January 9, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

Character flaws are in everyone some way, somehow. I have had the opportunity to study mine recently….at times it has been painful. In my study of my character flaws I was taken back in time….where most of them began.

I have always had a tremendous desire to figure things out. Puzzling through thoughts is almost like a hobby for me. I can come up with three different scenes in a matter of minutes. It tends to annoy people a whole lot, which usually makes me very sad that I bother people that much. Part of the puzzling through process is asking questions….again this drives people crazy. To be honest…..I don’t even know I ask so many questions.

I started this behavior early on. At home as a child, I would come to the dinner table with questions. I remember getting the “sex” talk. They taught us the sperm cell and the egg cell had to unite. I thought about this and I thought on this for a long time. I could not figure out how the cells came together. I got fearful of the toilet. I imagined that my Dad’s or my brother’s sperm cells might leak out; I’d sit on the toilet and……. Finally I could not take it anymore, so I waited till dinner, it seemed like a good time to ask a question…. And I asked how the two cells got together. I looked up and saw jaws drop a mile, heard spoons clanking as they fell to the plates. Mom got up and left the table and Dad was sitting there with this look….. He eventually told me about the dogs in the yard and asked if I’d ever seen them come very close…..the light bulb went off and I was happy.

Another time I had a question. My girlfriend told me a joke and I could not get it. She used the “F” word. I did not know what that meant, never heard it before. So, I go home. At dinner I asked…..again I saw jaws drop a mile, heard silverware clatter. My parents started yelling and saying I was NEVER to play with this friend again. No one was telling me what it meant. I informed my parents that it can’t be a bad word because I did not know what it meant and repeated it several more times. Mom got up and walked out leaving Dad there with me AGAIN! Dad finally gave me an explanation that I could wrap my brain around. Again, when I learned what it was, I was happy and left the table to go on with my day.

One other story also comes to mind I was a newly married. I had a job as an insurance biller in a hospital. Part of the job entailed reading the doctor’s report so we’d know how to bill accordingly. I got one where a man was circumcised. I looked up and asked, what is circumcision? I heard pens drop, looked up and saw jaws dropped. They muttered that I needed to go home and ask my husband. I did and he showed me…….

As a little girl my Dad taught me that if I asked questions, I was showing I was interested in people. It was a polite thing to do. Sometimes I rattle off a half dozen questions and to be honest……I don’t even know that I do this. I am surprised when people tell me I am asking too many questions. As a writer…..I have a tendency to contemplate a lot of things. Again, I like to puzzle things through, and then I share what I learned. It really excites me to learn and to share.

Couple this with, I have an opinion and I love sharing what I believe and what I know and now you have an even more annoying person. Again, I don’t want to be offensive, rude or a pain in the neck…..but I am finding out that what I am trying not to be is exactly what I am

One of my life verses….I tend to have several….is Galatians 5:22-26”But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desire. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited provoking one another, envying one another.”

As I tried to figure out how to “overcome” these defects….very ingrained defects, I asked my husband if he would help me. It didn’t work; I was still being “me.” I talked to our Minister and he gave me a way to go. My goal at this point is to be quieter….don’t try to have a comment “all” the time. This will be hard, I love to talk. I have thoughts and I love sharing what I find. So….if I am quieter…..not as talkative…..you know my goal. Again, I am very sad when I am hard to deal with. As I continue to grow in the Lord, He is faithful and just in helping me be “all” that I can be.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet