. I have worked hard at letting go of all that anger. It is gone these days, not on my own but God has helped me overcome my anger. I begin to look at other moments and not see only the junk that went on but also some of the fun and silly things we did as a family. I also have reached the age where my children are grown and my grandchildren are about grown. My children lived in the craziness of anger. I sense they felt that I should have left long before I did. I guess some day they will understand that I did not think I could do it on my own. I don’t think they get how scared I was. Lately when I call my son I don’t hear the “whys” like I did for a long time. I am starting to think that he is “getting it.” I am sad my daughter has stepped out of my life again. I live with it. I accept it and nope I don’t like it but I move on. I go back to what the minister told me as I left my former marriage. He said the best thing I could do for my children was to get healthy and be in healthy relationships. I kept up with counseling, began a serious faith journey and at this point I find that my worth comes from God not my kids. God has loved me like I had never known love. That feels real nice. God doesn’t look at me like I have marbles missing and that feels nice too. So again I learn to turn my heart to God and let Him be my all in all. Life has a way of filling out nicely when I allow God to consume me. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet